Yesterday dh wrote a poem describing his life at the moment. It was called

[choosyfloosy]

• 'Living Death'

Feeling gooooooood

he doesn't really get highs, at least unless he comes off medication - have only experienced that once but it was uncontrolled and it was awful

he has schizoaffective disorder rather than bipolar disorder - it's basically supposed to be like schizophrenia but happens in patches, and depression is a more marked part of it

i guess i'm very conscious that he is having a rubbish time atm

hence coming on here for sympathy for me

And quite right too.

Are there any voluntary support programmes he could join to bolster his sense of self-worth? I know up here there are a couple of charitable trusts that run newsletters etc that are staffed by affected people on a volunteer basis - it's a baby step, but it'd be a way for him to have some tiny thing to hang onto, but amongst support and non-judgement?

But back to the main point - you're feeling lousy, have you wine in stock?

You must feel so helpless - but he's so lucky to have anyone in his life that gives a damn. So many people distance themselves from mental illness. Well done you, poor you, and hugs. Now, where's that wine?

hi choosy

can't offer any advice i'm afraid other.

it's awful living with someone who's suffering like this and i empathise.

are you getting any support/counselling etc to help you?

your dh is lucky to have you. i'm on the verge of walking away from mine, it's just too hard and he's not making any progress 2 years on.

take care of yourself.

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Hey Choosy - v sorry to hear your situation. One thought - perhaps dh writing poems allows him to get some things out of his system/distance himself from what he's experiencing? I once looked into studying art therapy, and a big part of this is that getting things out and on paper allows them to become separated from the confusion of thoughts/emotions being experienced. Mind you, I didn't go on to do the degree, so may be remembering this incorrectly - and obviously the therapy part (ie presence of therapist) is an essential ingredient. However where I live there is certainly a creative writing group that has come out of a mental health project - perhaps worth investigating?? If your dh can bear the idea of being with other people.

Thoughts are with you...

Thanks all

but housebuying is completely sh*te pruners. what was the outcome of the viewing? actually don't answer that, i'll follow your other thread, don't want to knit threads together in nightmare cross-posting dilemma

hope you're right about externalising it all sophr

paddle, i'm so sorry to hear that. sometimes it's too hard. also you (one?) does worry about what the kids are experiencing. living with this kind of illness in a parent can't exactly be an enormous boon to them. but... but... oh dear.

my mum's doing my shopping today. Which is great. But it's hard to say 'Just throw in a LARGE bottle of wine could you, and a family pack of Dairy Milk while you're at it'...

hi choosy

i'm buying a flat too - double trouble LOL!

it is completely awful but i just cannot live this way any longer.

i guess the fact that he doesn't live here is a bonus in the lesser effect it has on dd. but he is only seeing her once very 6 or 12 weeks and that cannot be good for her.

he's agreed time and again to see her every sunday but has only managed one so far.

i can't keep on carrying him to be absolutely honest. i'm selling a rental investment (thank god I kept it) to finance a new place and i am looking to work 5 days instead of 4 to make some more money. i have to focus on me and dd now.

rant over! sorry for the hijack.

for all her faults, my mum would probably add the wine without being asked!! hope your mum picked up on the vibes and brought you something nice for this evening.

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I'm glad us being here for you is some support for you, choosy.

Love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!