Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do about periodic booty caller?

54 replies

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 02:55

I've seen a guy a few times over the past year for a FWB sort of booty call set-up.
January I decided I wasn't happy with the relationship the way it was, and asked him whether he wanted to date.
He replied saying that he was weird and no good at dating.
I replied fine, no worries, no more sex for you!

All fine.

About a month later he texts me out of the blue asking whether I'm dating. I told him to mind his own business.

Again, earlier this evening, he has texted asking whether I'm dating anyone. I told them that I have a queue forming not that it's any of his business.

Why does this dude not just fuck off into the great blue yonder? He's a nice chap, honest in his dishonest intentions, so it's not like I feel the need to block him or anything.

He just annoys me. Like he can text me out of the blue and expects me to tell him whether I'm dating someone or not!

I suppose I could block him, but he's been a good friend to me over the year, so I'm not keen to do that, just in case I need him in the future (I realise that sounds cold). We also drink in the same pub, so I'd bump into him every now and again anyway. He's insufferably shy and awkward though, so I could get away with just saying hello - he'd never initiate a conversation really - well he does sometimes, but he's as odd as two left feet so he'll see me in the pub, ignore me and then text me!

I suppose in a way it's nice to have a little male attention at the moment as I've been a bit of a recluse. Meh!

You'll probably hear from me again in June when he tries to suss out whether I'm up for a booty call again lol.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2019 02:59

'Why does this dude not just fuck off into the great blue yonder? '

Because he wants to 'scratch the itch' and thinks if he's persistent enough you'll oblige.

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:02

Lol Martha. He's barking up the wrong tree, but I have to admire his persistence I guess. Grin

OP posts:
Alicewond · 16/04/2019 03:03

Maybe he stole your chain?

MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2019 03:03
Grin
BlackCatSleeping · 16/04/2019 03:04

Ok, so what do you want from him? Friendship? A relationship? Nothing?

He wants the FWB situation to continue. You don’t, right?

I think you need to be clearer with him.

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:04

He seems ok, but at a guess, I would say maybe has Aspergers. Or just general awkwardness maybe lol.

OP posts:
Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:06

I am clear. I keep telling him to mind his own business lol. So he does for a month or so and then appears out of the blue again. Maybe he thinks I'm annoyed and will have calmed down or something.

OP posts:
Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:07

Lol Alice - chain went missing recently. He hasn't been here since last year.

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 16/04/2019 03:11

“Mind your own business” isn’t clear though. You need to be more direct. “I don’t want to have sex with you. Stop texting me”. That’s clear.

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:28

I did say, 'No more sex'. He replied, 'What, us?' I replied 'Yes'. He replied 'Ok'. That was in January.

Maybe he's just concerned for my wellbeing Wink

OP posts:
Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 16/04/2019 05:28

Hang on. He wants to keep texting you incase you are up for sex.

You dont want to block him incase you need him in the future?

So, how are you any different? You arent maintaining a friendship, generally, but want to know he will be around if you need something?

AgentJohnson · 16/04/2019 06:57

He can’t be an annoying opportunistic fuck and a good friend you don’t want to lose. The balls in your court, he’s not interested in a platonic friendship, you either block him or accept his ‘booty calls’ are a price of the friendship.

Seriously, this isn’t rocket science. The problem is you are still hanging out for a relationship with him and that’s why you won’t block him. At least he’s being honest.

NameChangeNugget · 16/04/2019 06:57

Block him. You’re only sex to him.

eddielizzard · 16/04/2019 07:02

Well obvs he hasn't found another FWB (and by the sounds of it, unlikely to), so he's living in the hope that you won't have found a BF yet. Either you put up with the monthly text for the sake of keeping him on the back burner, or you block him.

Gigamare · 16/04/2019 07:07

If you've been clear that you will not be having sex with him again (and I mean clear) and he's still bothering you then block him. Or, accept you like the occassional attention

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 16/04/2019 07:09

Like he can text me out of the blue and expects me to tell him whether I'm dating someone or not!

You: I want us to stop being FBs because I want to date someone properly.
Him: Ok
(later)
Him: So you dating anyone yet?
You: OMG WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO EXPECT ME TO ANSWER THAT

He is wondering if you might be up for restarting the FWB arrangement. Since you made it clear that you dating someone seriously and sleeping with him were mutually exclusive, the first thing he asks is if you are seeing anyone.

I don't get why you are so outraged by this?

PresidentHump · 16/04/2019 07:13

If you guys have been 'good friends' why shouldnt he ask you questions? Or is he just a shag? Which is it?

Wheresmyvagina · 16/04/2019 07:16

Why don't you just answer him?

fecketyfeck21 · 16/04/2019 07:20

i'd let this 'friendship ' go and block him. if he does have aspergers you aren't doing him any favours as he won't read the signs properly, and you are keeping him hanging on.

MumUnderTheMoon · 16/04/2019 07:28

I think he was being honest in the first place, he's no good at dating. It wasn't a line it was honesty. I am shit at dating so I don't. When I was sexually active it was exclusively fwb or one night stands because it was all I could manage. If he keeps texting you should be very clear. " I have no interest in sex with you, it will not happen again". Perhaps your "no more sex for you" in the first place sounded like an ultimatum to him and he's clumsily trying to see if he can be good at dating?

wertuio · 16/04/2019 07:33

Surely friends ask those questions?
What makes you assume that any contact from this guy is about sex?

Gigamare · 16/04/2019 08:22

@wertuio I think if they have had a fwb situation and op has said she won't be having sex with him because she wants to date then it's fairly obvious what he's after when he asks if she's dating

It's like an 11pm "heyyy" text - it means bootycall

I wish I didn't know so much about this Grin

Foxmuffin · 16/04/2019 08:23

Because you admit yourself you’re keeping him hanging just in case?

Not rocket science is it. You’re encouraging it.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 16/04/2019 08:27

OP isnt blocking him for one reason.

She is hoping when she asks whys it's his business he will say he wants to date her.

Her frustration is that it hasn't gone her way yet.

What she doesnt realise is that he may well say that he does want to date her, they dump her anyway.

LittleChristmasMouse · 16/04/2019 08:35

I don't understand OP. You don't appear to like him very much (from the comments you make about him) yet you asked him if he wanted to date you? Why?

If you don't want him to contact you anymore then you need to tell him. But you clearly do want to remain in contact because you won't block him and you want to keep him dangling in case you need him in the future (which isn't a very nice way to treat anyone)