Heard something I wasn't supposed to...

[Willowcat77]

I moved in with my boyfriend and his DS (22) about 7 months ago. We have been a couple for nearly 3 years and are engaged. His DD (26) moved back in with her dad at the same time as me, after a few years away.

His children are lovely, outgoing and very popular. I thought we got on okay, though I often feel very awkward and the odd one out due to my ASD. I often worry I make them feel uncomfortable when I'm around and sometimes delay coming home until I know DP is back.

Anyway, yesterday evening I got back home. Only his DD was in, doing some cooking. We talked a bit, I was trying to be pleasant etc because it feels rude to go past without saying anything.

The conversation finished and I left the room, as I left I then heard her say quietly, "Fuck off, you're stressing me out"

I don't think she knows I heard but now I feel very upset. I told DP but he thinks I might have misheard or maybe it wasn't directed at me. But it must have been aimed at me because nobody else was there! I don't know whether to ask her or whether that would make things worse, what do you think? I already feel like an outsider here and this seems to confirm it.

I'd put money on her getting a text from someone she didn't want to talk to and talking to her phone. I've definitely done that. It just seems v odd otherwise.

I honestly say that all the time when someone keeps texting me!! I understand why you'd be upset and worried I would feel the same, but I would bet that was the most likely reason!

if shes been perfectly nice to you so far i think she was either speaking to her cooking (like if something wasnt cooking fast enough or thickening etc). or her phone. i do this daily. someone may have text her and she couldnt be arsed with them or even her phone not working properly. i would ask her.

This is exactly the sort of thing I think when people whom I love very much witter on at me when I’m trying to concentrate on something else. On occasions, I may have vocalised it quietly, when I thought they couldn’t hear me. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them. Just want them to STFU when I’m busy.

I tell my phone to fuck off all the time. Tonight i told a pallet to fuck off. I dont think its a given that it was aimed at you.

Aaah I honestly said to my fridge tonight “fuck off you dick head”. Hopefully it was just that sort of thing.

This evening the lid came off the chocolate Philadelphia and shot somewhere across the kitchen floor when I opened the fridge - the Philadelphia cheese company, their ill-fitting lids and the I'm-hiding-under-the-clothes-horse-lid all received a torrent of abuse and a slammed fridge door! This is normal operations for me (and highly relieved to hear I'm not the only one!!!). Inanimate objects give me the rage.

This is exactly the sort of thing I think when people whom I love very much witter on at me when I’m trying to concentrate on something else.

Me too, it's just a moment of exasperation and doesn't mean anything - but it's hurtful to hear.

I agree with PP's, you're in a stressful situation with two young adults and your DP. Is there any way you could move back into your old home while you get it ready to sell? Why is your ex still in it - i'm assuming you split over three years ago as you've been with your DP for that long?

It might have been that she felt scrutinised while cooking.

You have ASD so while you think you may have been making conversation, it might have come across as interrogation.

Oh bless you, OP, that sounds upsetting but is quite possibly nothing. And even if it is directed at you, it would be ok to have a conversation about it. I'd suggest something like:

'Hey StepDD, I feel really silly about this but it's going round in my head so I just wanted to chat to you about it. Yesterday when I left the kitchen I heard you say 'fuck off, you're stressing me out'. Was it about me? You can be honest with me. I really want us to get along, I know it can be hard sharing a space so if I'm stressing you out doing something please I'd really like to know so I can make sure I don't bug you!'

Check she wasn’t still on phone. My DD is quite often chatting with friends on phone ( facetiming etc) then will talk to me. I finish talking and I discover the friend is still there and says ‘ hi mum!’. So she may well have just restarted her earlier conversation and actually you were the interruption!