How do I make sex good for him?

[namechangeragain1]

Sorry I have tried to post in Sex. I have a new partner - slept together maybe 10 times. He has never ejaculated - he gets hard for a while and I think it's going to happen but then it just stops.

What can I do to make it good for him? I hate oral - what else can I do?

well, presumably hes noticed, and hes noticed youve noticed...have you really not said a word about it?

As your having foreplay faster asking what turns him on ... what positions does he like ... does he like dirty talk or role play etc and then out of the bits you get from him
Try and implement it ( the bits that don’t turn you off or sound ok to you at least )

Just keep asking until you get a few answers while teasing him ... eventually you should get some ideas / maybe get a few toys to assist?

Not sure how the word faster got into the first line ...

Why is it up to the woman? He needs to see a medical doctor to assess the situation properly.

Is he on antidepressants. They can cause this issue

"Why is it up to the woman?"

Ummm it's not up to the woman, but she is one half of the relationship, she clearly wants to sort this herself. 2 to tango and all that

Yes I want to know what I can do. Obviously it is medical then he needs to sort that but I just need some advice first.

@roseyflowers

It isn’t up to the woman, but surely the reason we perform sex acts on other people is because we want them to experience physical pleasure, otherwise we’d just have a wank.

OP not ejaculating doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying himself, however, if him ejaculating is something you want to explore more have you thought about some g-spot action?

After you finish having sex, have you tried continuing with the stimulation by hand or does it just stop?

I've thought about that line but then feel like it's up to me to stop at some point if it's not working whereas otherwise it's up to him. I don't want it to be awkward

You need to talk to him! What does he say when it happens? Is he surprised? Has it happened to him before? There could be any number of reasons, and we don’t know!

Have you actually had a conversation about specific things you like? Not an intense looking at each other and seriously talking but a sexy, teasing “ God I love dirty talk” “ I love having my hair pulled” kind of banter. This might be good to do over drinks if you feel awkward about it. And if porn, or toys or dressing up is what works for both of you ( irrespective of anyone else’s views on the matter) then you should feel ok about experimenting and having a laugh with it. It doesn’t have to be this intense “ I must make him cum at all costs” event because I imagine that’s counter productive.

why wouldn't you have a conversation about the obvious: why he doesnt come?

this is bewildering to me.

Death grip?

Sounds like a death grip situation. You need to talk about it. There is a good sex blog piece about this which I shared when I had this issue and he found it helpful. We managed to overcome it by talking about it and him taking the advice in the blog.

Is the sex good for you?

www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/09/18/32529858/another-sufferer-of-death-grip-syndrome

@namechangeragain1 I believe you should try new things. See what takes his fancy. And some may not go his way. Some may. And you never know...one could do the trick

Wow, some women really will do anything - contort themselves, prostrate themselves, get him to watch other women, etc etc, rather than simply asking a guy what's going on, won't they?

Staggering stuff.

Contort themselves ??

yeah- 'i'll do anything to make him come - but i wont have a conversation.'

I went out with a guy like this. It was a combination of death grip, obesity and anti-depressants. He wouldn't do anything about any of those things though. It got old very quickly and I started to dread sex. He said it didn't bother him, but it bothered me and him dismissing my feelings made things worse. Bloody awful having someone slaving away for ages over you or under you and you'd had enough a long time ago and are now numb yet sore with no sign of him coming. I don't miss those days. I had two blokes with this issue and strangely enough they were both obese, both porn wankers and both didn't see it as an issue.

Talk to him. If he refuses to acknowledge or do anything about it then I wouldn't invest further.

Thanks - some of these replies are very helpful

Death grip is a huge issue, btw. I used to be a sex counsellor, and the number of times it had a physiological and psychological impact on men (and their partners) was enough for me to consider it a pervasive problem.

I guess some people find talking about it awkward

I had this with my ex. He was addicted to porn so normal sex wasn’t enough for him.
He would need to bring porn-scenarios into our sex life, would watch prom on his phone while we were having sex.........
I’m glad to say I’m no longer with him.