Crikey - where to begin?
So - my missus and I have been together 20 years. We're early 40's) We have two lovely well adjusted, happy kids in their early teens, who are no bother at all and they're doing really well. I think we're good parents. As a family unit, we're solid and happy. We're all fit and well people.
I work away, on a vessel in the North Sea, I work 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. We're all very used to it, and it seems to suit us. It means that every month, I have 14 days off with my family. So, although being away isn't 'easy' overall we get a lot of time together, as compared to somebody who works 9-5 say.
When I'm home I absolutely share the housework, in fact, I probably do about 60-70% of it when home. I'm up for the school runs, do the shopping and cook most nights and do the bulk of the washing when home too. In fact - I can't remember the last time she cooked me a nice meal?
I earn good money, and my money all goes into the joint account and covers 95% of the bills. I take some money out for me, for a bit of pocket money, but not much. Because of my work, she works as and when really - for an agency, but certainly isn't a slave to a job or anything like that.
Her money pays for her nice car, and family holidays. I don't really know what she earns exactly, as her money all goes into her account, which doesn't really bother me. She works about 5 days a month on average. Maybe 2 or 3 of those days will be when I'm home. She loves her job, and I like to think that in some respects, she has it all. She is a Mum to two great kids, and yet is a qualified professional too, and earns well, and can, on the whole, with a bit of effort, afford anything she wants really. She's got a husband who adores her.
She's got some good mates, and if she wants a night out, (once a month or so) its no bother - she goes - and I never mind - we all need a night out.
On paper, everything is fine. We're a model middle class successful family - she is the epitomy of a successful professional woman, I 'd say. She could go back to work full time if she wanted, I suppose, but is quite happy meeting the girls for a coffee or walking the dog during the days too.
Me - well, I come home for two weeks, will go out with my pals every other month maybe, sometimes less, but its a frequency I'm happy with. I'm certainly not out all the time and don't sit in front of the telly watching footy for hours on end or behave like a slob in the house. She's definitely under no pressure from me to do anything other than what makes her happy.
She just doesn't seem happy. It's hard to describe - she's not 'high maintenance' or anything - I just sort of feel like I'm in the Friend Zone more and more - almost like a house mate or something? I don't think she'd identify as being unhappy - she just hasn't got much zing anymore - certainly, not towards me.
When I'm at work, contact can be challenging, but I just get the same routine calls from home, saying the same routine stuff, nobody really says much of anything - half the time it feels like they're talking to me cause they have too - but often the tellys on and its all a bit half arsed.
Our sex life was always pretty good - sometimes a bit vanilla, I guess, (I have a slightly kinky side I suppose!, nothing nasty like, just a bit cheeky slap n tickle!)
But she always - always - cums - her pleasure is what gets me off. Generally I'll try and make her orgasm before I look for my own pleasure, and she can orgasm several times. Well - used too - she still always cums, but I think she prefers a nice lie down and her vibrator. In the past she'd maybe dress sexily for me, or play a few games, but all that's dwindling away. I knew it wasn't necessarily her 'thing', she didn't mind, but could take it or leave it.
I appreciated that.
But these last 2 years or so - I literally cannot remember the last time she came onto me. She never flirts any more at all.
Our sex life isn't dead. We'll still play together, but 3 or 4 times a week, has become once or twice a week, and the weeks where its once or not at all a week, are increasing. Usually its just mutual playing with ourselves - its kinda lazy. And the kids are at school, so its not like this is 11pm after a long day in the office. Last holiday we went on, we played a bit, but no actual sex.
But for any action at all - anything - I feel like a dog begging for its tea.
If I never asked her for anything sexual again - I wonder if she'd be bothered in the slightest. But GOD Help Me if she ever caught me masturbating. She wasn't in the mood once, so I er... carried on alone - she came in and went crackers, you'd think there was another woman there the way she erupted.
I'm not the best looking guy - I certainly never get chatted up by women, lol. I'm chubby - but I was when we met - and she fancied me then alright...
My wife is trim and beautiful and I fancy her a lot - and I fantasize about her a lot. I'll ocasionally talk dirty to her on the occasions when we do play together - lying side by side - and she'll be like 'ooh is that what you're going to do to me next time'? No. No it isn't - because next time, you'll not be in the mood, or nipping to the shops will be more urgent, or you'll only agree to allow me a quick play.
I've never played away, and have no desire too. I love my missus, but I'm starting to feel like her mate, or he PA or something.
Is it wrong that I miss her coming on to me so much? I feel in mourning for a dwindling sex life. I feel like a dirty pervert if I ever dare talk to her about her dressing up or being naughty in the bedroom.
But worse, I;m starting to wonder if she's taking her pleasure elsewhere.
It's the little things. I can phone home, and she's not in when I might expect she is. She's working out more. She gets her hair done - always when I'm away. - She goes to work in nice make-up, but never wears any when I'm around. When I'm at work, and we speak , I'll ask what her days been like - 'housework' is the reply. (our kids are tidy, how much housework is there in a week when you're in on your own all day?). In the past when I got home from work, she'd be freshly showered, legs shaved - you know the score ladies (!) now she's sat watching telly in a big dressing gown and slippers, and often the house is a tip. I used to get a smooch - now I get a 'hiya love' and the telly doesn't even get paused. If I pressed the matter, I might get a cuddle and some romantic action - but again- I'd feel like a dog asking for his dinner, its all very task orientated and perfunctory - however gently I try to seduce her. Mutual Hand job - lights out - and thats your lot mate. (As happened on holiday last summer for two weeks. One fumble. I was gutted.)
Deep down I don't think she's having an affair - its almost like she, consciously or otherwise, might be open to one if it came along - because she's just not that into me. But increasingly kind of mardy with me too. I daren't say anything - handles will be flown off.
I sometimes wonder if she;ll bugger off when the kids are old enough?
I think - I hope - I'm a decent husband - but I'm f*cked if I want to spend the next 40 years living with someone who just doesn't fancy me at all - or apparently seem to want me as anything other than a flatmate.
I know womens libido dips - and I don't expect to be hanging off chandeliers every night till I'm 90.
But I miss feeling like her fella. I miss feeling close.
Maybe I'm missing something ?