On the outside, I appear to be a confident, independent career woman and single parent with all my shit together.
Underneath and in reality, I'm a struggling screw-up with low self-esteem and low level anxiety, and I can't tell anyone in RL.
I've put on weight and realise how tied up my self-worth is in my fatness. I hate my body right now and feel a failure and that I'll never reach a healthy weight, let alone just get back to where I was a year ago (still fat, but more confident).
I'm in a new relationship and I second guess everything and worry I'm turning into a needy selfish GF, and that he isn't into me that much, and that maybe he isn't as great as I think. My anxiety and heightened awareness mean I see red flags in everything and I can't trust my own judgement because I've been so damaged by abuse in the past. I don't want to ruin a good thing.
My XH is still being an arsehole and I'll never be free of him as we have DC together. I have recognised some codependancy in our previous relationship together. I can see myself repeating the same mistakes yet feel powerless to stop myself.
My job isn't going well and I can't admit it.
My DC is challenging, has ADHD and problems at school that aren't getting better.
I'm LC with family members due to past abuse and ongoing issues.
My life is like a car crash in slow motion. I'm just watching from the sidelines, only I need to take control but I can't properly control my thoughts, anxiety, feelings, etc.
Why can't I just let myself be happy? I'm quite tearful writing this.
I think I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed today. I wish I felt on top of things.