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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Friend says, we can get together with your husband too

72 replies

dellacucina · 26/04/2019 23:10

How would you interpret this?

Not a recent one, but I think it's led me to back off from a friend.

She was flatmates/friends with DH first. I separately had thought of her as a friend and arranged brunch etc a few times. On one of these occasions, she said, "you know, you can also invite DH along. We don't always have to meet up alone."

I've stopped asking her to meet up and she hasn't reached out to me other than to invite me to her hen do (which I attended and enjoyed). When we see each other she is warm and seems to like me (she's a bit airy fairy too)

My assumption is she's not that interested in being my friend. Is this oversensitive?

OP posts:

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 27/04/2019 10:21

I have a similar situation, in that I have a male friend and then became friends with his wife. I'd like to see them both together because a) they are both my friends and b) there's nothing I feel I can't say in front of both of them, ie: no areas of my life I want to discuss with "just" my old friend, or "just girls".

They want to see me separately because they want to bitch about the other

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/04/2019 10:27

Your argument is illogical. If you want your own friends, you need to cultivate your own, not expect those, who were friends with your dh first to do your bidding to satisfy your ego.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/04/2019 10:44

Friend says, we can get together with your husband too

Is it just me that thought this thread was about threesomes?

My assumption is she's not that interested in being my friend. Is this oversensitive?

Yes. Wildly.

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 10:52

I have other friends. It's just that sometimes I would like to go out for brunch or whatever with girlfriends, and you can do this with a lady who's also a friend you meet up with as couples too.

We actually went as a couple to have dinner with her and her DH at their house quite recently.

I have not broken off anything. It's just that I probably always arranged meeting up with her and when I stopped, she didn't make that effort.

I don't know how often she gets together with other friends, or whether she normally accepts invitations rather than arranging things herself.

I am quite shy and don't usually like to arrange get-togethers so I think I just took it a bit hard because it felt like she was saying she would rather not see me alone.

People are really reading a lot into what I have said

OP posts:

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 10:57

And when she said this, she and I had met up separately. She didn't say, hey, let's all go out together on X date. It felt like she was suggesting that she would rather not meet up with me alone. Perhaps she just wanted to see DH instead.

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 27/04/2019 11:00

Dh is her friend. I am sure that sometimes she may like a catch up with him, alone.

Like all of us do. I like meeting a in a group, like to also catch up on a 1-2-1 basis.

None of this makes her any less you r friend.

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:02

I've never said it's a problem that they are friends! It just felt like she thought it was odd that he wasn't invited along too or something. But I don't see why that is strange - turning it around, does one always have to do things as a couple?

OP posts:

TheGoddessFrigg · 27/04/2019 11:05

People are really reading a lot into what I have said

....Irony klaxon....

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:07

TheGoddessFrigg
Touche! But it's quite a stretch to assume I have forbidden them to see each other or that I have refused to do things as a group based on what I said (imo)

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2019 11:10

People are really reading a lot into what I have said

That lacks some serious self awareness op. Serious.

What's the back story then? I've not read your other threads, but it seems your behaviour here is part of s bigger issue?

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:13

Bluntness100 you're aware that I was asking in this thread if I have been oversensitive. I was open to the idea that I was reading too much into her comment.

OP posts:

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:14

And there is no backstory with this friend. You have posted in some of my other threads about my hypercritical husband. I think people are talking about my drinking because he drank all my wine and then said I had had too much to drink when we were on holiday and I posted a thread about this (which I think you were on)

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 27/04/2019 11:18

I mentioned your drink problem because you admitted that you have a boarder line drink problem.

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:19

I would say I drink more than is healthy but it doesn't really interfere with my life

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 27/04/2019 11:31

Ok OP

If you cant see how you drinking problem, plus a dick of a husband, plus your tendency to control isnt contributing to your over sensitivity about this and in general, there isnt much anyone can say.

You sound miserable. I was only hoping for you to have a think about the whole situation and why this, totally reasonable comment, is something you have blown out of proportion.

Original poster

dellacucina · 27/04/2019 11:44

I can see that I may have been oversensitive, and what you are saying makes sense. I wasn't arguing with you, just responding to Bluntness, who had asked about back story.

OP posts:

goldenchicken · 27/04/2019 11:53

Yeah YABU. They were mates before.

Summersunsareglowing · 27/04/2019 12:20

OP, just stop posting on the thread now - it's getting really boring. It's a non-issue.

ittakes2 · 28/04/2019 07:58

I think the opposite to you - that she was trying to be accommodating as in if you want to bring your hubby no problem. I find it weird when I set up lunch with my friends and they bring their hubby along! So I think she was just saying it’s ok.

AliceRR · 28/04/2019 10:30

I thought this too

AnyFucker · 28/04/2019 10:35

I thought this was going to be about a sex thing

Kennehora · 28/04/2019 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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