My husband and I have a child each from a previous relationship and now he doesn’t want to have children with me

[StellaW1]

He said “I have a child you have a child we don’t need another one” , I was pregnant before he seemed happy but unfortunately I miscarried ,I m pregnant again now as he WANTED to have a child now he completely changed his mind and says he doesn’t want other children ,he’s pissed off i m bleeding a bit and we cannot have sex I m at risk of miscarriage as they couldn’t see a heartbeat .He has no empathy and threatened to leave several times before because he doesn’t want to live with my 9 year old son ..I have a feeling he doesn’t want kids in case he wants to leave . I feel angry

Why are you putting this vile man before your son ?

I understand you guys point of you,I don’t disagree why on Earth i m still with him . This behaviour and feelings towards my son has come out about 5 months ago ,but he’s also been moody after the first year and a half of marriage . He has moments where
He s very loving and kind even to my son however after this last episode regarding my bleeding and possible miscarriage I feel so much resentment . I can’t think of him long term .

So your poor son has put up with this behaviour and dislike from your husband for a while - and you've only just noticed (5 months ago) and still not done anything about it?

That's awful. I can see that you're in a fix OP but your son depends on you and you are not putting him first, haven't since you met and married this twat. You've put the twat first and you're still doing it now.

Don't be surprised if later on you have to deal with some hugely resentful behaviour towards you from your son. Why is the twat still in your 'thinking'. Start thinking of your SON. He has nowhere to turn - not even to his mother.

Your update has made me cross, sorry. Your son deserves better than having this arsehole masquerading as a father in his life and I'm sorry to say but he deserves better from you, you're not putting his interests first at all.

You need to seriously re-evaluate what you are doing with your life (and more importantly what you're doing to the son you already have). Why would you want a baby with this muppet and end up tying yourself to him for years. Cut him loose.
Any self-respecting woman/mother would have had him out the door so fast his head would spin the minute he started being dismissive of their son - instead you have let your son be treated like dirt for 5 months.

Just because you "want" a baby doesn't mean you should have one. None of you sound capable/competent/responsible enough to be anywhere near a baby. Take proper care of the child you already have instead of introducing another one to the mix.

Put your som first and leave. Or ask him to.

You need to leave before your ds has serious mh issues. He is living in an abusive household. Poor kid.
You fail him if you stay.

You would be insane to have a baby with him.
Find a man who loves you both.

I understand you want another baby desperately but have one with someone who loves you and will love your son and a baby.

FGS put your poor son first and get rid of this tit!

Another pathetic woman putting her desperation for a man before her child.
As others have said what the hell are you doing?
And you want another child with him, knowing how he treats your child??

My son doesn’t understand husband doesn’t like him he seems happy to see him and try to be close to him ,I ve never put him before my child and that’s one of the
Problems to H as he thinks I m too focused on him (my son) I would give the same advice as you all given to me before I met him ,I would have never thought I would have tolerated a situation like this and I do feel stupid for this .No need to call me pathetic or accusing me of not my son first ,whoever knows me would say I’m a very dedicated mother . My choice of marrying this narcissist idiot is not something I immediately seen as a mistake ,he was very charming and loving for years ,recently he started to show his true colors .

So now OP you need to start to rebuild your life. Look after yourself. Put yourself and your son first. Make plans and get rid of H.
He has shown what he is really like now, and you need to make sure that those rose tinted Specs are broken. Don't let him charm you again.

I’m very protective of my son. No, you absolutely are not
Allowing him to live with a man who dislikes him, whilst trying to get pregnant by the same man who doesn’t want a new baby either...
What a fucking car crash.

This relationship absolutely will not last so cut your loses now.
Protect your son you have instead of being so desperate for a new baby

Is it too late to reconsider the baby? Obviously you can’t undo the marriage if you son is attached but you can at least minimise the damage.

recently he started to show his true colours

So what are you going to do ?

OP... these two statements cannot both be true, can they?
He has moments where He s very loving and kind even to my son
and
My son doesn’t understand husband doesn’t like him he seems happy to see him and try to be close to him

You are not putting your son first, you are putting yourself first. You want to avoid the pain/disruption of ending our marriage more than you want to safeguard your son's happiness. Because you tell yourself that he's happy to see your husband. You know that's now true. Your son is a child but that doesn't make him stupid.

My mum still says that she put us kids first. Different scenario but the net result was the same - I never, ever felt safe at home.

I also agree with Gregory, consider all your options because a baby with this man will tie you (but not protect you as you crave), for that child's life. Having another baby can't take priority over your existing son.

You have a very short window to fix this. Fix it.

*Your marriage

*You know that's NOT true.