I thought I was the only woman... turns out I'm the other woman

[babyblue32]

I'm gutted and feel like the worst person in the world.

My and my LO dad arnt together anymore, we haven been since I found out I was pregnant. He's 9months now. About two weeks ago.... I found a social media account (came up as suggested for you) it's only him. And he's only bloody married with two kids.

He's got a whole secret life. Once I found this I did some digging .... he took the time to delete and block me from every account he as that hi/ real life is on. All so I wouldn't find out.

Well know I now. She has to know! I don't want him back, I don't love him. But I would want to know. Wouldn't you? Well I messaged her. But it hasn't sent. Now he's ignoring me to. Has said he won't pay anymore and he'll cut my CM massively.

Anyone ever been in this situation being the other woman and thinking you were the only woman. I feel terrible.... but I really didn't know.

Has said he won't pay anymore and he'll cut my CM massively.

I don't think he has that choice, does he?

Hi through official channels to get your money.

Of course she should know he's a cheating bastard who gathered a child outside their relationship and kept it a secret (and deceived the other woman and pretended he was single) ... There are bound to be other ways of informing her, but I wouldn't concentrate on that at the minute, just on getting what you're owed financially, reliably and in looking after yourself and your wee one.

*Go through

• fathered

Also don't feel bad, you didn't know, it's not your fault. He can claim you knew (as he probably will) but you know the truth, you're not together and in the long run it doesn't matter.

If you only have informal arrangements for child support, go through the official channels to endure he still pays.
You poor thing. And his poor wife. And three kids with a nasty piece of work for a father.
Look after yourself and your baby. If you didn't know then none of this is remotely your fault. Put your baby first, as the other poor woman will hopefully do with her children. He doesn't deserve a family at all.

He’s a piece of litter. Don’t let him treat you and your child like this, claim CMS now and yes, you let his wife know.

She should know, and all your kids deserve to know they have a half siblings and that their dad has another family, imagine kids finding out later as a shock horror.

I would tell her
And tell him he has treated you and her like shit so cutting off payment is laughable and legally he can’t do that.

The wife deserves to know that some of their joint money is going to another child- I would want to know!

What a cunt. Go through official channels for CM.

Good luck with communication from the wife. Don't be offended if she's very hostile to start with. He will be spinning her lies. Hopefully she will see through them eventually.

If she accepts your version of events, would you be open to DC having a relationship with half siblings? Apologies you may not have thought that far ahead and it's a lot to take it

If you've sent it through Facebook, it will look like it hasn't sent until she opens it

Good luck with the CM, go through every agency etc you can to chase him. And please don't ever ever take him back - he's angry now but may be back to sweet talk you especially if his wife wises up

Has said he won't pay anymore and he'll cut my CM massively
Just tell him that that's OK as you will go via CMS.
Then his wife really will find out!!!
But you will be getting what your child deserves.
Have you had a look at what you are entitled to?
If you know roughly what he earns then you can have a look HERE
Don't feel bad OP.
This is NOT your fault.
I'd do all I could to ensure his wife knows what a low life she is married to.

Wow. How awful for you. Don’t listen to his threats. He doesn’t get to decide that. Open up a CMS claim and get it done officially. He’s a piece of shit. The wife definitely has a right to know. God knows how many other women he’s doing this to!

If you know her name you could search for her on WhatsApp and message her directly. I’d be tempted to track her down and approach her in person. Hand her a letter explaining what’s happened. Brief containing no emotion but saying you’ve had no choice but to open a CMS claim and you thought she had a right to know

Go through CMS and get maintenance sorted properly. It's not up to him how much he chooses to pay.

So sorry, must have been a horrible thing to find out. Yes, I think I'd want to know if my DH had fathered a child with someone else.

Absoloutley TELL HER!!

I hate reading threads on here where women and are like ‘don’t ruin her life just because he screwed you over’
What happened to having each other back??? Huh?? If my DH was a cheating scum bag with a child outside of our marriage you can bet your ass I’d want to know!

I would send a message to her, stressing that you have no knowledge of her at all and he had blocked you from everything constraining his real life. I’d include any pictures/messages/evidence you have as he will no doubt try to talk his way out of it and say it’s not true! If he’s making payments into your account I’d even screenshot that (keeping your own info private obvs) so he can’t dispute that he is in fact paying you CM!

Prepare for the wife to be angry and not be very nice to you initially - though if you do explain that you had no idea and also feel very taken advantage of by this arsehole I’m sure she’ll calm down.

Good luck xx

@ShamuShamu hand her a letter? Track her down? This other women hasn't done anything and has children too. I understand trying to talk to her if you feel it's best, but also be prepared that if she stick by him still, she may support him in having contact as the child has siblings.

Definitely contact CMS re: child maintenance. But remain the bigger person, don't stoop to his level

And FWIW, I'd do everything in my power to find and tell her what a cheating piece of shit he is

If you messaged her but it hasn't sent/won't deliver, it's possible hes blocked your number/profiles from her phone too.
You can always use a friends phone to send the message.

I'm so sorry!

What a horrible thing to go through, wishing you lots of strength to get through this.

Also I'm with what everyone else is saying, go through the official channels and hell yes his poor wife should know!

Good luck x

Contact her Via her social media.

He’s a cunt.

His wife has a right to know what the wanker hAs done.

Why does he think he can do what he has done and wifey will not find out.

Maybe she does know, the fact he got arsey when you said you would contact her doesn't mean she doesn't. If you're going to contact her go through Facebook or WhatsApp don't contact his regiment.

The military take adultery quite seriously.... ay least in the USA...not sure about the UK.

His wife doesn't know. He's lying and now you've told him you've messaged her...he can get into her account and delete the message.

Get smart, because he's good at this game of deceit.

Wow, so sorry op that's horrible.

If you're not connected on FB your message might not go through and sit in requests. I didn't realise that it was even there and found I'd been sent loads of messages that I knew nothing about.

Send a friend request followed by the message, that may go through