How to stop feeling so angry and resentful.

[MoreHarryThanHermione]

Full on rant here - feel free to grab a cup of tea.

So - our house is being reposessed on 14th August. GH has had 3 unsuccessful fuck ups of business ideas. We also lost 2 other propert6ies and 3 cars, in fact I sold my clapped out runaround on Ebay yesterday as we are desperate for money. I also did a bootfair and earned £85 yesterday.

DH now has good employed job that we get paid for 1st month at end of the month.

It is our 9 year anniversary next week and my anger is just swirling like a red bile in my chest.

I have been sniping at him for about 6 months now (we also have a 12yr, 8yr and 9month old). Every idea I make he ignores and wanders off like a toddler on a motorway.

He thinks its ok for the kids to go to bed at 10, for ds to not brush his teeth at night if he is too tired.

The final straw has just happened - in our rented house the drains have blocked (for 4th time in almost 2 months). As we have not paid rent this month ("Dont worry i will sort it") there is water all over the laundry room floor and manky water in the sink. We cant call landlady as owe her money, and Im buggered if I am going to spend our food money on getting a plumber.

He is now in a job where he is out of the house for 13 hours a day, then has dinner and goes to bed. His job recently involved a 2 day team building break at a 5 star hotel. everything he does is very "city like" from lunches to entertaining to....rahhh!!!!

I am left with the debt, the baby, the shit of living in a crap hole, I hate him so much.

he wants us to have a nice meal next week. i would rather stab him with a spoon.

Im so so resentful. i feel like he has just swanned off and got away scot free and I am literally left holding the baby living in a shitty house. i may as well be single.

This anger and resentment is building daily and i feel like I am going to burst.

Oh whats the fucking point.

Nobody gives a shit anyway. |Just needed a rant. sorry.

i think I need to stress on here that DH thinks he is an amazing dh and father. He always tells me what i think i want to hear (even if its lying). he has finally got a good job (after 4 appalling years). He occasionally cooks (leaves mess in his wake - thanks for that gorgon fecking Ramsey). And he puts the loo lid down. woo.

He would not do couples counselling because of new job. Not that we could afford it and he would just flannel the counsellor and make them think he was the bees knees and the bestest dh in the world (give yourself a shiny, fuckwit).

Oh crap, I know the feeling! my vile scum bag parasite of a husband Is just like this. Im here to tell you that they dont get any better, if theyre this bloody useless with money at this stage of life (my parasite is 40)... they just dont!

The utter selfishness with money, putting themselves before their own kids even. Its a form of mental illness.

Occasionally you can get through to their thick heads that they've fucked up big time, sometimes this sort of man will try to do something about it (a new job/ 'business venture' 'borrow to pay off other debts' 'gamble' 'speculate to accumulate' whatever the fuck they want to call it, etc etc the list is endless).... BUT ITS ALWAYS TEMPORARY, THEY ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL SLIP BACK INTO THE OLD PATTERNS.

{they need a mother to look after them and guide them, not a wife)

Exactly.

Ive got 3 kids and a dog, I dont need another one.

He was full of potential when I married him, I was star struck, but as the dazzling glare has worn off the more I see what a delusional idiot he is.

I have been to the council but because we are "together" and have a roof over my head then I am not a priority and I am facing a 3 year wait.

I cant go to my Dads, he is also a sapping selfish parasite.

My Mum doesnt want to speak to me because I have spoken to my dad.

ROCK ME HARD PLACE

Get some advice from the CAB. Maybe you should kick him out (if you can get enough financial help to keep the roof over your head?). He sounds like a nightmare.

i think you sound amazing tbh

all sounds crap and you are holding it all together and being witty to boot

suggestions:

1. can mum come to stay for a day?
2. can dh get one day off so you can recover just for a moment
3. can you get a babysitter so you can go out and at least rant at dh over bottle of wine and you might like him again?

good luck xx

Hey everyone.

feeling better today, Im so so sorry for my screaming, rude rants. Its not me at all. im mortified tbh

I tried to talk to dh for several hours, but all he wanted to do was rake up the past. i told him i was angry because I love him and yet resentful because of the situation we are in.

He said its me, like it or lump it.

I am now in the process of planning my move out. Im really upset today but very calm and clear.

Thanks for listening. x

I think you're doing the right thing. It'll give you space to think about what you want and your dh a chance to miss you and, more importantly, what you do for him.

I hope you move and decide you are strong enough to do this on your own...

Good luck and keep strong

moreharry

wouldn't a short stay away be more practical? where are you going to go? couldn't he have kids for long weekend and get a taste of your life?

he sounds a twit - all toys out of the pram tbh - but then we all go a bit like that when confronted

good luck x

moreharry........glad ur feeling calm and collected today.

you can give this sort of man chance after chance but lets face it, how many chances do they deserve? They will carry on 'taking' from you til theres nothing left.

There comes a point where no amount of breakes/temporary seperations/relationship councelling or 'second chances' is going to make up for the endlessly repeated idiot behaviour. Slaving after him/struggling to make ends meet/struggling to feed your kids whilst hes cooking up yet another stupid scheme, isnt actually helping him to act like an adult.

like i said, sounds ike he needs a mum not a wife, maybe he will find someone who wants to mother him and keep him so he doesnt have to take responsibility for himself/money etc etc.

best of luck! you deserve it

Leilel

You have written it down perfectly. Whats that expression? If things dont change, then things dont change.

I cant change him, he told me that last night, I have to accept him or leave him and I cant do this anymore.

I work my arse off trying to paper over the cracks of his mess ups, whilst he swans off and has an alter ego at work, where he is perfect (at the moment).

I do love him very much but I just dont want to go on his journey with him (he wants first class all the way whilst waiting to be thrown off the plane - I want economy and to just get there, stress free).

I had a very dramatic, wild childhood, my parents are notorious. I want persil automatic life. I think thats why he was drawn to me - he had persil automatic and was mummied and he longs for a bit of high life. I thought he was what I wanted and vice versa.