Anyone else ok being singe but find these things hard to deal with? :(

[user6hty]

Bit of background...I'm 33 this year (soon!), single and live alone. I bought my house at 27 with no help from family. My job is good, I generally have enough money unless things go wrong. on the face of it, I shouldn't complain but...

I am starting to feel so alone and miserable...I feel like life is so difficult to get by when you are single. nobody to share the mortgage or be there when the boiler breaks down, I have 6k credit card debt which is difficult sometimes. if I lost my job I would be in difficulty. my family don't get it. mum never had to work and my sister is married and settled and lives in a huge house, earning less than a third of my income.

friends in very basic jobs go on lavish holidays or work part time. I worry when my car tax is due, despite being in a well paid profession.

thats just the money. I have nobody at all the key events, weddings, christenings etc. constantly been told I am too picky. babies are mentioned all the time...as if I am not aware of it!

if I have a rubbish day theres nobody there when I get home. if I feel poorly theres nobody to make me soup. I realise how self pitying this sounds, but today it has all just got to me.

I feel like the odd one out. I date but just haven't met the right one. maybe I never will. but the world feels so set up for couples and I feel so alone today. even booking holidays alone is expensive compared with going as a couple.

This might be way off the mark but could you get a nice female lodger? It would help with the money and there'd not always be an empty house.

A student might be ideal...

Op you need counselling.

You’ll not meet anyone until you can be in a more positive frame of mind. And it sounds like you haven’t dealt with your ex cheating on you fully.

Try it.

Also at same time think of your ideal man and then target where he might spend his time. Male heavy bike clubs, golf clubs, gyms are all good places to meet men.

I really sympathise - it’s totally shit being single as an adult.

OP, if you have space I really recommend the lodger option. I got one a year ago, she’s just lovely. It’s great knowing there will be another key in the door.

If the cat thing is too much, how about s guinea pig? I had one in a cage indoors and he was marvellous - very chatty and funny. And I liked how demanding he was.

Lay it on the line with your mum and maybe confide separately in your sister? They are failing in their obligation as family to support you. The picture thing is outrageous frankly

I think you're amazing OP, hardly anyone can buy their own home at your age. Yes, you have debt but you're being fiscally responsible by not buying into the holiday crap and "because I'm worth it" nonsense.

I haven't had (what your family would consider) a 'real holiday' for many years, because I prioritised. However (despite a chronic illness) am basically happy and financially, ok. I have a roof over my head, an evil cat and husband. I know you don't have latter at the moment but I was in your position before and husband has nothing to do with my financial security now. I hope you can call on your family if really in crap times i.e of you're I'll.

Ill

You should be proud of yourself. Owning your own home , working , not financially dependant on anyone.
I am nearly 30 years married , found out DH has cheated. I would love to leave and be by myself. Instead , I am financially trapped as I was a SAHM for years and left myself so vulnerable . And had the whole family thing too. But DCs are gone and now I am here with DH .And have never felt lonelier.
So , while you think other people have what you think you are missing isn't always true.
The lack of support from your family is a shame. Shame on them - how unkind it is to leave you out . Have you ever calmly told them how you feel?
And things do seem to revolve around couples, family in UK. I got fed up of missing out , so started going to shows, cinema on my own. Chatting to people, just getting out , makes an evening OK.
Might not work for you , but worth a try ?

I hope you find some way to help you stop feeling so low. Maybe see a counsellor or GP ? As you sound quite depressed.
Because really , just because you are alone , doesn't always mean you should be lonely.

Ah thanks @Ndotto that's really nice 😊.

OP I hope you may be feeling a bit more positive. I think there is a lot of good advice on this thread, and counseling could well be useful as well.

I would also try and focus on what you do have as opposed to what you don't. I think the Robin Williams saying is great - "I used to think the worst thing in life was being alone. Then I realized the worst thing is being with people that make you feel alone". As PP said, alone doesn't have to equal lonely and relationships, as many people will tell you, can be bloody lonely places if they are not right.

The other epiphany I had was this - I realized that, barring moments, I had never actually been happier in a relationship than I was single. Yes I had had some highs but overall most of them really didn't make me happy. That doesn't make me opposed to them, it would be lovely to find a great relationship, but it really is better to be single than in a not great one.

As PPs said, you sound great and have so much going for you. You may well find the right guy when the time is right, but focus for now on building yourself a happy life in the meantime rather than on what you think you lack.

Your problem isn't that you're single. Its that your family are dicks. HTH.

Are you trying to date? When I left my first marriage, I threw myself into on-line dating. And I mean alot! I was on there every night after the kids went to bed. After 8 weeks of making it my sole focus after 9pm every night, I connected with my now husband. 11 years and we are still going strong. It's not for everyone, but I didn't want to be single, so I went into stealth mode!!