SIL told MIL about my pregnancy.

[WellThatsJustFab]

DH and I are expecting DC3 due later this year. For a variety of reasons ranging from I simply want to keep this pregnancy between he and I for as long as possible, to wanting to wait until the ‘all clear’ after the 20 week scan to just generally not being ready for our families to know that we’re expanding again - we’ve not ‘announced’ to anyone yet.

SIL took me to a hospital appt the other week.. I’d broken my leg, was in a cast and needed a lift to a follow up consultation appointment on how it was healing. During the appt, the consultant mentioned my pregnancy and said I’d need blood thinners, SIL was in the room and as a result, learnt about our pregnancy. I apologised to her for the way in which she’d had to find out, then asked her to please keep it to herself as we wasnt ready for people to know yet, she said she completely understood and also stated, in her own words, that she thinks her brother should be the one to tell their mum and even asked ME not to tell MIL before he did!

Today however, I’ve discovered SIL told MIL almost instantly. I’m fuming. She knew how I felt about not being ready and knew that if it wasn’t for her accidentally finding out a few weeks prior, she’d also still be in the dark too! DH is pissed with her, understandably, but won’t say anything to her about her sharing our news when it wasn’t her place to.

AIBU to think she was massively out of line here? This is MY pregnancy, this is OUR news. Surely families being told about our newest addition should come from either me or my DH when WE feel we are ready to talk about it?

I’ve sent her a message to let her know that I know that she’s blabbed, and that I’m not best pleased about it. I don’t know what kind of reply I’m expecting or if she’ll even realise that she shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just peeved and wish people could acknowledge when it’s not their place to share news about something that’s nothing to do with them

Any morning crowd around to lend a shoulder/tell me if I'm BU?

I’d be annoyed too; I don’t understand why she made a point about your DH telling their mum then told. I’d be telling her that you no longer trust her.

Hmm I’d not be pleased, at all, but what can you do now? You just know not to trust her with anything in the future. I would visit MIL with DH sooner rather than later and explain why you didn’t say sooner but don’t apologise, your reasons are your own.

I’d be furious too, it’s not sil news. Why won’t dh say anything to her?

She found out and should have kept quiet but I wouldn’t be able to hold telling her mum against her. It’s pretty big family news despite it being your pregnancy. I’m sure you have your reasons for all the secrecy but there’d be no need for it in my family so I find it hard to understand why you’d hide till beyond 20 weeks from your own (in DHs case) mum. Unless they are all dickheads? Are they dickheads?

I don't think you can reasonably expec t SiL not to talk about something like this to her own mothet, particularly if they are close.
It's not as if you are only a few weeks pregnant either, it sounds as if you you are not far off 20 weeks? Apologies if I've read this wrong.
Are you in USA? I think the timings might be dealt with differently there - here in UK most people would announce after 12 weeks. At 16 weeks, wouldn't you be showing anyway, th us giving rise to gossip?
That's not to say that SiL was right, she's found out by accident and you asked her not to say anything yet. But she's someone you clearly rely on to help- if things did go wrong, she's probably someone you'd be asking to help with your DC/ transport to hospital. So although it's disappointing that she's told your MiL without your permission, I think your reaction is a bit strong.

You should direct your worry to the fact that you have a cast on your leg and you’re pregnant, therefore at risk of a dvt.

SIL has form for blurting everything to MIL, but I guess I (somewhat foolishly) assumed this would be different as it's not idle gossip to be simply thrown around with no regards for how DH and I would feel about it.

DH won't say anything to her as he doesn't want to 'disturb the peace'. There have be several instances over the years where MIL and SIL have done things that have upset me but he won't bring it up with them because he likes to try and avoid further conflict and escalating arguments.

@Happyspud we just want to enjoy our last pregnancy between the pair of us for as long as we can before involving others. As soon as family know, every conversation swings towards the pregnancy, people ask how you think you're going to cope with a third baby, go back to making jokes about sleepless nights and lack of 'one on one' time, they ask if you can afford it, they comment on how hard it's going to be, etc - we just cant be arsed with all that this time round. Its really nothing to do with anyone other than DH and I, so I don't feel bad about us not shouting about it from the rooftops instantly.
We're happy with it being 'our thing' for the time being and plan to tell families in due time, SIL knew this and has now ruined that for us.

In my experience, once someone else has information, it is out of your control. Asking someone not to say anything rarely ever actually works. General rule of thumb, the bigger the information, the less likely it is to be kept under wraps.

I would be annoyed, but not surprised.

No I'm in the uk. 20 weeks pregnant currently awaiting anomaly scan next week.. still not showing.

The cast was removed two weeks ago, was only in plaster for two weeks anyway so no worries there at all. I'm getting around just fine.

I get that it was probably naive of me to think she'd keep it to herself, but why on earth she made the comment about not wanting me to tell MIL so that her brother could do it and then just took it upon herself to do it, is beyond me.

What an absolute cow!! Has she replied yet? She's BOUND to say it was an accident - needless to say it was more gossip orientated 🤬

I remember a few months back I (stupidly) confided in her and opened up about something really personal, only to later discover she'd shown MIL our entire conversation. Bottom line is, I really can't trust her, but truly thought she'd have the decency to respect mine and her brothers wishes in keeping tight lipped until we announced things ourselves.

I don't think you can reasonably expect SiL not to talk about something like this to her own mothet, particularly if they are close.

Don't agree with this at all! Yanbu, op, your sil was totally out of order. It wasn't her news to tell and presumably she's not a little girl who has to run to her mummy at every toss and turn?
Sadly there's not a lot you can do now other than resolve never to trust her again!

Everyone's different so if it's important to you, then you obviously have a right to feel aggrieved.

Could you refuse to discuss it until you are ready?

Btw, the consultant should not have mentioned your pregnancy in front of someone else - that's a professional confidentiality issue.

I’m pretty sure if someone is accompanying a patient to a medical appointment, and is actually in the room during the consultation, the consultant is reasonable in assuming the patient is happy for any and all discussions to take place in front of the accompanying person.

Why you’d take a known blabbermouth into a medical appointment for even so much as an ingrown toenail is beyond me.

Anyway, lesson learned (for the second time) she can’t be trusted.

I would be highly pissed off. YANBU.

Well now you can back away guilt free. She isn't a nice person. Sil or not she isn't your friend.
Tell dh he can deal with her.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Definitely out of line. Good on you for calling her out about it

I'd let her know she's broken your trust and consequently will be the last to be told when baby is born as she has form for sharing news that isn't hers to tell.

She was wrong gone say anything but maybe it slipped out.

It's a third pregnancy, will they really chat that much about it?

Look having a known blabber mouth in the same room as someone dispensing medical support, wasn’t your greatest moment. She shouldn’t have said anything but she did, don’t waste your energies getting mad over your MIL knowing a few days earlier about your pregnancy.