Think OH has cheated again & won't tell me this time

[easterbluess]

My partner cheated on me last year. Because we have several kids together I didn't just walk away, but I told him it really hurt and I wouldn't ever be able to forgive him again. All trust is gone now anyway.
Last night he went out drinking and I've got the biggest gut feeling he has cheated again. Last time he cheated he couldn't look me in the eye for a week until he told me. Again, last night he came in, didn't look me in the eye at all and said 'I'll sleep on the sofa'. He kept his jeans on all night with his phone and his wallet kept in his pockets. He never, ever does this. He also said in his sleep earlier 'we can't get into a comfortable position with people walking past', whatever that means! I'm so upset because I just know in my heart he has done something :( I can read him like a book. I guessed the first time and he finally caved in and confessed after a week of lies and distance.
I'm writing this because I want to ask what is the best way to approach him to ask for his honesty? Do I sound like I'm overreacting? If he has done it again obviously I am done for good.

Don't ask. Tell.

"You're binned. Pack your things and fuck off."

You don’t need proof. Not trusting him is enough.

I agree with @PicsInRed. Tell him you know and tell him to leave. You need time and space and he needs a consequence. You gave him another chance and he blew it. Don’t be his fool.

Pics nailed it with the first comment. He won't change. This is the rest of your life unless you leave him.

Oh get rid of this sack of shit OP

All trust is gone now anyway.

He doesn’t need to confess but you do need to accept that whatever you hoped to get back to by staying, isn’t going to happen.

Why does doing it twice make it any worse. Once is enough.

By forgiving the first offence he took it as a green light to repeat. Only ltb will change things.
Get sti tested.

Why ask if you have no intention of leaving him. Nothing you've said indicates him cheating again would be a dealbreaker.

I haven't excused the first time at all. I did say in my post that if he has done it again then I'm done and I will walk away for good.

Urgh what a dick. You’ll be so much better off without him, get rid and be free!

Kick the disrespectful shit out

Sorry op... I think you know what's going on.... I would sit with him give him a hug and say all the best... I need you to take your things out and plan how are we doing with the kids. Be calm. And just set him free. He isn't the right one for you. Just try to do what's best for the kids and get rid of him xxx

I don’t quite understand what you want?

You say you know in your heart he’s cheated again. You say the trust is gone.

If he denies it till he’s blue in the face you won’t believe him anyway.

If he admits it then (you say) it’s over.

Either way, it’s over.

So save yourself all the angst and just end it now.

Oh love.
Just tell him to go. How many children have you got?
Can you run the house with out him

Oh lovely, you are worth more than a lifetime of no trust and unhappiness. Show him the door and start putting yourself first

I get because you have children together it’s not as easy as telling him to go.

You haven’t failed though he has, take the time you need , build the strength you need, get your finances in order , take back power and when your ready ... tell him goodbye ... but in your time and on your terms ... he isn’t making you happy.
If he is a good dad he will always be present so a semi good terms situation is ideal, but take time and get your head around it.

So sorry he has done this but if all trust has gone anyhow ... then in many ways he has helped push you to make the next move and I hope that it ends in you being happier and more fullfield

Just take each day as it comes ... you will find the strength xx x

We have 3 children together all 5 and under. I can manage financially and physically on my own I just fear being incredibly lonely.
I have no family support network, no friends.
I think I'm more scared of being alone than I am of leaving him. I've got my wonderful children that I adore with all of my heart and love with my life but I know it will make me feel very low to be all by myself especially when they have gone to bed at night.

You're not going to be any less lonely if you stay with him.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

There's a big difference between being alone and being lonely, personally I don't think there's anything more lonely than being with someone you can't trust.

...what is the best way to approach him to ask for his honesty?

At this point I don’t think you’ll get honesty from him. He is not behaving like a remorseful man who wants to restore trust. Just the opposite. He feels entitled to cheat, come home and treat you like a stranger, just like before.

Firstly, sympathies for you OP.

Secondly, calmly sit down with a nice cup of tea with him and tell him you suspect he was unfaithful again. Even if he wasn’t, you can not tryst him and were thinking about it making yourself unhappy. That you deserve more, the children deserve more and he obviously doesn’t want the life you had together.

Staying calm and detached when dealing with him is preferable, then crying and raging in private either to friends or on MN.

Sending sympathic hugs

Do you want to live the rest if your life like this? Knowing he did it once, waiting for the next time (even if this wasn't it)? Would risking being lonely but free be worse than being lonely & trapped, & possibly catching an STI from the scumbag?

I’m so sorry OP.

We have 2.5 year old twins. If my DH ever dared go out at night, leaving me with the kids so he could have sex with someone else, he’d be out on his arse. The fact that he knows you have no family support makes it even worse - he’s supposed to be the one supporting you, they’re his children; he has no respect.

Always always trust your gut instinct op, it's rarely wrong.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you.

You forgave him last year and he repays you by doing god knows what with god knows who- he's disrespectful of you and is a selfish prick.

I agree that it's more lonely being in a relationship with someone you don't trust.
You are scared of the unknown- that is completely understandable.
You will have a different life on your own with the children but at least you will know where you stand with them.

Rather than seeing yourself as lonely, turn it around and think of all the things that you can do when the children are in bed, watch whatever you want, do what you want, dance around the living room in your knickers whatever you want-
Because YOU are in charge.

I wish you well and hope you manage to get some answers