How did you know he was gay

[Purplecurtains1]

For those whose husbands/ partners/ boyfriends are gay , when and how did you find out ?

My first EVER bf was gay and he never wanted to have sex and he liked stationery more than I did, but if he'd been my second bf I like to think I would have known.

If you're married to a man who wants sex, it must be harder to figure it out.

Even though my gay ''boyfriend'' was a long long time ago, it has made me wonder even now if a man is secretly gay. I dated somebody about 2 years ago and he didn't fancy me and had ED and I thought he was gay but hiding it from himself. He went off sex with his wife as well and they hadn't had sex for years. I don't know, I transposed that whole script on to him in my own head and even when we split up said to him ''Are you gay?'''

So, I cannot imagine the impact that having been in a ltr with a gay man must leave on a straight woman who thinks she's desired for who she is, hollistically.

Thread-watching.

I have had 2 exes who were gay:-

• No sex (might try but can tell their not into it)
• Some kissing but not as passionate.

Both these men were quite butch and probably in denial or wanting the mask of being straight, you know something is off as they love you in every other way.

What is making you think this op?

I’m not sure about my partner . Fabulous man in every way but zero interest in sex or indeed lady’s bits . Warm, kind, open, thoughtful. Adores his mother/ sisters/ nieces . Fantastic friends.. make and female . Demonstrative and affectionate . Comfortable with ohysical affection regardless of gender . Keeps me at arms length as his partner though . Observant and Complimentary about men’s faces and bodies .

A boyfriend I had in my early twenties came out to me himself. He was devastated - he loved me and knew objectively that I was attractive and thought I was beautiful and genuinely wanted it to work but knew he wasn’t attracted to me in the way he was to men.

Interestingly, in terms of sex he was the opposite to how you’re describing your partner - we had a pretty good sex life and he was very good at using his hands and mouth on me. Which I guess is because being gay doesn’t mean you find the opposite sex repulsive or unattractive; just they don’t do it for you in the way you know they “should do”.

I think you need to talk to him though. Was he any different in terms of wanting sex when it first got together? Could be gay, could be low libido or lack of experience and anxiety about sex etc. I mean, nobody would automatically assume if a woman who didn’t want a lot of sex or appear to like giving blow jobs or hand jobs that she was a lesbian. You don’t have to ask him outright if he’s gay necessarily, just that you don’t know what the obvious lack of sex means for your relationship.

No interest in sex whatsoever . No reason. I have suggested gp for tests . He won’t attend . His lack of previous is not sitting right with me . Each ended by the ladies who were according to him’ Sex mad’ . He is physically affectionate . Just little or no sex and the one or two occasions that he engaged, it was fast , awkward, he was embarrassed and had to be on top. Over in a matter of a minute or two

@Purplecurtains1, I only have one gay friend who would go near women’s bits and he’s an obstetrician! The others have in no uncertain terms made a YUK face as soon as anyone mentions vaginas or anything about the way they look.
I would also be suspicious he was in the closet if his 2 previous partners were apparently “sex mad” and binned him off. I haven’t myself had a partner come out as gay so I can’t comment from that POV. Perhaps it’s something you need to sit down and discuss with him.

That’s funny that you say that because I have caught him unawares making faces as if repulsed, when women’s bits are discussed or shown on tv or alluded to in conversation . Privately I have wondered if he is repulsed by sex as there have been occasions where he reacts in a way that demonstrated aversion and disgust

I have had two gay boyfriends. I always wondered what it was about me, that attracted them?
We are good friends nowadays...
There was passion, but like it’s been said - not quite enough/ the right way for them ?

My exh had never seen a woman's genitals until I was actually giving birth...
I once literally begged for oral sex and you would think I had asked him to lick hot tar off a road!!
He only liked sex from behind too...
Once had an incident with the police after out split and the officer asked me if he was gay....

Why are you wasting your time trying to work it out OP?. If hes no good in bed/ doesn't want to do it at all etc,then surely hes not partner material anyway.
Hes either asexual got ED or hes gay I would say.Whatever its not fair on you is it?

How long have you been with him?

I've two ex's who are now gay! First one was first ever boyfriend and we never got as far as sex so can't comment. Second one was long term, 3 years, sex was regular, he was convinced he was great in bed, lots of foreplay which bored me rigid tbh. However was desperate for anal all the time, I out it down to the fact he was not very well endowed but after he came out it had other connotations. He was very involved in my wardrobe, what and how I wore clothes, obsessed with Madonna and i had to dress like her. When we split up he was still in denial but a mutual gay friend asked me if I minded if he asked him out. I didn't but ex reacted badly at the mere thought. So lots of sex but he never seemed excited about girls bits, it was a means to an end.

Together just under a year. Reading your posts and thinking about them but trying not to overthink at the same time! He doesn’t like me wearing make up or coloured nails or false anything . His previous girlfriends have been straight up and down types .. thin, no curves or boobs to speak of . He doesn’t want anything to do with bits down there , generally .no anal either .his friends and brothers sometimes allude to him being gay .

Sounds asexual or gay.

Some hetero guys download like very slender, athletic figured women but I have to say a guy I knew (friend of a friend) at uni with an extremely thin gf turned out to be gay.

*do like

If he was super into anal, alongside everything else, I'd def have pegged him (no pun intended) as gay.

I once literally begged for oral sex and you would think I had asked him to lick hot tar off a road!!

Can I steal that line, it's brilliant

*No interest in sex whatsoever . No reason."

Seriously, unless you are the same, what's the point of being in a relationship with him? It doesn't really matter what his deal is.

Morality you can indeed!!

Anyone else have this experience or family or friends who did. My spider senses are in overdrive

HOw about saying to him that you notice you aren't left feeling as desired as you usually feel in a relationship. See what he says.

at The beginning when we were texting etc I told him that o had a dirty mind, as a joke really but he absolutely ignored that. Then he told me that he just want massively into it .. the act ... but massively into me . He shows me care and attention and kindness and fun ... but he doesn’t show me any attraction towards me . He will say I look nice but in subtle ways will say that he isn’t into make up or false lashes or fake tan etc so here I am , hardly wear any make up or make myself attractive through use of make up/ nails/ tan etc

I had one, non serious who turned out to be gay. He was literally perfect in bed, as if he had extensively studied what to do rather than naturally feeling like he wanted to do it. I didn’t put these things together until someone kindly outed him, long after we had spilt up as well!

This isn't a relationship, he's your pal that's occasionally had sex with you, let it go you're wasting your time.

Id really like to think that we are more than friends 😨we get on so well and we have so much enjoyment chatting and fun