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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Straw that broke the camels back - what would you have done?

39 replies

ostrom · 15/04/2019 09:24

Been reading mumsnet for a long time now but first post. I think I just need to write this to someone.

Last Friday DH came home after having a week away, I was relaxing in the bath when he got in and then planning to cook good a nice dinner (hoping for an intimate evening). He comes in, has a five minute chat then goes out on his bike for an hour. By the time he's back, showered its late and I think it's unfair expecting me to cook. He happily then cooks for himself. I told him this straight that given what we have gone through in the last few months his behavior was unfair and I felt pretty rubbish. He didn't see what the problem was and I was made to feel guilty as he felt tired after a long drive and needed to clear his head. I then spent the weekend trying to make up for me getting angry, I now feel like a total idiot.

I know this sounds a minor issue. Context to all this is we have been struggling last 18 months with a lack of intimacy, he moved into the spare room within three months of us getting married saying he didn't like the mattress which may or may not be true but completely eroded my self esteem (we've bought 6 new mattresses in that time!!). We have been finally sharing a bed again for the last six weeks. I raised our lack of intimacy / disconnection repeatedly last summer and he shut down more and more. Until Christmas when I decided to leave and told him this was the case. He then opened up massively, saying he didn't mean to make me feel this way, he really loves me, what can he do to change etc. And also said that he had been diagnosed with depression when he was 19 and the only time he didn't need to use medication was when he was with me. We've lived together 8 years and married for three. He'd never told me this in all this time.

I always feel like its me doing everything, we both work full time (I have the longer commute) but I do all the food shopping / cleaning and majority of housework - he will do things when I ask but he never thinks!! He's 36 for christ sake!! And yes I have told him this. Repeatedly. We get on best friends, share a hobby together and rarely run out of things to talk about.

We also rarely have sex and when we do there is little connection, once a week tops but during the mattress saga maybe three times in a year... after we'd got married. We don't have children. I don't believe there is another women but I do know he used (whether he still) watch a lot of porn.

Sorry I know its rambling and there isn't really a question in all that. I guess am I just being a total fool (I'm only 30).

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 15/04/2019 09:41

Did you communicate to him that you wanted him to stay and eat?

Lack of sex and the expectation that you will do the wifework however.... no fucking way

ostrom · 15/04/2019 09:43

Yes, he said he'd do one run of trail and be 30 minutes which I was fine about. Instead he lost track of time and was gone almost two hours.

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 15/04/2019 09:45

Ffs he's horrible then. Does he have any redeeming features?

Lordamighty · 15/04/2019 09:51

He is avoiding intimacy & only he can tell you why. He probably knew you were gearing up for a romantic evening & he sabotaged it deliberately.
You are too young to be putting up with this lack of physical contact from your partner. You need answers from him.

crappyday2018 · 15/04/2019 09:51

Sorry OP but it does sound like he has a real lack of interest in you. The lack of sex is a MASSIVE red flag, especially just after you got married too. Going out on his bike after being away for a week says it all - he should have wanted to spend time with you.
Not sure what to suggest other than laying down the law. You can't go on like this, and you need to make that clear to him.
He needs to change his ways or you need to find someone who actually gives a shit about you. And you're right, your are only 30 and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't wait until you're much older and its then so much harder to start again on your own.

ostrom · 15/04/2019 09:55

Day to day we chat a lot after work, enjoy watching TV together, talking about family, politics, current affairs, he's always been very supportive of my career and we share a hobby together. It's like he doesn't really get the part of the relationship which is intimate / romantic? He's not abusive in anyway, he never shouts, raises his voice, it's more like he just doesn't think at times beyond his immediate wants/needs? I guess by writing this I'm ultimately saying I want to leave but feel beyond guilty thinking that... although I do think I have tried my best to make things better.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/04/2019 10:10

i would try and do damage limitation on your self esteem and leave him. You deserve someone who is as into you as you are to them.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/04/2019 10:16

I'm not sure how this relationship can last in the long term when he just does not want to have any intimate contact with you. That's very unlikely to change.

DewDropsonKittens · 15/04/2019 10:17

You sound incredibly lonely, when you feel lonely in a marriage I think that's the time to go.

He sounds very selfish, uninterested in making things better and I doubt you would hear from him again if you left by the sounds of it

Babdoc · 15/04/2019 10:21

OP, that’s not a husband, that’s a flat mate. Or a lodger. Do you really want to spend the next 50 years like this?
You need a serious discussion with him. He needs to give you a good reason to stay - because at the moment, there isn’t one.

Shoxfordian · 15/04/2019 10:27

If you want to leave then you should leave

Musti · 15/04/2019 10:27

Honestly, I don't see the point if staying in such a one sided relationship when you're so young and have no children.

5LeafClover · 15/04/2019 10:38

he just doesn't think at times beyond his immediate wants/needs This is not someone to be planning a family with even if you can get past the lack of intimacy issues.

ScreamingLadySutch · 15/04/2019 10:40

Have you ever heard of avoidant attachment?

When someone has formed an avoidant attachment to their parents when they are growing up, this translates into what is called a dismissive attachment as an adult. Technically, there are two dismissive attachment styles, fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant. They both operate fairly similarly.

People with the dismissive attachment style have been taught that people are unreliable so they act accordingly as adults. They tend to shy away from intimate relationships and feel they don’t really need anyone to rely on.

They cope with their relationships as adults by being cold and not clingy or getting too attached or close to anyone. They can come across as loners and in many respects they are. They feel they can can take care of things by themselves because they’ve been shown growing up they have to.

They can and do enjoy being with a partner but get uncomfortable when the relationship gets too close. Many times, they perceive their partner as too clingy or wanting too much, especially when the partner wants to feel closer. Avoidant attachment types tend to be more focused on themselves and don’t pay a lot of attention to the needs and feelings of others.

When arguing with an avoidant, many times they wall themselves off and become cold and aloof. It can be extremely frustrating for their partners because they don’t seem willing to engage in conversations regarding feelings.

Many times the avoidant attachment person has a high opinion of themselves. On the flip side, they can tend to see others in a cynical and/or negative light.

In a lot of instances, this high level of self-regard is actually covering up and protecting a fragile self-ego. In reality, they can have a critical inner voice and don’t think very highly of themselves, they simply appear that way externally to others.

Negative effects of avoidant attachment in relationships

As you might imagine, people with avoidant attachments struggle to achieve close, meaningful relationships. This isn’t a big issue for the avoidant type, it can be a much bigger deal for their partner. Some of the negative effects in these relationships include:

Keeping a distance

Since they have learned to fear rejection, their built-in defense mechanism to not be rejected is to keep people at a distance. They don’t open up a lot about how they feel and keep feelings close to the vest so to speak. Trying to have a conversation about how they feel can prove frustrating.

Repressing and negativity

Avoidants repress many, if not most, of their feelings. They do this to hide their vulnerability and tend to deal with their feelings on their own.

Since they become accustomed to this, they don’t develop the skill to express what they need. Their feelings will come out in the form of complaints, stony silence or negativity. They simply can’t express positive feelings and can only show their feelings in a negative way.

Sabotage

As getting close in a relationship becomes uncomfortable, what tends to happen is avoidants find ways to mess up relationships. They do this so things don’t get too close.

They may invent problems that don’t exist or come up with reasons why the relationship shouldn’t continue. Does “I just don’t think I’m ready for a long term relationship” sound familiar? This could be an avoidant attachment type.

Mixed signals

Avoidants are prone to sending mixed signals to their partners. Since they don’t want things to get too close, they are good at sending you alternately “things are going great” signals along with “things aren’t going well” type signals. This can make their partners head spin and make them feel like they don’t really know what’s going on.

Fault finding

When in a relationship with an avoidant, be ready for them to find fault after fault with you. It could be the way you eat, the way you fold laundry, how you load the dishwasher, etc.

It really doesn’t matter, they are masters at finding fault in everything you do. Unless you are great at not taking anything personally, this can wear you down.

How to deal with avoidant attachment in relationships

If you find yourself in a relationship with an avoidant attachment type, there are some ways you can deal with it.

Probably the most important trait someone can have in a relationship with an avoidant is to be self-confident in themselves. Having a good sense of self will allow you to keep things in perspective. Some other ways to deal with avoidant attachments in an adult relationship are:

  1. Don’t take it personally

This is good advice for life in general and especially important here.

Know that the way the avoidant deals with your relationship has nothing to do with you. It is based upon their childhood experiences. This will help keep things in a manageable light.

  1. Be reliable

Since the avoidant had an unreliable parent or caregiver growing up, showing them that you are dependable can go a long way in developing trust in the relationship.

Being that steady presence gives them something they aren’t used to – in a good way.

  1. Don’t push too hard

Bear in mind they aren’t used to nor do they like sharing their feelings. When you push to have them share feelings, all that’s going to happen is the door is going to stay shut.

As you stay steady and reliable, the trust will build and when the time is right, they will share how they feel.

  1. Give them space

As you would think avoidants are used to and typically enjoy being on their own. In any healthy relationships, a couple should enjoy doing things together but also on their own.

Respect his or her need for “me time” and allow them to have it. Don’t try to do everything together, it won’t work.

  1. Stand your ground

Having a solid sense of who you are and what’s important to you is always a good thing. In a relationship with an avoidant, clearly communicate what’s important to you.

If they never want to go out on a date but that’s important to you, let them know. And stick to it.

Things might not work out if you are too far apart on what’s important to you but that’s true of any relationship. Don’t lose yourself and stay true to you.

The bottom line

Most people I know want to have great relationships, it’s a huge part of a well-rounded and happy life. We are all different in our own ways and have had a variety of different upbringings that affect us later in life.

As we’ve discussed, the attachment style we develop when we are young get carried over into our adult lives. This is true of everyone. We’ve looked at what avoidant attachment can do to your relationships and how to deal with it.

Close to 1/3 of the population has tendencies to one degree or another of an avoidant attachment style as an adult. If you have this attachment style, the best thing you can do is be aware of it, and be mindful when in a relationship. If you have a partner who shows signs of avoidant attachment style, there are ways to deal with it but you should also remember to stand your ground all the time.

notapizzaeater · 15/04/2019 10:45

He's obv not interested in you as his wife, more a friend which would be ok if you where happy with that but you're not. You still have time to start again with someone who loves you,

Pinnacular · 15/04/2019 10:45

Time for some counselling to help him talk through his side? Then you can make an informed decision so as not to be left with unresolved what-ifs.

ShellieEllie · 15/04/2019 10:46

I don't think you mentioned where he was for the week he was away- was this with work or did he take himself off on holiday somewhere without you?

MIA12 · 15/04/2019 10:50

At 30 you are young enough to leave and meet someone who is actually suited to you. You could waste another decade + with him and be in a worse position in terms of meeting someone else and starting a family etc. I’d get out now.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/04/2019 10:51

It’s all me, me, me isn’t it from his perspective. Where do your needs and wants come into his thinking

LumpyPillow · 15/04/2019 10:59

You're living with a friend. You get on well. Some people are just like that, perfectly nice, but thats all they've got to give. They dont have that emotional, sexual or passionate side. Its like they are robots. They are incapable of change.

He sounds pathetic in that you do everything in the house and have made a hell of a lot of effort. Don't waste another minute questioning yourself.

dustarr73 · 15/04/2019 11:04

Is there any chance hes gay,and doesnt want to admit it.

ostrom · 15/04/2019 11:41

Thanks for the responses so far, I really do appreciate it. I have friends who I have spoken about to IRL but neither are married / been in long term relationships. I seem to be second guessing what a marriage should feel like and whether I am holding out for an idealistic romantic dream when actually the reality is comfortable companionship.

LumpyPillow I think you have hit the nail on the head regarding being nice but no passion. He's perfectly happy to cuddle on the sofa, hug me after a hard day, peck on the lips, but nothing much more, unless he is clearly in the mood (which isn't that often).

For context he was away visiting his family, which I was happy about him doing and I couldn't go due to work reasons.

I suggested counselling back in January when I agreed to stay but nothing happened. I wanted to see if he would make some positive moves for once (he had previously said no to counselling last summer).

I don't think he's gay (I have asked him outright in a supportive way).

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 15/04/2019 12:44

I have the longer commute) but I do all the food shopping / cleaning and majority of housework

OK why is this? I can (sort of) understand falling into doing more than your fair share but once you spot it and ask 'why' what is the answer. And why don't you stop. ?

Are you trying to be Ms Perfect? Sorry, Sounds a bit like clogging a dead horse.

EvaHarknessRose · 15/04/2019 12:55

Well, they say marriage makes men happier and women unhappier. He gets a lot from this relationship, but puts very little in. I would withdraw your emotional labour and wifework.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/04/2019 12:56

There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. But there is such a thing as a perfect relationship for you!

We all have to make compromises in a relationship, but they should never be about something that’s important TO YOU. My dh doesn’t replace the loo roll when it runs out and squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle. Drives me up the wall, but I let it go because some things are more important to me. I need my dh to be kind, considerate, passionate, supportive etc. These are deal breakers for me. Loo rolls aren’t.

If I were you I’d make a list of things you’d absolutely need in your partner and see how he stacks up. He’s already proved he’s not willing to change by his actions around coucilling.

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