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Original poster

I cheated? Drunk kiss on a night out?

64 replies

sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 19:58

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years we are deeply in love and I am v happy. I went drinking last night (I am 21 and not a mum so sorry if I am not allowed to post here) and I literally cannot remember anything after entering the club. I woke up this morning feeling badly hungover and went home and was content. My friend then texted me saying she saw me kissing someone else but she doesn't know what happened or who initiated it. Obviously I am massively shocked and devastated it is completely out of character and I would never cheat. Of course I do not expect sympathy and I cant blame the alcohol but when I am sober I am not even attracted to anyone else. I also wet myself in the night because I was so drunk. I told my boyfriend right away and rang him and he's been very chilled about it and said he knows the type of person I am and that I wouldn't have reciprocated it and he trusts me. Of course he has been extremely forgiving and I am greatful but I can't shake the guilt feeling. I really can't remember doing it and I am only relying on my friends word but I dont see what reason she would have to make it up. I have asked her to ring me so I can get more detail about it but she is ignoring me.

How do I get past this guilt? I've told my parents and my friends and have been very apologetic but what good does that do? It was my fault for drinking that much and being in that situation. I feel sick to my stomach and I feel like I don't deserve to be on the planet anymore to be honest. Now I am going to have a reputation as a cheat and I have hurt the one person who I adore and love the most. I can't see a way out.

Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 23/04/2019 20:47

Ring 111 OP.

Just in case it is something else and not drink spiking.

LimpidPools · 23/04/2019 20:52

Well, you know that's pretty much nothing sweetheart. This does not sound like something you did, it sounds like something that was done to you. And that's a nasty and scary thing in its own right.

Your boyfriend sounds like a good sort. He's not holding it against you and he's telling you it doesn't sound like you.

I also don't know if you could take this to the police, but that doesn't sound like a normal hangover and I've had a few.

Aragog · 23/04/2019 20:54

You had one drink before you went out.
You remember entering the club but nothing more.
You returned home with all your money.
Woke up hung over.
Been sick all day.
No memory of anything since entering the club.

I'd be worried of being drugged.Because that doesn't sound like its alcohol induced - you'd at least remember the first few drinks surely?

Did you friend bring you away and take you straight home? If not, why not?

Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 20:55

@Aragog I dont know she hasn't responded to me so I don't know the circumstances

OP posts:
outreach29 · 23/04/2019 20:56

Maybe she has a bad hangover too

Aragog · 23/04/2019 21:00

Amnesia, sickness into the next day, confusion, etc are all symptoms of drinks being spiked.

I can't see how it can be an alcohol hangover if you don't remember any of the night, right from the start, and you spent no money all night.

Dirtybadger · 23/04/2019 21:10

Firstly I don't want this to encourage you to ignore any of your instincts. So please do consider the fact you could have been spiked.

However, almost the exact same thing happened to me once. I was also about 21, Too (so a decent number of years ago but I'm not quite 30 yet). I found out several months after it happened. I hadn't been spiked. I was shit faced. I am confident I wasn't spiked as I was a regular heavy binge drinker and would often have parts of the evening blacked out. That night most of it was gone. I built up such a tolerance that I would appear alright to friends but would remember absolutely nothing some times.

I stopped drinking heavily for the rest of the relationship because I didn't want it to ever happen again. And like you it wasn't something I would have done sober. Or even just "quite drunk".

When I became single again a year or two later I went back to drinking more when I went out. I thought what's the problem now I'm single? Unfortunately something much worse happened on another occasion.

I still drink but generally way less. If I'm not with DP (and I'm not at my house or a friends) I wont have more than a couple, for safety and because I would rather not risk our relationship for some weird drink induced flirting or whatever.

Please don't underestimate how vulnerable you are drinking a lot. I did a lot of mad stuff in my teens and 20s and binge drinking would sound not too bad on paper but it was when all the worst thing happened. So take care

With regards to guilt, you can't do anything now. It's done. You've been honest. If your boyfriend is a nice guy then this will make you appreciate that more. Time will help you forgive yourself.

Howlingatthesun · 23/04/2019 21:11

Does your friend remember anyone buying you a drink in the club? As clearly the drink you had at home wasn't spoked.

At least your bf is ok about it. Dont beat yourself up!

Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:12

@Dirtybadger Thankyou I am not sure whether it was excessive drinking or otherwise but I will not be going out anymore it has obviously put me off massively.

OP posts:
ReSistingPink · 23/04/2019 21:13

I agree with everyone above.
The kiss is the least of your worries.

You were drugged. Undoubtedly.
One drink? Did your friend do it? How well do you know them? Have you checked your phone for pics or your search history. Did you spend money? Or did your friend keep you there and just pretend you went out together?

Something is VERY suspicious here.
Go get tested. Even get a rape kit.
You need to treat this very seriously.
Your friend knows way more than they are letting on. They are key to all this.

Blanking your calls is a very bad sign.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:13

@Howlingatthesun I don't think so she hasn't said anything I wish I could remember what I drank. And I know I am v greatful for him but still feel like the worst person in the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:16

@ReSistingPink I trust my friend she is a girl I've been friends with for years. I spent no money I have no pictures and I have a text from me to her saying where are you but it wasnt delivered. And why do you think she is blanking my calls? Maybe shes annoyed at me for being a cheat.

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 23/04/2019 21:18

Did your friend make the drink for you at her place? Sounds like she spiked it with something (maybe some E trying to give you a good night?), and you've had a reaction to it.
At least your boyfriend has been understanding about it.

Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:19

@CryptoFascist well she does drugs but I don't so I don't know? Im pretty sure I made the drink though.

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 23/04/2019 21:19

This happened to my when I was 22. I went out, remember having one drink, then nothing else. I also wet myself in the night, was horrendously sick the following day and fractured two teeth falling into some railings as my friend couldn't hold me upright.

My flat mate found me glassy eyed, scratching at her bedroom door at 3am and put me into her bed, then stayed awake all night to make sure I didn't die. She made me go with her to A&E when I finally came to the next day, I had blood tests and had been spiked with 2 different date rape drugs.

I was really lucky that I had a good friend there to take me home - he later told me rescued me from disappearing off with a man I didn't know.

It's not your fault, your account feels so familiar, I think you were definitely drugged.

ReSistingPink · 23/04/2019 21:21

@sweetnsuga123 you don't remember leaving their house. You said you had one drink before you left and nothing else.

You woke up after wetting yourself and talking nonsense to your dad and weird vision and being sick all day. I have no doubts. You were drugged.

I wouldn't give a crap about 'cheating'. The kiss is irrelevant. Your bf sounds fab not to hassle you over it so if your friend is pissed off there could be jealousy issues.

I'd be confronting your friend. Tell them you're going to go to the hospital to be tested for substances and see her reaction.

Something seriously shady going on there.

wigglypiggly · 23/04/2019 21:26

I think you were drugged, please go to hospital and ask for a blood test.

Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:26

@Cuzcospoison Thankyou its weird how similar our accounts sound I hadn't even considered it

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:27

@ReSistingPink I've tried to message her but no reply so unfortunately I dont think Im going to find out what happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetnsuga123 · 23/04/2019 21:29

I think if I say to people I think I've been spiked there just going to say oh you're just guilty and trying to make up excuses.

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 23/04/2019 21:29

@sweetnsuga123 you can find out what happened by going to the hospital - there may still be traces in your blood. Then confront her.

Dirtybadger · 23/04/2019 21:31

Sorry I missed the bit where you said you knew you only had one drink. If you know you only had one drink (Didn't spend money) then this CANNOT be from it!

Cuzcospoison · 23/04/2019 21:31

Just realised it was last night - it will definitely still be in your system. Trust me when I say that you will feel a lot better once you know it's not your fault.

serialtester · 23/04/2019 21:34

I had a night out in the summer where I was spiked. Perfectly fine for one drink until I was totally out of it. Fortunately my other half was there to look after me. Look after yourself. It's a horrible thing to happen.

wigglypiggly · 23/04/2019 21:34

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, this is only about you. Dont message her, dont mention the spiking, just get a blood test and then you'll know if you were drugged.