Did you get married when you didn't want to?

[rubyblueeyes]

i did. I remember everything going very fast and the wedding was booked quickly. I did have doubts but went ahead. 3 years later we've separated. Anyone else in the same boat?

Yes. I stood at the alter wanting to run away - but I was pregnant and very young.

There was never any pressure from anyone other than my own self either. He was lovely -still is - and we make awesome co-parents but we had separated by two years later.

I got married to my second husband on almost a whim. I had liked being married to my first husband, I really had, and I fell quickly head-over-heels for the third man I dated after my divorce. After just two months we got a harebrained plan to get married.

Oops. What a mistake! And the worst part is, I knew it, even when we were in the room. I was thinking, you could back out now, it wouldn't be that bad, no one would even know except the two of you and anyone who heard would think you'd been right to leave. Instead I went through with it! Madness!

We stayed together two years, marred by his recurrent bouts of psychosis that I'd have known about if I'd stayed with him a year or two before marrying him. We were miserable by the end, since I'd realized I could never be with someone whose biggest psychosis trigger was sleep deprivation...I wanted babies! But he was such a big baby himself about a lot of things that I felt like I couldn't break free without putting his mental health at risk.

If you get the "oh god no" feeling when you're at the altar, BACK AWAY! It's not too late. My third time was the charm and we have two adorable kids now. I didn't for an instant have the feeling that I wished I could back out when we were tying the knot. Felt very right.

Yes. I wanted to run away but we were in Samoa! We are still married 20 years later! I think any marriage would have made me feel that way. Maybe? Who knows?

I like being alone so I don't think I'm cut out for marriage either!

No me, but my mum did twice! She married very young (20 ish) and her first husband sadly died. She already had my brother and felt worried and scared of being on her own and being a single parent so when she met my dad she married him after 18 months! She knew she was making a mistake as they were two completely different people. She stayed married to him for around 12-13 years when she finally admitted she never really loved him and got divorced. She then met another man (an abusive narcissist this time who was financially inept and was in debt up to his eyeballs). She was charmed and ended up marrying him within 2 years from when they met. She said the day before the wedding she felt very uneasy and was going to call the whole thing off but bottled it and went through with it on the day. On their honeymoon he apparently ignored her for 2 days and she said she was going to get the marriage annulled as she knew she shouldn’t have gone through with it. He raped her to ensure the marriage was consummated and she was in bits after that. She stayed with him for 22 years in the end until his serial filadering came to light. She’s divorced from him now and will never marry or live with a man again.

bloody hell midders your poor mother

Yes I did! We were great friends first, and relationship progressed. Engagement and wedding plans came along quickly, and I think I just got caught up in the excitement of it all. 3 months to go until the wedding I remember looking at him and thinking "we're making a huge mistake" ..... I don't think either of us were happy, but we were too close, and I was too ashamed to pull out of the wedding when we were so close to it. The cracks really appeared on our honeymoon, and it just never recovered. 3 years and his 2 affairs later, we separated.
I've now met the love of my life, everything is different, and I can't imagine ever being without him. Now we're planning our wedding, and I can't help but feel a bit sad that I've done it before, for all the wrong reasons.

I did....felt financially trapped....I never loved him, but thought he would change and the person I thought he was capable of being would come through. Unfortunately he was and is an arse...never changed.
Had a great wedding day though, going through a long and expensive divorce...too soon to say whether it has been worth it.
I would love to fall in love a marry in those circumstances, there's still time!

letsbreakitdown almost exactly same as me but no affairs and one child in the mix

I knew my relationship was flawed after a few months, but i was basically pigheaded and lazy (and a little bit brainwashed into thinking he was the best i could get) ... so let it trundle on into marriage, a baby, and out-and-out resentment of each other. We had 22 years together, been separated 4 years and its been the best 4 years of my adult life, because i have never been walking on eggshells around him. I have a new partner now, who is wonderful, and we're talking about moving in together, future plans, etc.

I can't ever imagine wanting another relationship with all the crap you read on here though.

Yes. I absolutely knew it was a bad idea. It lasted seven years and was abusive for a lot of that time. Had children. Don’t regret that but had I known how difficult my life was going to be on separating then I would have rented the Tardis to go back in time and not get married.

My only regret is not listening to my instincts. Would not get married again.

Yes, I was young (19) and dumb. However, I was eight years married to a wonderful guy, who I wasn't in love with and wasn't sexually attracted to--I realised this as I matured.

I can't ever imagine wanting another relationship with all the crap you read on here

Completely agree.

it's not uncommon then is it? in my case I felt so much family pressure and societal pressure

Me. I had done the pick me dance, and thought I'd won. Daft young lassie that I was.

I was late 20s so not even young really

I was a twat over the wedding too

Rubyblueeyes, when I see folks in their 30s/40s wedding planning or eager to marry, I'm glad I can say I had that experience and don't feel the urge or pressure to repeat the act.
Getting married definitely helped shape me. For better or worse.:)

I just saw a new (zombie) thread pop up on trending and it made me think of this one.

Doubts about going through with your destination wedding? DONT CANCEL! Because, according to a lot of people, you must reimburse your guests

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/889968-To-think-that-invited-guest-at-a-cancelled-wedding-should?watched=1&msgid=86901831#86901831

Been married 30 years+ and happy but, if I could have my time again, I would have just stayed co-habiting. Nothing against DH, just think the whole thing is antiquated

I didn't know to listen to my gut and went ahead with my wedding. I was young and pregnant and had no support. It lasted about 6 months before I scarpered. He's done nothing but cause shit for the past 20 years.

My mum was engaged before she met my dad but knew a month or so the wedding she couldn't go through with it, nothing nasty, just not compatible
Both my sisters cancelled their weddings 2 months before their respective ''big days'''
My sisters had the odd nasty comment from idiots but in general 99% of people respected their decision

Now I am 5 months away from getting married and there has been a few jokes about a generational curse... and when am I going to cancel etc etc etc!

But I must say this board has helped me tackle some big issues before getting married for example a situation comes up on here and I ask my fiance what do you think of this? And we discuss - it has been really helpful (the board) to help bring up the ''big stuff'' you NEED to talk about before making such a big commitment to another person

Of only I had listened to my inner voice

Yes. At 22 I married abroad one of the kindest men I have ever met. We simply 'got' each other and still do.

We met in the UK, lived together and he admitted his Visa had expired. We travelled to his country and married. It all seemed very 'do or die'. A couple of subsequent visa applications were rejected after I got home, leaving him there. It isn't a country I could live in due to healthcare issues.

I visited his country again once but it's been 10 years now since we married and he made a life for himself.

Now, however, he has hit a rough patch in terms of income (his business failed and he is retraining but it is expensive and work is quite scarce). We are still married but are separated. I have met someone else and I'm aware he did some time ago although I think it fizzled out.

I would like to divorce and the two of us move on as we would both like families but when I broached this the other day, he started telling me how hard his life is, how he is depressed and even considered suicide and I simply didnt have the heart to push the issue of divorce.

He is a genuinely good guy and wasn't trying to manipulate me. I feel so guilty for having moved on and wish I had never married him under the circumstances and been so young and stupid. He basically didn't persevere with applying to come here or suggest any other solutions and now I feel we are very different people, too different to just pick up the relationship also I dont have another 5 or 10 years if I want children. Frankly it is a mess.