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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do you deal with being ghosted?

47 replies

Ghosted2019 · 24/04/2019 15:21

Had 4 dates with a man that I've liked for a long time. Things were going great, he was the one that asked me out initially and seemed really keen.

At the weekend he suddenly ghosted me. Completely NC. He's not blocked me or anything and he's been active on social media but he's completely ignoring my messages. I've sent a few but no response.

It's the not knowing that hurts the most. If he's met someone else or just isn't that into me then I'd rather him tell me but it feels really cruel to just blank me and leave me wondering. I was really starting to like him. Sad

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 24/04/2019 15:24

It's the not knowing that hurts the most.

But you do know OP. He's ghosted you, it's over.

Chocolate is the answer.

Prequelle · 24/04/2019 15:26

I get very pompous and think how very dare he ghost someone as awesome as myself? What a cheek! His loss clearly.

I end up convincing myself that all this is true and that I'm awesome and so my stubborn side comes out where I DGAF and would rather walk over hot coals than speak to them again.

Try it! Sod him

joystir59 · 24/04/2019 15:30

You can't make someone like you,and if he doesn't like you what do you care? Move on.

TheMightyToosh · 24/04/2019 15:31

Send one final scathing "thanks for helping me dodge the bullet that is YOU/phew I had a lucky escape there if this is how you treat people" message and then block HIM and don't look back.

NameChangeNugget · 24/04/2019 15:47

Don’t send a final message. You’ll look like an arse.

His silence is his response. Block & move on. Don’t give him the satisfaction, he doesn’t give a shit

CoffeeConnoisseur · 24/04/2019 15:48

Don’t send another thing.

Delete and block him.

AnnaNimmity · 24/04/2019 15:59

Move one! Don't chase. It's his loss.

There's a better person out there for you, whereas he'll always be a twat.

joystir59 · 24/04/2019 16:02

He isn't a twat, he just isn't interested.

Tara336 · 24/04/2019 16:09

It’s a cowardly way to treat people, why not just be honest? It’s a horrible way to behave, block and move on people like this don’t deserve your time or energy

AsleepAllDay · 24/04/2019 16:10

Block him and move on. It's not nice, but people do it. His loss

Honeybee85 · 24/04/2019 16:11

It happened to me too in the past after 3 dates with a guy I really fancied. I know how much it hurts.

But if he treats you like that, it means there is something wrong with him and he doesnt deserve you. Thats your answer.

Please block him before he becomes a zombie. This type usually will come crawling back in a few months after you moved on to someone new and you are no longer interested in him.

For now, give yourself some extra love and try to focus on other things.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/04/2019 16:14

I block them.
So when the try to worm their way back in after a few months and they want a shag, they can't contact me!
Job done.
You then can't 'stalk' them.
Block him on everything.

Dieu · 24/04/2019 16:33

Let's just be clear about one thing: he IS a twat. It is absolutely fair enough if he's had a rethink or isn't interested, but the decent thing to do is let you know about it! So ignoring your messages and taking the coward's way out, is indeed a twatty way to behave.

Crazybunnylady123 · 24/04/2019 16:50

Forget him. Buy yourself something nice. Life is short for you to waste anymore time on him.
Plenty more fish...and all that!

TeaForTheWin · 24/04/2019 16:55

With regards to your scenario - I block them.

Just a heads up, things going very well and them suddenly vanishing is a very common test used by narcissists and the like. Then they come back with a really shit excuse (or not any excuse at all) as to why they vanished - just to see if you will ignore their shit behaviour and let things go straight back to where they were. Don't.

NORMAL people don't just ghost (at least after more than one date) with no explanation. Nor do they have the cheek to try to come back at a later point as if nothing happened.

Block, delete, no contact.

JenniferJareau · 24/04/2019 17:04

Block, delete, no contact.

Agree. Like a sticking plaster, best gotten rid of quickly.

He wasn't very nice if he couldn't even be adult enough to break it off directly with you.

Wine helps 🍷 Flowers

Romax · 24/04/2019 17:07

Send one final scathing "thanks for helping me dodge the bullet that is YOU/phew I had a lucky escape there if this is how you treat people" message and then block HIM and don't look back.

Thanks please don’t do this. He will do nothing more than show his mates, have a good chuckle and thank his lucky stars he made the decision he did.

Plan something nice with a friend to look forward to.
And squash any and all thoughts of him

ChippyPickledEggs · 24/04/2019 17:13

I just leave it. It's all that's to be done. You've sent messages - he doesn't want to communicate. You can't make him, so leave it.

It feels horrible though, I know. Some people just cannot be real with others. They would rather avoid the discomfort of having an honest conversation than give someone the peace of mind that comes with closure. It's immature, I think, and selfish.

AsleepAllDay · 24/04/2019 17:15

And it does hurt OP - blocking them and also realising they didn't even want to dignify 4 dates with a 'no thanks' text. He clearly doesn't think that's important so you have to let it go

Ceebeegee · 24/04/2019 17:17

I got ghosted after seeing a guy for three months. I know how upsetting it is. I know it'll be really tempting to message him but don't.
Delete his number. Don't waste any more time on him.
Deep breath, chin up and don't give him any more head space.

orangejuiced · 24/04/2019 17:47

Dont say anything further to him, just block and delete him. You keep your dignity that way. You can find someone great who deserves you.

BigRedLondonBus · 24/04/2019 17:55

It was only 4 dates, don't send a last message you will just lock unhinged

Orangecake123 · 24/04/2019 18:18

I got ghosted after 9 months. Your pain is real, but you need time OP. You could write letter but don't have to send it, to help you get closure.

AnnaNimmity · 25/04/2019 15:52

I also know how painful it is. If it happened to me now, I would not chase. I would not contact them, and I would feel smug that I have had a lucky escape. A person who is willing to ghost you, and is unable or unwilling to give you closure (even if by text) is not worth it.

Normal people do not ghost. And he'll be back. So block.

It's his loss OP.

Auntpetunia2015 · 25/04/2019 16:00

Block him and move on. When he try’s to worm his way back in coz his latest victim didn’t work out you won’t now. I deleted a number once but didn’t block and when he texted again 4 weeks later..he got the response sorry who is this?! I knew it was him because of what he’d written ..I then blocked him! Made me feel good