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Original poster

Would you or have you dated a criminal

72 replies

Bellasorellaa · 17/04/2019 15:55

my sister is dating someone who has been in prison 5 times
i thought my choice in men was bad! but she ......well

am i judgemental or wrong?

i have met him hes actually nice and treats her good, shes an adult of 25 so i have no say so and havent said anything to her because its not my business but these are just my thoughts?

so what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 17/04/2019 17:12

I would recommend applying under Claire's law

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 17/04/2019 17:12

Yep do has a record.

Car theft and driving without a license. In a weird twist of fate, I know live in the area my dad worked in as a police officer and dp grew up. My dad actually remembers him being a trouble causer and arrested him once.

However, by the time i met dp he has been out of trouble for 15 years, since he was in his late teens. Dad thinks it's quite funny and doesnt hold it against him.

Dp was dragged up. His father was the type to get dp to go steal the car then, bring it back and his dad would sell it on.

Note he didnt risk, getting caught actually stealing it. He even got dp to break into their house in more than one occasion to claim in insurance. This was all when dp was 8-16. Dps mum wasn't around.

I actually admire dp. So does my dad. He could have easily become a career criminal.

However I do think it's different to your sisters situation.

keepingbees · 17/04/2019 17:13

It depends what they'd done, when and why. Someone who has robbed and stolen....how would you ever trust them? Every time something went missing you'd wonder. Not to mention it doesn't show a great side to their character.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/04/2019 17:18

Absolutely not. I don’t know what the inside of a prison looks like, neither do my side of thr family. I am a bit Shock that on DH’s side his cousin got put inside recently for serious drug offences. No-one talks about it, there’s a complete bury head in sand attitude.

For some people having familybor friends who have been to prison is almost normal. For some (most I hope) it’s the complete opposite. Mine and DH’s jobs both need us to be squeaky clean and we have lots of policemen in the extended family.

Slow hand clap to the poster who said they’d date a billionaire done for tax offences or money laundering. Go, you.

SteveTheSpiderPlant · 17/04/2019 17:19

@Figure8 he was involved in drugs/gangs as a young man and was sent too shoot someine else in that industry.

He was detained on an IPS or something and did 10 years came out and was no longer involved in that lifestyle.

To be honest it didn't bother me what low life dealers did to each other. He came out a different person.

It didnt work out but he never treated me ir anyone else aggressively or got into any more trouble.

managedmis · 17/04/2019 17:19

So he's a stupid criminal?

Nah

Guyliner · 17/04/2019 17:23

Lol at him being a stupid criminal. At least the OPs sister will be able to tell when he is lying.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/04/2019 17:24

I did at 16, my first boyfriend. I didn't know he was a criminal though, he used me as his alibi when he was involved with the theft of cars from the dealership he was supposed to be guarding. The police phoned me to corroborate his story (which he hadn't told me) and I told the truth - i had been doing my homework and he had been at work Grin

After he was arrested and charged, he dumped me. I dodged a bullet there, despite his dreamy eyes. I am convinced the Christmas present he 'bought' me was also stolen - a huge bottle of CKOne.

Asta19 · 17/04/2019 17:47

SteveTheSpiderPlant
I'm guessing you mean an IPP. The licences on those are very long, minimum 10 years so he would have to stay out of trouble if he doesn't want to go back to prison. They've been scrapped now but loads of people spent way more years inside than they probably needed to because of them.

Ultimately "criminals" are still people. They have families and friends like anyone else. It's very black and white to think criminal = bad, non criminal = good. The most abusive, horrible guy I ever dated had a clean criminal record. In fact, FWIW, most of the DV perps I have worked with "only" have a record for DV, nothing else. So it certainly isn't a given that someone with a criminal record will be an abusive partner.

SteveTheSpiderPlant · 17/04/2019 18:14

@Asta19 that is it yes. He was released on life time license but not sure if it was reduced in the end.

Asta19 · 17/04/2019 18:24

You can apply to have the licence revoked after 10 years if you’ve stayed out of trouble etc. It’s possible he did that.

SteveTheSpiderPlant · 17/04/2019 18:26

Yea thats a possibility. Not really in contact anymore so couldnt ask.

Nicolastuffedone · 17/04/2019 19:58

No.

HJWT · 17/04/2019 19:59

My DH has been to prison, depends on the crime really doesn't it !

fotheringhay · 17/04/2019 20:00

Not a chance!

Being single is fine and often the best option

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 17/04/2019 20:03

I'm a copper so the wrong person to answer but No I would definitely not date anyone who had been convicted and sentenced FIVE times.
I will bet he has done more than originally thought, and not been arrested/charged/convicted. Sad

I would recommend you apply to your/her local force under Clare's Law (Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme).

Good luck.

KnifeAngel · 17/04/2019 20:11

No way. My DH's goddaughter recently got in a relationship with an ex prisoner. At first he was lovely. She did something he didn't like so he beat her black and blue and her sister when she tried to stop him.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/04/2019 21:06

“Ultimately "criminals" are still people. They have families and friends like anyone else. It's very black and white to think criminal = bad, non criminal = good”

Well criminals can certainly be very personable. Good sense of humour, might have fairly nice manners, be concerned for their family etc. However I would always be thinking that their ability to lie to cover up what they were doing just goes against everything I stand for and want in a partner.

And When a member of a criminal gang gets done in I am fed up of reading “tributes” from family and friends of what a great bloke the guy was. how he loved his dog and his kids and his mum. None of that makes someone a great bloke when the rest of the time they go around robbing cars, houses, maybe aggravated burglary, threatening people, claiming benefits fraudulently, blowing up cash machines, etc etc etc.just generally ruining other people’s lives and costing the tax payer thousands upon thousands of pounds.

It’s sometimes hard when I have to listen to a child telling me about a diamond engagement ring that their dad just got their mum, and the family holiday to Florida that he’s taking them all on. Then a few months later it comes out that it’s all on the back of a very violent and terrifying crime on a totally innocent member of the public and now that child’s holiday is long forgotten and he’s visiting his dad in prison every few weeks.

So no, I don’t think much of criminals but then maybe it depends on the crime. although they do say there are no victimless crimes.

mindutopia · 17/04/2019 21:08

I have as a teenager. My bf from school was on trial for attempted murder when I met him. I was 15. As a grown up with some actual self respect, no way. I’m not single anymore but I’d drop a loser like that now faster than a hot potato.

6demandingchildren · 17/04/2019 22:00

My husband was in and out of prison in his teenage years, he was badly left down by the care system and stole to survive and for a while it was a vicious circle, but 30 years on he had not been in trouble for all that time, he is a great dad and husband he had great friends and he does do much for the community and a charity close to his heart, he does not mention his past but if asked he will talk about it. Only because many people see things in black and white.

CupcakeDrama · 17/04/2019 22:09

My ex went to prison for DV before meeting me. He was 21 at the time. Foolishly I stayed with him (he didnt tell me straight away)

DramaAlpaca · 17/04/2019 22:13

No.

SandyY2K · 17/04/2019 22:36

Definitely not if it was a violent or sexual crime.

I'm likely to find it offputting even if it wasn't one of the above tbh.

I do believe people can reform.

HellonHeels · 17/04/2019 23:16

One of my mates has been to prison for a public order offence. Nicked at a protest. I dont have a problem with that kind of offence.
Another friend was arrested but never charged, for attempted murder. He seriously assaulted his father to stop him beating his mother. Not been arrested since. Not a nice crime but his reasons are totally understandable.

SheChoseDown · 17/04/2019 23:35

I dated a guy who had been incarcerated several times.
He was extremely fun, hilarious, fantastic in bed.
But a waster. And an ex(?) criminal.
Great for a short fling. But in reality he wasn't for me.