How do I make sex good for him?

[namechangeragain1]

Sorry I have tried to post in Sex. I have a new partner - slept together maybe 10 times. He has never ejaculated - he gets hard for a while and I think it's going to happen but then it just stops.

What can I do to make it good for him? I hate oral - what else can I do?

Thank you recall yes I find it awkward

Do you message each other much on WhatsApp or similar ?

I'd say porn and death grip is the problem here op.
Last thing he needs is more porn.

OP hasn’t said there is any porn involved

I really wouldn’t just presume it’s porn/death grip...it can be insecurity and lack of confidence, especially if in a previous break-up his ex was scornful of his sexual capabilities. It can also be a way that some men reassure themselves (naively) about contraception. It can be medical, phimosis causes a reduction in sensation sometimes which could then make him insecure...lots of vicious circles.
Try not to feel like you are at fault, talk to him if at all possible (and if not, think about why it’s not possible to talk to this person you purport to love), remember- he likes you!

finish with both hands,,,

OP as you've stated you don't like giving him oral, I'd chuck this one back into the dating pond. There are many, many people who can't orgasm through PIV sex.

I couldn't be with anyone who didn't want my fanjo near their face.

Have you tried wanking him after sex ? Plenty lube ..

DH has this issue, in his case it is loss of sensitivity through damage from a medical circumcision.
The advantage is he can last ages and our sex life is fantastic. The downside was TTC.
We found a way through and 90% of the time now he can finish-even if he finishes himself. I’m pg at 41 so anything is possible.

Making too much of it doesn’t help, in our case it made it worse. But it helped when I understood it wasn’t me, it wasn’t psychological, it was just a physical issue.

I think it's important to remember that sex is a joint activity OP. It's not for you as a woman to 'make it good' for him, nor are you responsible for his feelings. Clearly there is an issue, if he's like this with you I'm sure it's not a new thing for him. He needs to take a share of the discussion and be open about why that's not happening and if it's an issue he has.

What is he doing to make it good for you and mind your feelings? This situation doesn't sound very fun tbh and he'd rather keep quiet out of embarrassment than start a conversation, or disclose an existing issue he may have even though he must know this is likely to make you feel not up to par in some way. I would be careful OP; he's not more important than you and if you find your self esteem is dipping or you're prioritising him then arguably that's not ideal.

I wouldn't even really want to sleep with someone who wasn't mature enough to discuss sex openly, it doesn't seem like a good omen for a relationship or for ones sex life long term!

I agree with dontgobacon.

Could be a porn addiction? My ex had a similar problem and it was because he was a porn addict.

Is he on anti-depressant? DH was when we got together and our first few times he couldn't finish. We tried lots of different positions, role play, fantasies which helped and was loads of fun!

Another vote here for death grip. I sincerely hope you have better luck than I did with my ex. He was an otherwise healthy man in his 20s but by the end of our relationship he was watching porn for hours a day, he couldn’t ejaculate with me at all (not even through masturbating himself) and we were barely having any sex. It is a massive problem among today’s men.

(I should add that the lack of sex - about twice a year by the end - was because he preferred porn to an actual living woman who wanted to have sex with him. I almost feel sorry for him writing that!)

He’s got a problem & it’s not yours to solve. Porn addiction can cause this issue - effectively desensitising someone who watches too much, that could be it. Or he’s got a physical or emotional problem he’s too embarrassed to share. If he’s attracted to you & you aren’t just lying there like a sack of potatoes then it’s more than likely one of the above.

Also tbh if you’re having sex with someone you can’t have a conversation about sex with then you should probably ask yourself if you should be having sex with them at all.

If you can bring yourself to have a conversation with him then maybe start with ‘I’m worried that you haven’t finished when we have sex - is it that you aren’t attracted to me enough?’. If he’s a decent man then he should be concerned he’s made you feel that way & reassure you with an honest answer (no...the problem is xyz..) - if he says he isn’t attracted then you walk away. If you can handle overcoming any other issue then at least you’ve started the conversation. Personally I’d be out the door if I encountered that problem with a man so early in a relationship..it doesn’t bode well.

Did you manage to chat with him @namechangeragain1 ? It's not easy is it as there's the worry they'll think you are criticising their manliness and ability to satisfy you. I was so upset the first time I slept with my ex as he didn't finish and I felt it must be my fault as I'd never experienced that before. It took him months to admit the medication he was taking was causing problems. But there was the porn use too and death grip. Hated condoms as they dulled the sensation. Couldn't orgasm in certain positions or in the dark. Whenever I tried to talk about things he got really upset and said it wasn't an issue and my pleasure was his pleasure but I felt I wasn't satisfying him and I started to dread sex. We weren't sexually compatible but for him it was the best sex he'd ever had so he said the problem was mine I'd never put up with that again. I hope you have better luck with your partner!