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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have you ever been ‘played’ by a man?

40 replies

Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 09:58

And if so what did it feel like and when did the penny drop? How did you cope with it . Thanks for reading . I am not sure if I am being played so rather than giving reasons why I think I’ve been played, i wonder of any of your experiences would be familiar to mine .thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 10:27

Anyone? I feel like I am going mad.

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 07/05/2019 10:35

Didn't want to read and run but in what way do you mean played?
I was with someone for a few months a while ago and we were 'exclusively' dating. Weird phone behaviour, stories that didn't match and a few other bits made me suspect he wasn't being exclusive with me at all. I spoke to him, he crumbled and admitted he'd been chatting online and dating with others.
How did I cope? I showed him the door and never looked back.

Chocolate123 · 07/05/2019 10:43

People can be played in many ways. It's hard to know if you are being played if you don't give any details

Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 10:54

Thanks for replying to me . Something isn’t right . It’s hard to explain or make myself clear but I’m in a relationship and have children. Settled and happy . I have a nagging feeling that my male colleague who really is more of a close friend, is trying to play me . Now there is. I reason why he would do this. I am not remotely interested in him physically or ramoantocally. However he is intense and full in as a person. He can often be inappropriate. He will pass inappropriate remarks such as compliments about me etc. I brush these off and tell him to stop . He will text me when we are apart with gushinga of him missing us and can’t wait to see me and this nonsense . It’s totally over the top. Again I ignore but in a kind way. I don’t know if he is interested in me romantically or if that’s just the way he is. So here is the kicker ... he has a girlfriend. Rarely discusses her ,he essentially lives the life of a single man . He seems to want constant contact through WhatsApp . He is critical of his girlfriend to me and tends to allude tohow loving and caring he is to her. He is not. Again I try to ignore this as I have been honest, when asked , with how I think he is using her But he is like a possessed person when he gets an idea . Like a dog with a bone, he will keep trying to contact me and shower me with compliments and I wonder if this is all nonsense and he likes the attention of two women where he is trying to boost his ego.
I’m sorry if this is confusing. I can’t figure him out and I wonder if I am being played as a friend/ colleague in order to buoy him up . Thanks for reading

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Mum4Fergus · 07/05/2019 11:01

Report him to your HR team.

Mum4Fergus · 07/05/2019 11:02

Or tell his girlfriend. Either way, he'll leave you alone.

HollowTalk · 07/05/2019 11:03

Don't communicate with him outside work, for one thing. If he's inappropriate at work, report him to your line manager.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 07/05/2019 11:32

Why is he a close friend?

MIA12 · 07/05/2019 11:38

He sounds completely inappropriate and out of hand. I would tell him or send him one message saying you prefer to keep work and home separate now.

theworldistoosmall · 07/05/2019 11:41

Block him on WhatsApp. Stop contact out of work. Only talk about work related things. Doesn’t sound like he’s trying to play you, he’s just trying to get in your knickers.

wishywashy6 · 07/05/2019 11:42

Why are you close friends with someone so irritating? He sounds like a massive bore and yes he's probably just trying to massage his pathetic little ego. Stop all communication with him outside of what is absolutely necessary at work otherwise you're just encouraging him to continue.

Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 11:49

Thanks . I work in a very small team so I want to be sure in myself what’s going on and I am just befuddled with it all . Thanks for response . What do you think is going on with this man . Is this anything you’ve experienced before ? Is he trying
To mess with my head?

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Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 11:52

Sorry cross posts. There has never been any of this until recently . I am so irritated and opposed to him at the moment. I want him out of my life but we work so closely. He thinks I’m some sort of friend soul mate!! Is this all weird to
You???

OP posts:
Mabelface · 07/05/2019 11:55

Sounds like he wants to get in your pants. Speak to hr as he's being wholly inappropriate.

Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 12:01

I really don’t mean to shoot anyone down with their opinions because I appreciate every single one of them but he is definitely not sexually attracted to me . I think it might be an ego boost. I think everything he says to me is disingenuous and false.

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Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 07/05/2019 12:11

I think he wants you to feel something more for him.

Not necessarily so something happens or he even wants to shag you. Some people just really want everyone around them to fancy\having feelings for them. It's an ego boost.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 07/05/2019 12:13

Sorry that should have been 'it IS and ego boost'

I agree. You may have to work with him. You dont have to friends. Tell him once you dont like it and to stop it. After that, HR.

OldWomanSaysThis · 07/05/2019 12:19

Just shut him down. Clearly.

I don't think this is a matter of being played - whatever that means. This is more office pest/harassment thing. You can't give these men any attention, any eye contact, any electronic reply - nothing. I just put my hand up and walk away when they start talking to me. I don't mess around because these men are clueless and will walk all over your boundaries. They will take you as far as you let them.

Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 12:48

I’ve spoken to him before about boundaries being crossed because of excessive contact and he pulled back but this new thing is just weird . I don’t know what it is . It’s not a sexual thing so maybe it is an ego thing or a

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wishywashy6 · 07/05/2019 12:55

No one can really tell you what is going on with him. You're responsible only for yourself, not him. You can't change how he behaves but you can change how you respond.
Instead of asking him to stop etc, just ignore. Likelihood is he'll get bored and go pester someone else.

Loopytiles · 07/05/2019 12:58

He is not a “close friend” or a friend at all. Adjust your professional and personal boundaries with him.

Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 13:00

I am a bit creeped out to be honest. He is hanging around all morning like a bad smell. I’ve really become so irritated by him and am cross for falling for what I thought was a mutual friendship. Creeped and weirded out by him .

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Original poster
Orangemarker · 07/05/2019 13:01

What is he? An obsessive type of person

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drum123 · 07/05/2019 13:08

It doesn't matter what he is, that's his problem. Stop over thinking this. You're being too nice to him. He's being a pest, so treat him like one. Swat him away next time he's inappropriate with a very clear comment that you don't want him to continue this behaviour. Tell him if he continues you will report him. Block him on your phone and all social media and only deal with him at work in a distant but professional manner. And don't worry whether he likes you or not after that, it really doesn't matter.

wishywashy6 · 07/05/2019 13:08

You sound a bit over invested in this person 🤨 It doesn't matter what he is, stop letting him take up so much head space. Get on with your own life and ignore him