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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Yesterday dh wrote a poem describing his life at the moment. It was called

35 replies

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:14

  • 'Living Death'

Feeling gooooooood

OP posts:
madamez · 16/07/2007 23:15

Hmm. Emo boys are actually quite sexy, really. Buy him some black nail varnish.

SimplySparkling · 16/07/2007 23:18

Oh, choosyfloosy. Sorry I can't do interpretation, not even with titles. Does that mean he isn't well again? Don't do hugs often but I'd make an exception in your case.

jaynehater · 16/07/2007 23:18

My SIL went to parents evening, walking down a corridor filled with glorious technicolour pictures of happy well-adjusted children,to be presented with niece's artwork, titled

"My mummy makes me so sad when she shouts at me",

complete with primary-coloured weeping child picture in poster paint.

Living Death, though. That's harsh.

Have you been feeding him predominantly lentil-casserole?

Tortington · 16/07/2007 23:19

DH?!

SimplySparkling · 16/07/2007 23:21

Are you okay, choosy?

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:22

Has he been listening to Hole's album 'Live through This'?

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:22

Hijack - how you doin', custy?

Been thinking of you.

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:24

He's - mmm. He's depressed I think but not in the operatic, extreme way he was last year.

The drugs work. Sort of. Well, the antipsychotics work, which is good, although they blow him up like a balloon. But the antidepressants bring on a range of horrible sideeffects. So he's not on antidepressants - he was using exercise as an antidepressant and it was working too.

But he's overweight, due to the antipsychotics (honestly - when he came off them last year, he literally dropped 2 stone in ten days. Shame he went completely off his rocker). His back is reeeeeeallly bad. So bad he can barely move atm. Without exercise, he is getting depressed. He is realistically upset that he is probably, to be brutally honest, unemployable now. And the work just isn't coming. And he's too depressed and immobile to do anything much in the way of selling himself, even if that were him, which it's not.

He feels deserted by God. In my more cynical moments I think the antipsychotics have got a lot to do with that.

God I hope he never reads this but bloody heck on a tandem, it's a bit bumpy for him at the moment.

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/07/2007 23:25

hay babe - thanks! its nice of you to say. i have bouts of bi-polar ....on speeed - so one day i'm on air and the next i'm down. sometimes all in one day. my poor dh thinks i am a complete fucking fruit

sorry to crash your thread choosy

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:25

Well, I don't believe in God, so that cuts that off.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:26

I'm a complete fruit, so I can relate.

Sorry, choosy.

Can you post the poem, though?

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:27

No I'm not OK at all. I have a cold, conjunctivitis and a really terminal case of NOT wanting to be living this life today.

Though a lovely friend took pity on me today and ds and I went and spent the afternoon with her. And I'm at work in the mornings, though I can't wait to be shot of my bosses (last day two weeks).

hope you're OK custardo

OP posts:
SimplySparkling · 16/07/2007 23:27

Sorry, choosy, I don't know what to say. Sorry that you and he are going through such a difficult time again.

jaynehater · 16/07/2007 23:28

Sorry, choosy, just sussed that you're not starting a humourous thread here.....Is this a poem he wanted you to get to see?

Sorry if you're worried and my flippancy made it worse.

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:28

yes ok

it's here somewhere

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:30

actually no
(smacks forehead)

never breach the copyright of a patent lawyer

i don't mind at all jh - may I call you jayne?

OP posts:
SimplySparkling · 16/07/2007 23:30

I find work a great diversion if there's something in my head I need to work out. When I return from work I can often see an answer but then my worries are mostly tiny, unlike yours. Will you be starting a new job after this one ends?

jaynehater · 16/07/2007 23:32

BTW my little sister is bi-polar, as is a friend of mine - crappy disease, but if you can hold onto your sense of balance he could find a way to live with it and be happy. Sending hugs, cups of tea, and whatever else will bring you a little peace down to the line xxx

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:32

he's made a file of all his writing in the past two years

most of his poems are pretty despairing

ds is already starting to think that to be grownup you have to be ill

OP posts:
jaynehater · 16/07/2007 23:33

And, yes, of course you can call me jayne.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:34

It's a shit, awful disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:35

And no, I don't have it. Just an ex H who has it and an ex bf who does as well.

I just got PND a couple of times, for a taster. It sucked royally.

SimplySparkling · 16/07/2007 23:40

Maybe you and ds could look at photos of when your family - extended family, too - are celebrating an event? Also films, songs books or something? I'm afraid I might be putting my foot in it here and I need to hit the sack. I am thinking of you and that's why I had to post when I opened the thread and saw your name. Your story has stayed with me and I hope the future will improve for you, dh and ds very soon.

choosyfloosy · 16/07/2007 23:41

thanks ss

it's very, very nice sometimes to come here and just have some people say 'yup you're having a crap time just now'

so thanks

OP posts:
jaynehater · 16/07/2007 23:42

Just being nosy, choosy, but does he experience the highs as well? My sis does, but my friend has the other kind where it's primarily depressive, an yet after a troubled history she's managed a long period out of psych and is living happily and with balance.

So sorry you're suffering - everyone's got a tip, or an experience to share, and yet it's such an individual thing. Has he ever used his creativity positively, or do his darker feelings just seem to come out in poetry?

(I am a nosy cow. I admit this, and will accept the slammed door that will inevitably come my way)