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Original poster

I don't even know what to think anymore

33 replies

BelleEnd1 · 05/05/2019 11:28

DP has a history with a particular woman.

I last posted on here about him going round to hers and lying about it then claiming it was to help her with her CV.

Following that, I gave him the ultimatum that if he spoke to her again, I was gone.

Well fast forward to this week where I saw a suspicious text on his phone and checked his phone bill (i know)... over 600 texts sent to her in the last month.

I had it out with him.
I've also had a long message chat with her... turns out she is in love with him and hopes that I will leave me for her.
He said he had no idea she felt like that and just feels sorry for her.

I'm actually just numb now. I'm not cross or upset. I want him to fight for me. But at the same time, how can I possibly move on. I already look like a tremendous mug.

I appreciate I will most likely get LTB comments but I think I just needed to write this out to help process what is happening. I honestly don't know what to do

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 05/05/2019 11:32

Why do you want someone who has shown you so little respect to fight for you? Yes, I'm a LTBer here, but I am sorry he's putting you through this Flowers

OldAndWornOut · 05/05/2019 11:34

If the other woman is in love with him, and he (poor lamb) just feels sorry for her, then sending over 600 texts doesn't seem the best way to discourage her.

Shmithecat2 · 05/05/2019 11:34

To add, my exdh did similar to me, before and after we got married. I'm not the most forgiving of people, but I did try. It comes down to trust. If your dh promised he'd cut all contact, would you believe him? Not trusting your husband is one of the worst feelings in the world. It affected me mentally and physically. I'd never put myself through that again. Ever.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2019 11:35

So he feels sorry for her indeed?!.

He has indeed spoken to her again via text so why have you not acted on your ultimatum. You should not have issued this in the first place if you are not prepared to follow it through, such things too can only be issued one time.

He is enjoying having two women fighting for him; do not give him the satisfaction. He is no prize to covet and he also cannot be trusted.

You would be even more of a fool if you were to stay with this man, it would further show just how pathetically low your boundaries are.

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 05/05/2019 11:36

Well that's the thing... I tried so hard to trust him last time... and every other time he's done something a bit shit.
And it really fucks me off that actually the onus is on me- its up to ME to trust him again. But why is it my problem that he's a dickhead?

OP posts:
category12 · 05/05/2019 11:37

Well, the problem with ultimatums is if you don't follow through, it' shows your boundaries can just be trampled and ignored.

You've already given him a chance, and he proceeded to text her over 600 times. You don't text someone that much because you feel sorry for them.

TeaStory · 05/05/2019 11:37

He said he had no idea she felt like that and just feels sorry for her.

Of course he says that, but his actions say something quite different IMO.

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 05/05/2019 11:37

Atilla I do feel quite pathetic..

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 05/05/2019 11:37

You gave him an ultimatum.
600 messages? He knows she’s interested and that’s 600 times he’s contacted her despite knowing about the ultimatum. Don’t worry about looking like a mug, you trusted someone you presumably love, but now that trust is gone you’re going to have to decide if you’re going to follow through.

You will get LTB comments because we’re not emotionally invested in your relationship but by the sounds of it neither is he.

Leave them to it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2019 11:38

He should no longer be your problem. If there is no trust there is really no relationship. Your trust will continue to be further eroded by this individual.

You still have a choice re this man, do you want to remain with him or not?. What are you getting out of this relationship?.

category12 · 05/05/2019 11:39

I tried so hard to trust him last time... and every other time he's done something a bit shit.

Give it up, OP - you can't trust him because he's untrustworthy and he keeps on breaking your trust.

AsleepAllDay · 05/05/2019 11:40

Help her with her CV? Now I've heard everything...

PlinkPlink · 05/05/2019 11:46

It drives me mad when I don't see women being angry about shit like this.

It absolutely drives me mad.

Come on woman!!! You should be seeing fucking red!!!!!!!!

He has consistently lied to you. He has consistently broken your trust. He's made an absolute mockery of you and your relationship. He's tried to cover it up and lied directly to your face. And then, he puts the onus on you to 'trust him again' like the salvation of your relationship is completely dependent on your decision.

Fuck. That. Shit.

I would be packing HIS bag and making it quite clear to him that HE fucked this relationship up. HE broke the trust and continues to do so.

Fucking hell!!! Start getting mad but do it in the most cold and calculated manner.

Bin him love... he's absolute scum and he will continue to behave this way if you choose to stay with him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2019 11:48

You are not pathetic but he will make you feel pathetic if you stay with him. You still have a choice here re him, that has not been taken away from you here.

ConfCall · 05/05/2019 11:50

He’s sending her 20 texts a day.

So, either he wants to be with her or he is shamelessly leading her on.

Whichever it is, he’s nasty.

Whichwayfoward · 05/05/2019 11:50

You've 600 reasons to leave. He can't be trusted. Let her have the lying weasel.

You deserve far better than a life questioning him.

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 05/05/2019 11:52

Which I guess that is my concern, that this will be my life

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 05/05/2019 11:57

Belle, plenty of people have been where you are now, and believe me the only way to end the wondering is to end the relationship.

My ex said he was sorry and it would never happen again. 6 weeks later he was at it again, despite me having some serious health investigations.

JuniFora · 05/05/2019 11:59

He is a cheat who either thinks you're very dim to believe that or who doesn't care whether you believe him because he doesn't care at all. Either way, he's a lying cheat who doesn't value you. The only way to go is in the opposite direction. Let her have the little weasel, he can be her problem.

You be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy. Focus on what brings joy to you. He doesn't. Let him go.

Holidayshopping · 05/05/2019 11:59

Following that, I gave him the ultimatum that if he spoke to her again, I was gone.

But you’re not. If you’re going to issue ultimatums, you need to follow through.

stressedoutpa · 05/05/2019 12:00

600 texts and you want him to fight for you?

Okay.... Confused

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 05/05/2019 12:01

Holiday I do very much feel like when I give the DC their "very last chance"...

OP posts:
starflake · 05/05/2019 12:01

30 days in a month op, 600 messages is a lot in 30 days. I had a "friend" who I started to realise was in love with me or at least had feelings. He text a lot, I used to text back as saw no harm in it till my DP pointed out that maybe he had feelings for me & it made him uncomfortable, so i stopped! I would say this guy easily text me 600 times a month, I would only reply to an odd one here or there every few days as I felt sorry for him. Once I stopped replying, he eventually stopped. That's how a real life situation goes, ur Dh is replying 600 times as he is as much emotionally involved as she is

Holidayshopping · 05/05/2019 12:05

Holiday I do very much feel like when I give the DC their "very last chance"...

Hmmm, I’m spotting a pattern! I don’t threaten things I’m not prepared to go through with and wouldn’t talk about ‘very last’ chances with my kids-it sounds a bit desperate. Stand firm and stick to what you mean.

Nc1548 · 05/05/2019 12:15

He must feel REALLY sorry for her to text 600 times in a month. That is an average of 20 texts per day, behind your back. Has he shown you his charitable texts or has he deleted them?

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