Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you take this comment?

54 replies

Dieu · 22/04/2019 01:12

I suspect this is very trivial, but I'm a bit Hmm at a comment made by a friend. I felt it was a bit rude, but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.
The friend - well, I use the term a bit loosely - is a guy I went on a couple of dates with, but I decided I wasn't interested in him romantically. Regardless, he seems keen to keep in touch as friends and messages me most days. I'm happy enough to go along with this, as he's a nice, intelligent and interesting person.
I am rather overweight, as I love food and overeat a bit Blush
I wished him a Happy Easter today, and he asked if I'd eaten lots of chocolate. I said yes, and he replied 'same as every other day then'.
Would you be a bit Confused by this? I am normally very good at taking responsibility, but this seems a bit presumptuous and rude from someone I don't know well at all.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 22/04/2019 04:09

Beware of those who try to disguise cruelty as humor.

Decormad38 · 22/04/2019 04:19

So he wanted to go out with you. You rejected him. He’s still messaging you daily. Now he’s being rude. I would say this is odd behaviour for a bloke that’s been turned down to still message daily. I would sack him off. He’s either going to turn a bit nasty when his denial turns to reality or he’s a tit.

LizzieSiddal · 22/04/2019 07:57

I’d say this to my
Dd as she eats chocolate every single day. I wouldn’t mean anything by it other than “you eat chocolate everyday”.

However if you think he meant it as a nasty dig about your weight, then bin him. But I don’t see how you can know that by a text so maybe you’re being a bit over sensitive.

PookieDo · 22/04/2019 08:02

I would say this about myself but never a friend. Even in sarcasm it’s mean

NorthernRunner · 22/04/2019 08:07

To be honest it just makes me think he is desperate for your attention.

Despite you saying he is a nice man, I wouldn’t reply to his messages anymore. I think he still has feelings for you

iMatter · 22/04/2019 08:10

Agree with MrsDogLady about cruelty disguised as humour.

IMHO it's a sign that someone is actually a complete cunt rather than a comedian.

whitehalleve · 22/04/2019 08:27

I'd just laugh at that.

RiversDisguise · 22/04/2019 09:39

I think you are being oversensitive. If you are overweight it's because you take in too many calories, it's not chocolate per se, right?

He probably just thinks that because you are a woman, you eat mountains of choc.... as most women are wont to do, esp. in the luteal phase of their menstrual cycle.

All my boyfriends have bombarded me with chocolate... even back when I was an underweight ballerina, a looooong time ago haha

I do not see the chocolate = fat implication at all.

However, I do feel sorry for you if he keeps bombarding you with chitchat when you said you are not interested.

Wheresmyvagina · 22/04/2019 09:41

Phase him out. That's not ok.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/04/2019 09:41

I think it would depend on what type of friend he is. I have a hobby that can be quite male dominated and there’s a lot of Micky taking. It’s the sort of comment I would expect one of them to make. But if it was a friend I didn’t know too well and didn’t have that ‘banter’ with I’d be a bit Hmm about it

Wildrose19 · 22/04/2019 09:45

I don’t think that’s funny. Not sure why you are bothering anyway. He’s not a friend as you have just met him.

Musti · 22/04/2019 09:56

He didn't comment on your weight though? Lots of us eat too much chocolate, drink too much wine and make jokes about it. Lots of people who do this aren't overweight. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt tbh.

Original poster
Dieu · 22/04/2019 09:57

Thanks for all the replies, folks.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 22/04/2019 09:59

Agree with Musti. It was a joke; he didn’t say you were fat, he just implied you like chocolate a lot.

ConfCall · 22/04/2019 10:05

It was the daily messaging that struck me, rather than the ill advised joke. I think he’s hoping that you’ll change your mind about dating him. I’d stop replying, not because of the awkward joke, but because he’s clearly keen and you’re not.

InadvertentlyBrilliant · 22/04/2019 10:11

OP, if he said this in a text message then you can't tell the tone in which it was meant. It might be a nasty dig but the first thing I thought of was someone just saying it humorously. It could easily be a joke.

I would ignore it for now and not worry unless he says other things to confirm it was a nasty dig.

KittyInTheCradle · 22/04/2019 10:32

I'm inclined to say he's a very rude, unless of course you are texting him every day about how much you love chocolate, though I am assuming this is not the case!

KittyInTheCradle · 22/04/2019 10:35

I think he's a little bitter

CupcakeDrama · 22/04/2019 11:41

wouldnt bother me and i am overweight. too sensitive imo

turnitdownanotch · 22/04/2019 11:59

I'm not overweight, but this is exactly the type of comment a few of my male/female friends would make about me and they'd be right. It wouldn't bother me. In fact, I'd be surprised if I didn't get a reply like that Grin

booboo24 · 22/04/2019 12:33

I'm going against the grain here, I can't see anything wrong, you've said you're over weight as you tend to overeat and you love your food, so I assume you've made remarks like this to him, so I would say he"s just stating the obvious and having a laugh with you (not at you), i wouldn't take offense at all.

planesinthesky · 22/04/2019 12:40

Why does everyone think he’s making a joke about OP’s weight? I eat a LOT of chocolate, but I’m not overweight. Assuming OP is also a chocolate lover, then I would think he was making a joke about that, not her weight.

MaiaRindell · 22/04/2019 12:45

That would hurt my feelings too but I doubt that was his intention. I suspect he is trying to be familiar in a flirty way.

booboo24 · 22/04/2019 12:54

I agree with those saying it's about the chocolate not you're weight. I get comments like this all the time from my friends, my fiance, my co workers etc. I'm not overweight but boy can I eat! i love food!

claraschu · 22/04/2019 13:06

He obviously thinks you are attractive, and it may not have occurred to him that you perceive yourself as overweight...

Do you love chocolate and have you ever mentioned that to him, or mentioned eating too much chocolate?

He might be unaware that this comes across as a dig at your size (which he might think is just perfect).

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.