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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband and I have a child each from a previous relationship and now he doesn’t want to have children with me

42 replies

StellaW1 · 18/04/2019 22:30

He said “I have a child you have a child we don’t need another one” , I was pregnant before he seemed happy but unfortunately I miscarried ,I m pregnant again now as he WANTED to have a child now he completely changed his mind and says he doesn’t want other children ,he’s pissed off i m bleeding a bit and we cannot have sex I m at risk of miscarriage as they couldn’t see a heartbeat .He has no empathy and threatened to leave several times before because he doesn’t want to live with my 9 year old son ..I have a feeling he doesn’t want kids in case he wants to leave . I feel angry

OP posts:
ukgift2016 · 18/04/2019 22:37

What the hell is wrong with you?

Continuing to get pregnant by a man who is verbally abusive and dislikes your son.

Rspu1384 · 18/04/2019 22:42

Sorry op but why would you want to have a child with this man?. Plus just because a man wants a child doesn’t mean you should do it. Never have a child for a man!

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 22:47

So nothing makes him happy, does it? He doesn't like your son, he wants another child, he doesn't want another child, you're bleeding and he can't have sex (poor baby!!!) Tell him to bugger off then, if he want to. Neither of you are happy.

Original poster
StellaW1 · 18/04/2019 22:55

I m very protective of my son ,I believe he’s jelous of me spending time with him which is pathetic ,DH is definitely not neglected ,I feel nothing is good enough for him and I m growing to resent him . I would like to have another child but his moodiness and childish behaviour make me feel on edge all the time .

OP posts:
poglets · 18/04/2019 23:20

Your poor 9 year old. Parent the child you have and protect him first. You shouldn't give a flying fuck your despicable husband 'doesn't want to live with your 9 year old'. Your child is non negotiable - if someone loves you then they know this.

And no, why would you have a child with a man like this? He doesn't like your child, has a broken previous relationship they created a child - does this not give you a hunch as to what his values are and where his priorities lie?

Miffed because he can't have sex with a woman potentially having a miscarriage.

He's a shit.

SandyY2K · 18/04/2019 23:22

He has no empathy and threatened to leave several times before because he doesn’t want to live with my 9 year old son

You should have shown him the door.
..I have a feeling he doesn’t want kids in case he wants to leave .

I feel angry
I would too.

MsDogLady · 19/04/2019 03:53

*Doesn’t like your son.
*No longer wants the baby you’re carrying.
*Angry that he can’t have sex because your are bleeding and at risk for miscarriage.
*No empathy.

Your son will be aware that he is unwanted by this despicable man that you brought into his life. He is treating you and both your children with utter contempt.

Protect your children and tell him to leave. He is cruelty personified and his only priority is sex. Why are you willing to settle for so little?

MsDogLady · 19/04/2019 03:54

you are

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 19/04/2019 04:34

I am very protective of my son
No, you aren’t.
If you were protective you wouldn’t expose him to this man

The first reply nailed it
What the hell is wrong with you?

Continuing to get pregnant by a man who is verbally abusive and dislikes your son.

have a word with yourself and stop making bad life choices...

category12 · 19/04/2019 08:01

Get rid of the bloke.

twig1234 · 19/04/2019 08:10

You are not protective of your Son. Your partner sounds awful and abusive. He will only get worse. I'm sorry you had a miscarriage before. Surely you deserve a partner that shows kindness to you

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2019 08:25

OP your judgement regarding this man is really poor. Really poor.

Happynow001 · 19/04/2019 09:05

@StellaW1
He has no empathy and threatened to leave several times before because he doesn’t want to live with my 9 year old son ..I have a feeling he doesn’t want kids in case he wants to leave . I feel angry

OP why on Earth are you with this person? This is no type of man to have any relationship with yourself let alone exposing your son to.

he’s pissed off i m bleeding a bit and we cannot have sex I m at risk of miscarriage as they couldn’t see a heartbeat
Is this really someone you really want in your or your child(ren)'s life in the future?

Please do find some self respect for yourself and end this "relationship" with someone who has little empathy for either yourself or your child.

Isleepinahedgefund · 19/04/2019 09:21

Goodness me take the hint and get rid! You're getting a glimpse of the truly dreadful future you and your son will have if you stay with him.

Middersweekly · 19/04/2019 10:07

How many weeks pregnant are you @OP?

This environment does not seem great for your DS. I would put the child you already have first and kick your H out. He’s continuously changing his mind about what he wants, which is manuipulative and unfair! Your worried about loosing your baby and his only concern is that he can’t have sex with you because your bleeding??!!!
That alone is utterly disgusting!

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 19/04/2019 11:35

Show him the door.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2019 11:43

This isn’t a good relationship. How long have you been together and how soon after finding out about this pregnancy did he say he didn’t want another baby?

He’s bad news. You should only be with someone who cares for you AND your son and makes your life easier.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/04/2019 13:25

Sorry OP but you said that he doesn't want to live with your son yet he wanted a baby? Why would you even put your son through that horrible scenario? I'm sorry for you that you lost your baby but I have no idea what you were thinking to want another baby with a man who has your son on tenterhooks (and believe me, he is).

I wish you well. You need to be on your own with your son (and the baby if all goes well) but cut this man out of your lives for good.

HollowTalk · 19/04/2019 13:27

Honestly, you wouldn't think marriages were voluntary arrangements from some of these threads. He's a bastard, OP. He's a bastard to you and to your son. Why are you there?

Justmuddlingalong · 19/04/2019 13:30

*He has no empathy and threatened to leave several times before because he doesn’t want to live with my 9 year old son"
Were there problems with him resenting your son, before you married him?

madcatladyforever · 19/04/2019 13:45

Sorry I agree with UKgift2016, why do you keep getting pregnant with a man who doesn't like your son? Do you think a child would magically bring you together and make you all happy?
It doesn't, unless you have a very strong relationship a child will bust up your relationship.
I'm sorry about your miscarriages but please just stop this and think about you and your son's future.

PonyPals · 19/04/2019 13:51

I don't usually bother commenting on threads like this but fucking hell what are you thinking!!??

SoupDragon · 19/04/2019 13:52

🙄

TheBouquets · 19/04/2019 15:15

What do other people in your family and friends think of this H?
More importantly, what does your DS think of this man?
Whose is the house, is it joint or yours or his, rented or bought?
This must seem like a load of questions but you have to get the right advice for your own circumstances

apacketofcrisps · 20/04/2019 01:16

Why would you want a baby with someone who doesn’t want it? Great bloody life for the baby being hated by its own dad!!! Fuck sake!