Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to seduce male friend?

71 replies

LambToTheSlaughter · 03/05/2019 22:40

I have a male friend who I want to seduce. We’re both single but I’m fairly inexperienced and need some tips please. I’m keen to have a long term relationship with him but also want to shag him senseless! Sorry if TMI!

How can I seduce him while maintaining his respect?

I think he thinks of me as his friend’s cute little sister rather than the strong woman that I am. I need to get rid of the nice, innocent image in his mind.

Please help! I need practical advice.

OP posts:
Twingirlsrock · 04/05/2019 00:03

Practically speaking here would be a couple of ideas....

You need to shift your body language. Become a little more tactile in a subtle but definitely changed-up way. Light touch of the arm when he makes you laugh. Look over at him longer, smile but with just that moment longer to hold the glance. Also clothes send a non verbal message of course... again nothing too obvious but there needs to be a tiny subtle shift. Engineering moments for him to see you when you're feeling at tour best etc....

Then verbally, Little double- entendres that weren't there before, subtle indications in a light hearted way that you find him attractive and enjoy being around him. It's taking those moment where a "friend" answers in one way, and being bold enough to cross the line and answer in a flirty way.

If this all comes together well it achieves the strong signal of availability and positive interest without coming on too strong and doing all the running yourself or putting it out there so that you could be knocked back before you know where he is on it.

If that's tour approach it won't happen overnight but over a 6-8 week period I would say. It's then up to you to assess if he is interested.

There are many of us (me included) where these signals are so ambiguous it's hard to be sure and given the family connections I would imagine for him it will be a slow realization to get confident that you are interested.

Good luck!!!

EKGEMS · 04/05/2019 00:04

Seducing being the path to assault?! That's like hitting somebody with a rolling pin and calling it cooking! Send him a text message asking him out to dinner or cinema,etc.

mummmy2017 · 04/05/2019 00:09

Just text him not sure if your single ..
But if you are fancy going on a date to the cinema ... My treat.

NameChangeNugget · 04/05/2019 01:24

Seducing him is a very long pathway and has often led to sexual coercion, aka sexual assault

WTAF?? Hmm

managedmis · 04/05/2019 01:28

Where does he hang out? Outside of the friendship group? Can you accidentally bump into him somewhere?

Tavannach · 04/05/2019 01:32

Sorry to sound naive but don’t guys like to be the ones to chase and catch the girl?

Twingirlsrock has it. Then run away as fast as you can till you catch him.

Graphista · 04/05/2019 01:35

Honestly? If you see him regularly at family events you need to consider that he may simply not fancy you.

He may view you like a cousin, and usually if a guy fancies someone and they know both parties are single and interested in dating generally they will ask you out.

Only way to know for sure and save yourself a lot of potential grief and wondering is just to ask him out - when you're sober!

His response will be clear and you'll know where you stand.

Nat6999 · 04/05/2019 01:44

I've got the same problem, I've been friends with someone since school, we lost touch when we were in our twenties & thirties then found each other on Facebook, we started messaging each other, saw each other a couple of times but it never went any further. We still message each other & chat all the time but it's never gone any further. I know he got hurt by his ex who he has kids with but I don't know if that's what is putting him off. I know he is single but I can't pluck up courage to ask him out.

LilQueenie · 04/05/2019 02:02

you sound very young. How many times have you dated before?

FuriousVexation · 04/05/2019 03:15

Really guys? You've never heard the pithy phrase "Seduction is rape by flowers"?

To "seduce" someone means to persuade someone to do something, typically something sexual, against their better judgement. Are y'all saying that doesn't sound like coercion? SMH

ladamanera · 04/05/2019 05:44

Furiousvexation is a troll. Too obvious. Have a biscuit dear.

Mummaofmytribe · 04/05/2019 05:56

Yeah she's not using the word seduce in those terms furiousvexation!! She's not going armed with rohypnol!
OP just amp up the flirting, laugh if he says anything vaguely amusing (that always seemed to get points when I was young)

HarryThePalm · 04/05/2019 06:12

Bravery will open a lot of doors and kindness will ensure they don't shut.

EleanorOalike · 04/05/2019 07:47

Do you think he sees you as a sexual being at all?

A lot of the time the reason we are friends with someone as opposed to being in a relationship with them is because we like them, want to spend time with them but cannot imagine being sexual with them or ultimately don’t see them as a sexual being in their own right.

So it’s possible he’s thinking “she’s sweet, she’s cute but she’s like my sister” and so you end up friend zoned.

There is a way out lol. I’ve successfully made it out of the friend zone and also had a couple of guys make it out of there with me.

You do need to make him think it’s all his idea but there are little things you can do. Start prolonging eye contact for just a little bit longer than usual. Don’t go for a sweet look, go for slightly naughty like you’ve got a secret. He might say “what?” and you just smile and say “nothing”...all of a sudden he’s trying to figure out what’s going on in your head, you are a little bit of a mystery to him.

Shake up your look a little bit, wear something you wouldn’t usually to surprise him a bit. With my ex, when we were still friends, I wore a top one day that was a bit lower on the sides than usual and when I moved a certain way he caught sight of my (pretty sexy) bra. It was enough of a glimpse for him to want to see more and throughout the day he started being a lot more tactile and it wasn’t long after that that the sexual tension became pretty unbearable and we had to do something about it.

If you haven’t already, you need to break the touch barrier. If you already hug etc, as you are pulling away give his bicep a little squeeze or briefly touch his chest and look up at him. The key to this kind of thing is that you have to make it look absolutely natural and not make it a big deal at all. Don’t make him think “oh she’s coming on to me”, just let him feel briefly befuddled! Try and get sitting beside me and make sure that you are close enough that there’s a little physical contact. Make sure you smell good (freshly washed hair and/or a little perfume behind the ears is good) and find an opportunity to lean in close to tell him something or ask him a question but do it in a slightly hushed tone. It can be anything, “what time did they say dinner would be served?” “What do you think I should go with, soup or salad?” “Did you see GOT last night?”. What you say is irrelevant,
It’s how you say it...it’s really just an excuse to get a little closer. If you are brave enough, you could touch his thigh at some point, very briefly. So “Oh my god! I’ve been meaning to ask, did you get that job you went for?” Then remove the hand.

Also, even in a wider group context with your peers drop in one or two comments, when appropriate that help him to see you are a sexual being...so say he
has a beard, if the topic of conversation is appropriate, you could say “I can’t resist a guy with facial hair. They definitely do it for me.” This kind of thing worked for me, in a wider group context my friends were talking about Tinder and I said “but how can you tell
about height from Tinder? I’d be looking for someone really tall...they make me go weak at the knees.”
and then my guy (who was 6”4) immediately piped up “i’m tall” Grin.

A direct compliment could work too, so when you see him you walk up to him, smile warmly, greet him by squeezing his upper arm slightly, quick peck on the cheek and
say “Look at you looking all sexy in that suit” or “I love that shirt on you it looks so good with your eye colour.” And then move the fuck on to a different topic.

You want to create a few moments of him feeling slightly bothered but not make it awkward or uncomfortable. Just leave him temporarily dazed but create room for him to pursue you. If he wants to of course.

My experience of this is that he”ll either quite quickly want to move things forward or he’ll be visibly uncomfortable, at which point you need to back off and accept he doesn’t want to see you in that way.

All of the above seems very obvious and calculated but the delivery has to be on the subtle side for it to work.

It helps if you get used to flirting a bit more in general in your day to day life so the stakes aren’t as high when it comes to someone you really like.

The advice further up about doing a physical activity together is a great idea too!

AgentJohnson · 04/05/2019 07:49

So you want him to want you but you’re averse to being direct about it. He sounds like the type to struggle/ be oblivious with the indirect approach.

TheBulb · 04/05/2019 07:53

If you only ever see one another at family things, then I think you need to suggest meeting one on one.

RuffleCrow · 04/05/2019 07:57

Waiting for a man to make the first move is very 1950s, and likely to only attract the kind of men who think they ought to be running the show.

Being upfront about your feelings gives you both a chance to make a conscious decision to see how things go. It creates more equality. That said, from thereon in things should feel mutual, not like either of you has to do all the running/emotional work.

wertuio · 04/05/2019 08:04

From a male perspective...

Make contact with him, any pretext will do if it opens a line of communication. Drop a few double entendres into the mix and when you meet make it reasonably obvious that, if asked, you would say yes. Yes, yes yes yes YESSSS Grin

The thing is that men have periods when they either assume that all women fancy them, or no women fancy them.
If they are in the all women fancy them stage then they still need some signals to get them over the line.
If they are in the no women fancy them stage they need to be dragged (not physically, but you may just need to tell them).

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 04/05/2019 08:17

Clearly FuriousVexation has never seduced anyone in his/her life Grin

BarbedBloom · 04/05/2019 09:05

I have quite a few Male friends and all of them get fed up of always making the first move and dealing with fear of rejection.

I agree with the advice above. Start being a bit more tactile, dress up a bit. In my experience it can take a little while before they click you are interested. Or as in my case, plan all this, but instead have a few drinks and kiss him. Grin

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2019 09:13

Waiting for a man to make the first move is very 1950s, and likely to only attract the kind of men who think they ought to be running the show.

^^that's what I think too, I wouldn't want a man who had to be the one to make the first move. It also smacks of misogyny in that women shouldn't want sex it should be initiated by the male.

OP just message the guy, ask him out for a drink or whatever interests you both 😂😂. That's how it worked in my day and then worry about seduction once you have that initial green light.

CaptSkippy · 04/05/2019 09:18

Start by being a grown-up and stop playing childish games. Just be straight forward.
Tell him you want to have sex with him and that if he wants to aswell, great! And if not you won't respect him any less and just continue as friends.

EauDeReality · 04/05/2019 09:22

Don't do it! If you 've been friends you need to gradually shift the friendship more towards being a relationship. Do that gradually but without wasting your time of course.

If you plan to get him drunk and sleep with him he may well go for that and enjoy it at the time but afterwards you'll have lost a friend and you won't have gained a boyfriend.

EauDeReality · 04/05/2019 09:27

ps, and whilst I agree in theory that women should make a first move and also on the other side of the coin that men shouldn't have to, sad fact is that I've come to the conclusion it's pretty instinctive for men. If you ask them out, good, but then you have to let them decide if they want to ask you out the second time. It's like women, it's pretty instinctive to want a man who is taller. Even if you're 5'10 yourse;f.

I have OLD'd on and off for about 4 years (not in the last two) and I think ''doing the running'' is a short term strategy. Maybe if you force yourself to take stock after date one and tell yourself, ok, now they know i like them, know i'm open to dating, know i'm good company, so stop trying to make it happen! you made the date happen, put the idea in their heads. that's enough...........

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2019 09:36

I'm sure that's the case eau but equally its probably also why they are on OLD sites rather than in a relationship already. For me all of this need to game play sorts out the wheat from the chaff frankly. I would not want a man who needed to go through this shit. And DH isn't taller than me for the record, real men will date taller women.

Swipe left for the next trending thread