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Original poster

Break up text

50 replies

SinghaManda · 07/05/2019 02:02

It has been four dates, I enjoy spending time with him a lot but I have been umming and ahhing, and don’t think that’s fair. My gut says it isn’t right. I’m drafting a text to send but everything I write makes me feel horrible. I have been treated badly/ghosted/you name it and don’t want to do the same. I’m twenties, he’s older and more experienced...

Hey! This may come a bit out of the blue but I thought it was best to say as soon I felt it, so as not to mess you round. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and spending time together. You’re a hilarious, amazing guy and obviously a catch. I think I mentioned earlier on that I’ve not really had anything too serious before; our time together has been lots of fun but work-wise and headspace-wise, I’m really not ready for a relationship at the moment. It has been a great few weeks and i genuinely wish you all the very best xx

OP posts:

SonataDentata · 07/05/2019 10:49

Another one saying doing it by text is fine. In general it should match the tone of the relationship, i.e. LTR - break up in person, short relationship conducted mainly through text - can break up by text. He’ll probably be relieved you didn’t ghost him, which is horrible behaviour but sadly all too common.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 07/05/2019 12:34

as someone who has recently been the receiver of a break up text I don't think it's fine & i think it's a cowards way out. The poor guy deserves to be told to his face

This.

I was dumped by text once. I wanted to put a contract out on him. Found it VERY difficult to forgive.

category12 · 07/05/2019 12:38

I was dumped by text once. I wanted to put a contract out on him.

No wonder he wanted to do it by text .

IvanaPee · 07/05/2019 12:41

Don’t bloody phone him! How awkward.

You’re making a much bigger deal of it than it needs to be.

You’ve chatted a few weeks, you’ve had a couple of dates.

A nice text is fine. Yours is like War & Peace!

LumpyPillow · 07/05/2019 12:54

Yes thats a nice text, i do like the part about wanting to say as soon as youve felt it. and as pp say, drop the hilarious/obvs a catch part.

Just say something along lines of: i have really enjoyed getting to know you but decided don't want to take any further/chemistry not right for taking further/relationship.

Michaelbaubles · 07/05/2019 12:57

God it’s fine after four dates! In the old days before texting we’d just have avoided their calls at this point until they took the hint 😄

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/05/2019 13:01

I’m really not ready for a relationship at the moment what if he spots you on a dating app?

All you have to say is that he's a great guy but you dont feel a spark, you dont want to waste anyone's time and you have enjoyed getting to know him.!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/05/2019 13:01

oh and text is fine!

Skiptheskip · 07/05/2019 13:03

It’s been 4 dates, a text is fine - although go with the much abbreviated and more truthful version that a PP suggested.

JuniFora · 07/05/2019 13:17

A text is most appropriate four dates in. It's wasting his time to meet up and a phone call puts him into an awkward position.

It's important to be kind but the text you've drafted is a bit patronising. Tell him he's great, that you like him a lot as a friend but that you're not compatible for a relationship. Don't go overboard or make it sound like you're assuming he'll be heartbroken.

AsleepAllDay · 07/05/2019 13:24

Only four dates, haven't had the exclusivity chat, not slept together - a text is fine

ICE50 · 07/05/2019 13:33

I think a text is fine if you haven't slept with him and only met a handful of times.

ShinyShoe · 07/05/2019 13:34

Text is fine. Its only been 4 dates! I’d make it simpler though “Hi! I’ve been thinking a lot about our next date and decided I’d rather not meet up again. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but there isn’t any chemistry from my side so I think it’s best we leave it. Hope you meet someone great in the future and I truly do wish you all the best. Take care”

Then leave it and don’t get into any more discussions with him

MiraculousMarinette · 07/05/2019 14:29

Text is fine. It'll save both of you feeling awkward and embarrassed. Why is it better to be dumped face-to-face?

Your draft is too waffley imo. ShinyShoe's version sounds much better.

ScreamingValenta · 07/05/2019 16:29

as someone who has recently been the receiver of a break up text I don't think it's fine & i think it's a cowards way out. The poor guy deserves to be told to his face

I can give the opposite perspective - I once went out to meet someone I'd been seeing (only for a few weeks) for what I presumed was a date, and it turned out he wanted to dump me - and thought face to face was the only honourable way to do it.

It was awful. Not only did I have to sit there, embarrassed, while he dumped me, trying on the spot to come up with something to say that didn't make me look more of an idiot than I already felt; but I'd also had a wasted journey .

A text would have been perfect - I could have composed a suitable response at my leisure and licked my wounds in private. I respect the fact that he meant well by insisting on F2F but he really didn't think it through.

I add the caveat that a text is only appropriate for short-term dating/relationships in their infancy - obviously if a relationship has progressed to a serious stage or been of long-duration, it should be ended face to face.

ConfCall · 07/05/2019 16:42

A text is fine. Saves him the awkwardness as well as you.

Your suggested text is too verbose, it’s a politician’s text. It needs to be clearer and briefer. It’s also a bit patronising.

missmoz · 07/05/2019 16:53

100% send the text. Sent a few myself and been on the receiving end. Yes it hurts but so does being dumped in person plus it's embarrassing. This way he gets to react in private!

Sidge · 07/05/2019 17:00

Four dates?! It’s not a break up! It’s not even a relationship!

And you don’t need all that waffle. Just say hey it’s been lovely to meet you but this isn’t going to work for me, so I won’t be seeing you again. Take care, all the best.

Honeyroar · 07/05/2019 17:03

Id much rather receive a text than be dumped in person and have to do the "no it's fine" conversation while a bit shaken up/surprised.

recall · 07/05/2019 17:06

Yes ...a text and then an opportunity to chat on the phone if he’s like to

I was dumped via text ...it was horrible

IvanaPee · 07/05/2019 17:12

I think some people posting on this thread are probably in an older age bracket.

I just don’t know anyone casually dating in 2019 who’d feel the need to “chat on the phone” after four dates and a couple of weeks’ chatting!

In fact, most single people I know don’t even use their phones for phone calls and are horrified when it rings 😂

Skiptheskip · 07/05/2019 17:15

I just don’t know anyone casually dating in 2019 who’d feel the need to “chat on the phone” after four dates and a couple of weeks’ chatting!

This.

In fact from what I read on here I’m not sure even 50% of daters would bother sending a text, they’d simply stop replying to messages/delete/block.

sonjadog · 07/05/2019 17:24

You need to be clearer in your text. It starts off as an ode to how great he is, and then says it is over as a "by the way" just before the end. Start off with saying you don't want to continue, and then say something about how he is a great guy before finishing off.

IvanaPee · 07/05/2019 17:30

It’s a bit rambling and sycophantic especially since you don’t like him!

“Hey Ted, just wanted to let you know I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but as far as anything romantic goes, I’m just not feeling a spark. It’s been fun getting to know you though. Take care, Jane.”

Or something is fine.

LumpyPillow · 07/05/2019 18:23

Yeah the posts about face to face, i was guessing they must have skim read and missed the very clear only 4 dates part because I also don't know anyone who would expect or want to physically trudge out their house, travel, get ready, etc to be dumped by someone they have seen 4 times before. Fuck that!

Even after double or triple that I'd be ok with a text. Horrified by a phone call. Only if i was in an actual established relationship would i want anything face to face.

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