Just totally screwed up my relationship with dp - please tell me I've done the right thing

[LikeACatInABag]

Name changed for this.

Have been seeing dp for almost a year. He's been the ideal boyfriend apart from the fact that he's hugely unreliable - so he will make dates then back out of them etc. This week is my birthday - he has known the date for ages but told me last week he couldn't come out as a friend of his had booked his stag do that night. He said he would see me the night before.

I asked him yesterday whether we could confirm plans and he didn't respond and just chatted about other things.

I asked him again today and he said he would have to wait and see what was going on :( and he could confirm tomorrow.

I just flipped out and said something had changed between us (I sent a long message, I know this is always a mistake but I was upset). Rather than reacting in a nice way he has just told me I'm obviously mad. I am pre menstrual and feeling a bit weepy.

I'm not wrong am I? He should be making more of an effort? I'm really not mad but very sensitive to being called that as my family have an enormous amount of mental health problems (he doesn't know this) so it's a touchy subject for me.

You’re not mad. He’s a wanker. It’s that simple.

Hugely unreliable does not make an ideal bf.

He doesn’t seem sorry to be letting you down on your birthday either and sounds selfish.

If it’s like this now, during what should be the ‘honeymoon period’ of your relationship, imagine what he’ll be like down the line!!

You can do better then this.

He's not your DP. It doesn't even sound like he considers himself to be your boyfriend. I would just cut my losses now.

He's an arse and doesn't deserve you. Dump him.

Thank you so much - I just need to hear this now. I know you are right and I know I am right to cut my losses but the way he has come back and basically implied I am the issue here has really got to me for some reason

He doesn’t sound anything like the ideal boyfriend. What is his reason for not seeing you the night before your birthday?

I am convinced he has been seeing someone else - he tells me I am paranoid and jealous - but tbh he is online half the night and I don't think it's talking to his friends!

'Wait and see what's going on'

That's him saying if he gets a better offer he is taking it and sod your plans. Fuck him off. He's a dick.

wildrose there are no reasons, he just said he could only confirm tomorrow. He often confirms seeing his kids at the last minute but the suspicious person in me thinks he's just waiting to see what better offers he has

Exactly prequelle. That's what I think. Thanks for confirming - he has made me feel I was mad but just reading everyone's messages is making me realise it isn't me!

Never make someone a priority when you are only an option to him. There's nothing ideal about him, you're there at his convenience. He's not into you. You'll do for now. He's not bothered. Get rid.

been the ideal boyfriend apart from the fact that he's hugely unreliable

Does not compute

Look up gaslighting OP, and walk away from this jerk. You deserve better. Happy Birthday!

He isnt good enough for you, you can do a lot better! You deserve someone who is nice to you.

I'm 12 months in last week, and I'm taking my girlfriend away for the weekend next weekend. I planned it back in January and put it ahead of everything else. I'm a single Dad and work 50-60 hours a week.

While not always my #1 priority (DD > work), it's hugely important for me to make her feel special, well, because she is!

Not trying to brag, I'm pretty anonymous. I just want you to understand that your BF is no DP and his unreliability with no major justification is total shit, and I think it will only get worse for you .

You can do way better.

He sounds charming. You've done the right thing.

Well rid OP, no one "waits and sees " when its there DP's Birthday ... You make space no matter what and i would be going to my boyfriends birthday rather than some stag do or at least making it up to him by getting some plans on the way.

Why on earth do you think he's the ideal bf? Jesus woman get some self esteem - he's a shit. Don't be content just to get the odd little titbit from him.

Find someone worthy of your time and effort.

Thanks all. Honestly reading your posts has made me feel a lot better.

Weirdly in real life I'm hugely confident - but his behaviour has made me feel insecure. I've looked up gaslighting thank you and I do see some traits here. I never realised it was a thing but I can completely understand it.

“What’s going on is my birthday. And I’m doing myself a favour and making a new start. Bye, have a nice life”.... and block.

Once you have to beg for attention, for someone who is supposed to care to confirm your birthday celebration, you are scraping the bottom. Take control, get rid.

Rather than reacting in a nice way he has just told me I'm obviously mad.

This is what cunts do when women won't just put up with their shit with a smile. It's a negging, BS tactic used by narcissistic wankers like your twunt boyfriend.

You are NOT mad. He is for treating you this way. Regardless of saying this being sensitive for you in particular, it's not an ok thing to say someone at all, ever. Really, make your birthday a new start and tell him it's over. You do deserve much better. It is entirely his loss.

but his behaviour has made me feel insecure.

Because he thinks he's so special and God's gift to women that they should plan their lives round his flakiness.

You're confident, so be confident enough to go with Incey's message and block.

Because he truly doesn't give a shit about you.

“Yeah, mad to have put up with your unreliable arse for the last year”. He is rude rude rude. Get rid.

You think he's a cheat, or at least gearing up to it/keeping his options open. And you know he's unreliable.

What exactly is ideal about him??