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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crap Easter already.

43 replies

H4ppyeaster · 21/04/2019 07:31

Having a crap Easter. Woke at 5am because of heat, DH wasn’t in bed so I thought he ended must’ve got up earlier and put the heating on. Went downstairs to turn the thermostat down and found DH asleep on the sofa with an electric heater switched on. I switched it off, woke DH and we went up to bed.
I ended up tossing and turning, couldn’t get back to sleep because the heater being left on for hours when DH is asleep terrifies me, we have terrible electrics in this house and I’m scared there will be a fire. (I have asked him/begged him several times before to just use the main heating and not the electric one at night because of my fear).
Decided to just get up and start the day, DH asked what I was doing and I said I’m waking up, can’t sleep now, too anxious about the heater.

DH then told be to go to sleep and when I said no he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back while grabbing onto one of my arms. He then said “fine, do what you want “ so I went downstairs.

I have a sore neck, headache and just feeling crap. Keep thinking it’s my fault the day has started like this, I shouldn’t have mentioned being anxious about the heater, especially when he wasn’t fully awake.

Not asking anything, just feeling shit and need to let it out so I can get myself together and turn this day into a good one.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyID · 21/04/2019 07:36

Oh no. Hopefully he'll wake up in a better mood, but obviously there's no excuse for his behaviour. And this absolutely isn't your fault. No real advice except i'd be getting rid of that heater the next time he leaves the house. (I'd do it when he was out so I wouldn't have to have an argument about it). If you think it's dangerous, then get rid. C

Brashtweedyimpertinence · 21/04/2019 07:39

I think you should get rid of your physically abusive husband.

Contact Women's Aid for advice on how to do it safely.

Easter is about new beginnings. I hope this comes to ring true for you.

Fonduefrolics · 21/04/2019 07:41

Hope your day gets better OP. It hasn’t got off to a nice start.

The way you describe your husband pulling your hair like that and grabbing your arm is quite chilling. That’s not acceptable on Easter Sunday or any other day of the year. Don’t be guilted into thinking this is your fault. Your husband is the problem.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2019 07:42

Forget the heater or sodding Easter, your husband just assaulted you. Spend the bank holiday making plans to leave

BillywilliamV · 21/04/2019 07:43

He grabbed your hair! and you are worried about the heater?
You are in an abusive relationship, does he do this kind of thing often? Though once should be enough. Nice (normal) men don’t pull their partners by the hair, you do know that don’t you?

Isohungy · 21/04/2019 07:45

This is absolutley NOT normal. Your electrics sound safer than your husband.

Shoxfordian · 21/04/2019 07:45

He shouldn't be grabbing at you obviously but you do seem a bit overly anxious about the heater

PositiveVibez · 21/04/2019 07:48

He pulled your hair and grabbed you. Fuck that for a game of soldiers! That's shocking. I do hope your day gets better, but I'd that is usual behaviour for you husband, he'd be out the door!

PositiveVibez · 21/04/2019 07:49

He shouldn't be grabbing at you obviously but you do seem a bit overly anxious about the heater

Lovely bit of victims blaming there.

JenniferJareau · 21/04/2019 07:50

Your husband assaulted you. That is not acceptable behaviour. Does he act like this often?

RickOShay · 21/04/2019 07:53

Are you ok op?
What happened was not your fault in any way. Your anxiety or not being able to sleep does NOT mean that your husband is justified in pulling your hair and hurting you.
He is abusive. What is your situation? Do you have children?
Good friends or family?
Flowers

MoviesT · 21/04/2019 07:54

Him pulling your hair violently is an assault - you don’t have to minimise it or believe that you are at fault here. If it’s all as you describe, your actions were reasonable - his are not. You have every right to call the police on him. Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? You can make the changes although I appreciate it might be really hard for you to do that.

Bodear · 21/04/2019 07:55

OP, that’s not ok. Your husband assaulted you.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 21/04/2019 07:55

what?!? Your husband assaulted you. Call the police.

All the other stuff is irrelevant.

RickOShay · 21/04/2019 07:58

I agree it is assault.

QuickQuestion2019 · 21/04/2019 08:02

@ThisIsMyID why on earth should OP tiptoe around an abuser?? Are you on glue?

Op please go somewhere safe. This was assault. Do you have children?

bethy15 · 21/04/2019 08:12

He shouldn't be grabbing at you obviously but you do seem a bit overly anxious about the heater

Actually, she's not. Those kind of things frequently catch fire and are really dangerous to be left with nobody to watch them. The OP is completely in the right over the heater.

However, that shouldn't matter, it shouldn't matter if she was anxious about the fridge being on overnight, her husband just physically assaulted her.

OP is this the first time? Is he verbally abusive? You seem quick to blame yourself and say you shouldn't have mentioned it, it seems that you know you shouldn't say anything to him that may cause this kind of reaction.

1moreRep · 21/04/2019 08:15

op the physical violence is not acceptable. you deserve to be safe, loved and happy- your anxiety is probably due to his behaviour- if he is physically abusive he is probably emotionally abusive too

ThisIsMyID · 21/04/2019 08:40

@QuickQuestion2019 - don't make your own assumptions over what I'm feeling or saying. If I'd been assaulted yesterday, obviously I'd be making an escape plan, but I certainly wouldn't be finding ways to anger him the next morning. There are always scores of people writing LTB. And I certainly hope she will.

My huge fear is house fires and if I had a dangerous electrical item, I'd have cut the cable already. There's room for all kinds of advice here - that's the beauty of Mumsnet. To ask if someone is 'on glue' because they didn't formulate the exact same reply that you would have is bullying and not at all in the spirit of this forum.

Raspberrytruffle · 21/04/2019 08:47

Oh OP this is not normal! You were assaulted by this bully of a man, his reaction is extreme. Please protect your self from anymore violence, call the police and get rid of him Flowers

Original poster
H4ppyeaster · 21/04/2019 09:12

I’m ok now, feel a bit better.

I know he shouldn’t do it but I also do know I always seem to say the wrong things to people/rub them up the wrong way so I can’t help but feel that it’s me that’s the problem. No idea why I just can’t keep my mouth shut sometimes.

I’ll see about getting rid of the heater.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 21/04/2019 09:14

It’s not you sweetheart. You do not have the problem, your husband does.
When you say you rub other people up the wrong way, who do you mean?

dingdongthosebells · 21/04/2019 09:16

Oh lovely, he's done a real number on you.did he tell you that you rub people up the wrong way? This is not your fault!! As your partner, the least he can do is try and be understanding about your anxiety. I hope you're ok xx

ThisIsMyID · 21/04/2019 09:17

Him hurting you is not ok. And not your fault. Re rubbing people up the wrong way - this is their problem. Not yours. Maybe you just haven't found your people yet?

GertrudeCB · 21/04/2019 09:18

@H4ppyeaster, it's not your fault, making you doubt yourself is part of the abusers script ( been there , got the t-shirt).
Will you be safe when he gets up?