To ask you to help me understand possible abuse?

[littledarkage]

And why can't I move on?

My 5.5. Yr relationship ended about a year ago. But for a year or so he has been trying to 'win me back' but I'm just so confused. I don't understand and upon looking back I realise it really wasn't a good relationship. So why do I feel so obliged to see him or hear him out?

Some key things from our past:
He pinned me to the floor by my neck
Called me cunt about 100 times
Threatened to kill one of my pets
Called me names endlessly
If I tried to stand up for myself he would say 'stop playing the victim'
When I finally (after nearly 20 yrs) built up the courage to get help for my mental health, he went nuts and screamed at me that he can't bear the sight of me.

They're were obviously some good times too. But why on earth does he want me back???

Anyway, I finally blocked him a month or so ago and he has been relentlessly trying to contact me in any way he can, pleading that he is so worried about me.

Please can someone assure me I've done ive right thing? I know it sounds silly and pathetic but he has been my first everything so I don't know anything else.

I forgot quite a big one - complete lack of affection, as in actually recoiled when I tried to kiss him.

Ask yourself what would you tell another woman if she told you her partner:

He pinned me to the floor by my neck
Called me cunt about 100 times
Threatened to kill one of my pets
Called me names endlessly
If I tried to stand up for myself he would say 'stop playing the victim'
When I finally (after nearly 20 yrs) built up the courage to get help for my mental health, he went nuts and screamed at me that he can't bear the sight of me.

You did the right thing.

Hi OP - we're going to move this one over to relationships

OP, you were very brave and did the right thing in leaving and blocking him. From what you have written in your post it was very bad abuse Please stay strong and don’t give in.

And please don’t wonder about his reasons for wanting you back, it will be for his benefit not yours. He wants someone to control.

All the best!

Hi love. Sorry you have been through all this. I didn’t read it all because I don’t want triggering, so forgive me if I’m not saying what you need to hear.
The most healing thing I have done( including meditation, therapy, mindfulness) is a thing called T R E, which I think stands for trauma release exercises.
It’s on YouTube, but if you feel fragile I would find a local practitioner. It’s really easy to learn and it’s one of the few things I feel motivated to do at home on my own time. I usually have zero self motivation.

Know in your heart that no fault is yours, and that you can move on x

Thank you so much for the replies so far, really appreciated.

I don't know why I doubt myself.

From your post you have done the right thing. Someone being that violent and cruel is not someone you should go back to.

In this last year have you been stronger and happier?

It is so much easier to give advice than follow your own! Believe in yourself

Sorry to hear what you've been through. If you want a more in-depth understanding of abuse there is a course called the freedom programme, there is a book about it called livng with the dominator, its free if you have be kindle unlimited.

But why on earth does he want me back???

Why do you care? Stop trying to understand him. You never will, but trying to risks you being drawn back in. Just stay as far away from him as you possibly can. Do not speak to him or engage with him in any way, no matter what he says. You've escaped from him and that is truly awesome, please don't give him any chance to draw you back in. If needs be, report his harrassment to the police. You may baulk at that but he sounds like an incredibly dangerous man and when playing mr nice guy fails to get you back under his control he will almost certainly try other strategies.