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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He called me unstable & Fake!!

30 replies

Unicorn99 · 03/05/2019 11:45

Long story short, I met a man who is much younger than me on OLD. At first I was not really into the meeting, however, he insisted so in the end, I agreed to meet him at a restaurant that he said that he knew well.

I got there on time and waited for over an hour and then left - texted him to say that I was leaving - it was around 9.30pm, he rang begging me to wait for another 30 minutes. I refused as I was already at the bus stop and did not want to wait in the street in this area - he was driving. Anyway, he apologised and wanted to arrange to meet again.

After three weeks, we have not met yet, however, I have noticed the little things which bothers me a lot about his behaviour, when he said, I will call you at xx time, he would call three to four hours later. I run my own business, so time management is vital in my life.

I don't feel that we are on the same page so I told him that I no longer want to meet him and I blocked and deleted the number afterwards. He has made contact from another number to tell me that I was "unstable, fake, immature and ingenuine …."

I do not think that I am unstable, I have tolerated a lot of bad behaviour and inconsideration from men. I am simply putting the boundaries. I cannot afford to make the same mistakes that I made in my 20s and 30s. He has continued to text me from a different number begging to meet, I know that I have closed that chapter in my book.

What is your take on this and any advice would be appreciated?

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 03/05/2019 11:48

Don’t give this any more headspace

Plipplopbop · 03/05/2019 11:49

Well done. You're well rid. He's still not offering you any consideration is he as he's ignoring your boundaries by continuing to contact you. Seems like he's a bit of a power player, I bet the lateness is deliberate. I'd block his new number.

UserFran43 · 03/05/2019 11:49

From what you have written I think the words he has used are a pretty accurate projection.

It is not you, it is him. Forget this person, move forward and keep your very reasonable boundaries in tact.

QueenBeex · 03/05/2019 11:50

Continue blocking him on each number he texts on.

I find it a huge red flag that you haven't ever met him yet he is contacting you on different numbers to continue begging to meet. Youve said no and he should move on, he doesn't even know you!

It's very strange that he continues using different ways to contact you.

hippermiddleton · 03/05/2019 11:50

I would have pulled the plug after he stood you up for the first time.

No advice needed other than block any new numbers and ignore!

(also the irony of calling someone 'ingenuine'...)

HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 11:51

Why on earth were you still talking to him after he stood you up? I wonder whether he's married and couldn't get away that night.

PlinkPlink · 03/05/2019 11:54

Yeah why are you giving this any thought?

He cant even phone you at the time he said he would?

And you arrange to meet for a date and wait for an hour?! And he still wants you to wait?

And then he insults you when you run out of patience.

How old is he? 20?! Why are you paying any mind to what he said? He clearly doesn't have respect for you, he clearly doesn't want to date you enough for him to do a basic thing like meeting you on time. He was messing you around, wanted to see how desperate you were for a date. Dating games suck and I had no patience for them after I learnt.

Move on. You are a very strong, smart and capable woman (you have your own business). You did the right thing. You dont have time to be messed about by fakes (he is totally fake btw) and twatbags.

Wishing you all the luck. I found my OH on OLD so it is possible. Together 3 years now with a DS too 😊

Cosmos45 · 03/05/2019 11:55

I think you have made a very lucky escape. He doesn't even know you to have his opinion of you. As Mintandthyme rightly said, don't give this anymore headspace.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 11:57

He's a weirdo, probably cat fishing you. Block the new number. No more contact.

Unicorn99 · 03/05/2019 12:02

Thank you everyone! He is in his early 30s.

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 03/05/2019 12:04

Fucking odd ball. Steer well clear!

category12 · 03/05/2019 13:11

You shouldn't have given him any more chances after he stood you up. He was the non-genuine person.

loveyoutothemoon · 03/05/2019 13:33

I wouldn't have given him a chance after the first time. That's very poor behaviour.

ChristmasFluff · 03/05/2019 14:17

He's just projecting. If he really thought you were unstable and fake, why does he still want to meet?

He will never change from what he is now - a time-waster (quite literally). Well done on binning, and continue to bin.

AzraiL · 03/05/2019 14:23

He's calling you names to try and bait you into defending yourself. That way you're still engaging with him, and if you are still engaging with him, he can still try to manipulate you.

Just keep up with the radio silence!

Lllot5 · 03/05/2019 14:27

Block the new number as well. Dickhead. Not you him!

Closetbeanmuncher · 04/05/2019 10:50

File him under fuckboy and move on

SmileWine

losingfaith · 04/05/2019 14:31

No respect for your time = no respect for you. Plus he sounds v immature. Keep blocking. Don't reply and he will eventually get bored.

Orange6904 · 04/05/2019 14:35

Sounds like a teenager, don't respond to anything else. Weird behaviour.

RagingWhoreBag · 04/05/2019 14:39

Text him back “I know you are, but what am I?” Seems to be about on his level.

Honestly, he sounds flaky as fuck so it’s a bullet well dodged. Next time you tell someone you don’t want to meet them but “they insist” take it as a warning. A man who won’t listen to your ‘No’ is not a good man.

RagingWhoreBag · 04/05/2019 14:40

*obviously don’t actually text him back!

AFistfulofDolores1 · 04/05/2019 21:50

Total projection: he has quite cannily described himself. So you don't have to waste a moment longer trying to understand him.

HavelockVetinari · 04/05/2019 21:55

He sounds very odd indeed, please tell me he doesn't know where you live?

FuriousVexation · 04/05/2019 22:00

Does he know you have money? EG having your own business, which many scrotes will interpret as "she's got money falling out her arse innit"

pickletickled · 04/05/2019 22:14

Take not one shred of notice of this flaky fucker.
Bullet dodged OP
Give him no more thought.