Break up text

[SinghaManda]

It has been four dates, I enjoy spending time with him a lot but I have been umming and ahhing, and don’t think that’s fair. My gut says it isn’t right. I’m drafting a text to send but everything I write makes me feel horrible. I have been treated badly/ghosted/you name it and don’t want to do the same. I’m twenties, he’s older and more experienced...

Hey! This may come a bit out of the blue but I thought it was best to say as soon I felt it, so as not to mess you round. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and spending time together. You’re a hilarious, amazing guy and obviously a catch. I think I mentioned earlier on that I’ve not really had anything too serious before; our time together has been lots of fun but work-wise and headspace-wise, I’m really not ready for a relationship at the moment. It has been a great few weeks and i genuinely wish you all the very best xx

We have weird things in common (and a hell of a lot in common!), he’s lovely and kind etc etc but there really is something missing. I don’t want to waste his time. We text a lot and I feel horrible sending this without any forewarning but the above is all true - it’s suddenly become apparent to me that it’s just not right. I think he is quite happy with how things are (or that’s what he says) and wants to be exclusive. I honestly feel sick writing this as I hate uncomfortable situations and really value him as a person

How long have you been talking to him? If you value him as a person, I'd say the right thing to do would be to at least ring him to tell him. But maybe I'm being old-fashioned.

It's never a nice thing to do but necessary.

Talking for just under a month. We haven’t slept together. We have met four times and currently planning the next meeting in a couple of days. I feel like ringing might be weird as we haven’t ever chatted on the phone - also nervous there will be tears, on either side (probably mine)

Phone him fgs

I think that text is fine. Send it.

(Never understand why some people act like it's wrong to break up by text when a lot of the relationship has been conducted by it. Why's it fine to court by text, but you have to put up barriers and make it an ordeal to split? It's nonsense.)

I think your message might give him false hope that something could happen in the future. Be more honest - the chemistry just isn't there.

I think that’s fine too. I ended a shortish relationship by text and offered to ring the guy for a chat if he wanted and he said no it was fine. Depends how he takes it I suppose.

Call him
Texts don't show the right emotion and emphasis. Anyone can type something it takes guts to call or take it a step further and tell the other you need to talk and do it to their face.
It's not an easy thing but it's easier for you both if done with decency. Your wording sounds fine. Just try and avoid the whole it's not you it's me yada yada

Don't phone him if you've never chatted on the phone, that would just add unnecessary awkwardness. A well worded text is more appropriate in this context.

I think that’s fine. Like pp said, if you’ve never spoken on the phone and you call him, it’ll be awkward from the get go. You don’t need to feel bad, you’re being honest, that’s a good thing!

I always think, what would I prefer? A text would be fine, maybe a quick call but not an arranged face to face meeting just to be dumped.

My personal preference is to receive a text message in this situation - you don't then have to produce a reaction if you're upset, as you would on a call or face to face.

Your message is OK, but the bit about being hilarious, amazing and a catch is OTT. I'd read that and think ' if I'm so amazing and such a catch, why am I being dumped' and as pp said, it might give him false hope. I would replace that with something more generic, such as 'you're a great guy'.

I would also make it clear that although you get on well, the chemistry isn't there. Otherwise you are dangling the hope that when your head is in a better place and work less busy, he has a chance.

I think a text is fine but it needs to be shorter and to the point (honest).

I'd drop the bits about him being hilarious and a good catch. It's OTT and gives the wrong message.

I'd send something like:-

It's been great fun getting to know you over the last month, however, I feel there is a lack of chemistry and feel knowing this it would be unfair to continue. I wish you all the best for the future xx

as someone who has recently been the receiver of a break up text I don't think it's fine & i think it's a cowards way out. The poor guy deserves to be told to his face

I would meet and tell him that in person except the bit about not being ready for a relationship- that gives false . Swap that for ‘you are not right for me’ or similar.

Do not meet him in person! It has only been four dates. Just send the text.

I would definitely rather have a text than an awkward phone call where I’m on the spot to react. Not in a long term relationship maybe but I wouldn’t call 4 meet ups and no sex a relationship yet anyway. Good luck.

Talk about lack of chemistry rather than not being ready for a relationship. Otherwise he might keep popping back.

Agree with the last poster - a text is fine. So many people don't even bother with that but yes less wordy as others have suggested .

Why make it more wordy than necessary? It's been four dates! You don't need to call him. It's making it way more Complicated than needed
Send a brief text saying you don't feel it's going to develop into a relationship end of

Text is fine after four dates, especially with no sex and no phone calls.

It's been 4 dates and a text is fine. I would tell him what citygirl said- nice guy bit no chemistry. Don't give him false hope.

I think after 4 dates and not having slept together a text is fine (you could suggest a chat on the phone if he would like to).

I would also drop the "you're a catch" part as it sounds patronising to be honest.

I was seeing someone for 6 weeks and he ended things rather unexpectedly but did come round to do so. While I appreciated him doing so, I was so unprepared that i didn't really know what to say and would have almost preferred a message first to prepare me! The 6 weeks had been pretty intense though and he was making plans up to the day before for the future!

Another guy I was seeing for a few weeks texted me to say he was going to give things another go with his wife but did ask if he could ring me and we had arranged another date so asked if we could still meet. I said no at first as I felt it a bit weird under the circumstances but we did meet and it was really nice to end things on good terms.

Anyway, I think honesty but kindness is the best way to go.

I also think it's fine and don't see a problem with texting, if you had been together longer and spoke on the phone a lot then yes I would say face to face or on the phone but in this situ I think texting is definitely ok. He may also prefer to be told by text rather than an awkward convo