to move 200 miles from abusive ex?

[fantasea8]

I have a 6 month old. His dad was emotionally abusive towards me and whilst I know the court will allow him access to his son, I don't want to see him again. I am in the process of getting a non molestation order against him.

I have very little support where I am now. I have my friends who I'm staying with but that's it.

Back in my hometown, 200 miles away, I have my mum, my dad, my gran, dozens of friends and a huge huge support network.

WIBU to move back to my parents'? I don't know why I feel sorry for my abusive ex. He's awful. I just don't know what to do.

Is he a good father?

@Chocolateisfab I'm doing that at the moment which was also advised by a solicitor.

We're moving this over to relationships at the OP's request.

If you have all the support elsewhere what’s stopping you going to friends or family? I don’t think you have a few months

@SofaSurfer20 no. He hardly helped me at all, was happy for me to sleep on the sofa with our son when he was first born, gave him pizza and chocolate when he was 2 months old, left him unattended, and cancelled his cardiac appointment. See my thread below. I don't think a good father would do this.

Never been this upset beforehttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3556889-never-been-this-upset-before

I did it. He had taken me to court but they denied him access.

He would need to file a Prohibitive Steps Order prior to you moving away. Not much can be done if you have already moved, but the court may (it really depends on who you get) view this negatively when they look at contact arrangements and the costs etc.

Your abuse is unlikely to affect the child arrangements order, other than they may make provision for handovers that do not include direct contact between parents. You need to be considering if you will be happy to facilitate EOW, half the holidays etc from that distance.

It is a lot to weigh up, and only you can know what is the right decision.

All the best for the future.

OP are you the person that's posted variations of this about 5 times? That you're living in a different city from him, he threatens to take you to court for anything and everything, he wants overnights despite breastfeeding etc? For goodness sake, I'm sorry to be blunt but if you are the same person, which I'm sure you are, stop dithering and just do it. You've had all the advice you need on several other threads.

Denied him access completely @CaptainMyCaptain ? Gosh, that's unusual.

No @Nearlythere1 I've posted twice about my relationship. I only joined mn last week.

fantasea8 it was 33 years ago so maybe things have changed. I moved anyway although I didn't know a soul where I went. I have been here ever since and made a new life. I have never regretted it.

Thanks MNHQ!

I'd be moving asap and say nothing. Let him track you down.

You would need to move asap as you won't be allowed once he has filed at family court. I wish i knew how absurd family court is and team when I had the chance. I now have a 50/50 shared care order with my abuser. It is horrendous. Even if you have to sleep on your mum's sofa please leave whilst you can. Family Court is NOTHING like most people think it is. My risk level is 'imminent risk of serious injury or homicide' and the police have put panic alarms in my house yet they awarded 50/50 with my breast fed pre verbal child

Don't wait, go now. New GP new referral just camp out with family and friends whilst he isn't having any contact.

Just read your other thread. I'd be gone tonight if I were in your shoes!

Go to visit for Easter and don't come back.

I'm with my mum atm. All my stuff is at my friend's house and I have nowhere to put it here for a few months. I could leave it there and just register him here and stay between the two places. So officially live here on paper but spend time at my friends' too. If that would work! I have a whole flat worth of stuff. The house my mum is buying is massive so I could fit it all there but couldn't at the moment. So tricky 😥

I know it's 100% the right thing to do. His dad is a nasty piece of work which I've witnessed more and more since I left!

Go back for your stuff, it's only stuff being supported by friends and family and far far away from him is priceless

It’s a good compromise
Get your paperwork in order

I hope so @GreenTulips - I would hope that they wouldn't consider me to not be living here due to my things being elsewhere, if that makes sense. I'm so anxious.

I would hope that they wouldn't consider me to not be living here due to my things being elsewhere, if that makes sense.

They wouldn't be interested in your stuff. But I'd definitely change my address on bank account, driving licence, add yourself for the council tax, electoral role, etc, etc. And register yourself and your son at a local gp.

I've been there too. I had to 'escape' to move back to my family and roots before any attempts to stop me were made. He was and still is a sneaky, controlling, abusive manipulator. The kids and I went to my family 'for a visit' and never returned and I justified it because the support and network around the kids and I was so important at such a vulnerable time. None of kids were school age which made it easier to justify good reasons as not disrupting anything. It meant I left a place with our stuff in and had to go back and move us out at a later date. It will have consequences re court but if you don't go now, you're left with trying to work out an arrangement with agreement (ha ha I know) and accept it may well end in a court ordered decision which may not go your way. If you do go It's important to set it up in a way that is not just you disappearing with the child and not telling him. That's why I went for a visit with the kids and it was so good for us everything then evolved from there. You do then need to facilitate some kind of contact but be careful to start small as if you give too much any future court order will increase contact from there. I second the post about family court being a law unto itself! Won't give all the details as it is outing... despite CAFCASS assessed Concerns about him he got what he wanted re contact even with very young kids. Plus I was told to wean my young toddler who was still bf night and day for comfort, to facilitate overnight contact. Utter BS. Despite all that I know moving away was the second wisest decision I made. Leaving him being the wisest! Look after yourself too. It's such a stressful and uncertain time. I hope you find some clarity about what's the best decision for you and your baby - you need to be in a good place to give them the best x

@timetogetgoing would appreciate some advice also. I have a young toddler and I’m in a similar situation to the one you were in. How did you manage ‘putting down roots’ without being deceitful?! I don’t want to register my LO for nursery but then be told I should have got consent from her dad?