How long should you wait before getting intimate?

[Pickleandparty]

Okay, so I have a genuine question which seems to vary by everyone I ask but on a timescale when is the best time to get intimate with someone? When you first start dating, Do you wait weeks or months? Or count on dates?

When it feels right.

Me personally has to get to know them quite well before being intimate. For me it was exciting waiting and gradually building up to it and I could feel completely uninhibited rather than being shy with someone I had just met.

Yes same. Although I would always be nervous the first time even if we were dating for a while before.

Did it with DP after our 1st date. No accounting for lust.. almost 6 years later we're still together. Whether you wait or not it's no guarantee relationship will last, it's all down to chance so just do what's right for you.

All you can really do is see if you click and there are no visible red flags, no alarm bells etc

Yeh That was going to be my next question , like does it actually have an impact on your relationship on the whole whenever you decide to have your first time, I defiantly wouldn't leave it too long as I would feel like it would be a big build up and more pressure if that make sense?

I don't think we decided until the last minute just went for it. It could have an impact if your man is judgmental about women I suppose. DP isn't. But I know some women have definitely had men say 'You were easy' as a way of scoring points in an argument. I think however there would've been red flags or signs of sexism and unkindness that were ignored by women, in that instance.

When I feel/felt like it. I think with most of my long term relationships it's been on the first date. I've discovered no correlation between length of waiting and quality/length of subsequent relationship or lack thereof. I've heard people say about the man 'not respecting' you if you do it 'too soon', but I've always been of the opinion that if a man thinks in that way then I wouldn't want a serious relationship with him anyway.

I think it depends on the kind of men you date. I didn’t want to sleep with the kind of men that would judge women differently to men. When you both feel ready. When I was in my 20’s I had a couple of boyfriends that wanted to wait longer than I did . It didn’t affect the relationship.

I think thecatneuterer is spot on. If the chemistry is right, l have sex on a first date. If it is the right kind of person, l certainly don’t think it has a negative impact on what happens from there.

If it is the wrong kind of person, best to know sooner rather than later.

As an aside, my sister laid her now husband within hours of meeting him and they have been married some 10 years.

There is no 'should' in this OP. I have a relatively small number of partners--one I waited months, another I waited maybe a week or two, one was a friend who became a lover, and one the wait was nearly 15 years (no not a typo) due to circumstances.

As long as you want mate!

Max about 45 minutes?

(different type of date...)

With DH we were friends for a year and then the night I told him I fancied him we ended up in bed. I say do it when it feels right. If you get judged for that then they are clearly not the one for you. I wouldn't want a partner who policed my sexuality like that.

Make him wait as long as possible (old fashioned)

Do what feels right to you.

What everyone else said and if it’s going to make you too attached if you do it, then I’d wait until you naturally fall rather than just because you had sex

Whatever you want, first date or wedding night - it's up to you. The most important thing is you feel comfortable

3 months (do not tell him this is the length of time!).

Gives him a chance to :

• throw a petulant strop for not getting a shag - dump
• try a bit of alcohol induced date rape - dump
• tell all his mates you're frigid to try and shame you into a shag - dump

Quite a useful tactic for weeding out the arseholes who otherwise mask their arseholery

I have found where I have waited a "respectable" length of time (2 months) the person has turned out to have a low sex drive and this has led to problems. Also, I have over invested and been too ready to settle for poor sexual compatibility.

Go with when it feels right, use protection.

The most important thing is consideration of the consequences. The question is “Am I prepared to create a child or have a termination if I get pregnant by this man?

Casual sex has consequences for individuals and for society. The ‘whenever you want’ attitude is hedonistic and damaging.

45 minutes.

Married many many years now to my gorgeous "one night stand"

I didn't used to care, if it felt right it felt right. An hour? A week? Who knew?!

But, with DH he was the first person I actively told I had a "5 date rule". And I ended up married to him. No idea whether this had anything to do with our relationship lasting as I'd genuinely never waited that long with anyone else.

Whenever you’re comfortable. Stay safe and have fun.

I like sex and I’m not going to hold out as some sort of relationship test. If I fancy them and it feels right, then we’ll have sex. With current BF it was about 3 weeks - which was rather longer than I wanted to wait but since we both have DC, we had difficulty scheduling times when we were both child free.

DW and I had been good friends for a while before we arranged a proper date. We did the deed then went out as arranged..

My mum always said around six weeks. And there is some science behind it.

However I’d say as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable, if that’s 1 hour or 1 month then all good.

Guy I’m currently seeing and have been for about 7 months and I, didn’t even make the hour. It was only supposed to be a one night thing. I had no expectations of it working into a relationship. The right guy will respect and wait, or won’t judge if you jump into bed straight away.