Hi guys,
Please excuse this long winded message.
Been with my husband five years, marrried one and a half.
When we met he was going through court as his ex was caught cheating and she repaid him by taking him to court saying he was abusive etc. This meant he didn’t see his 1 year old daughter for two months when he was exceptionally close to her. He was found not guilty and he got joint custody but he became this angry. Nasty person. He was angry and scared and he had to have anger management and therapy etc but I stuck by him.. he has mental health issues from this and a bad childhood (abuse)
We had his daughter with us every other weekend for 5 years and she sees me as another parent. He also was great for four years and was so happy. We got married and four months ago welcomed our own baby.
When she was born he say saying how in love he was with me and he was thrilled showing his family off. Everything was great until the middle of February, he backed off so I could bond more with baby and he seemed to start finding her crying intolerable.. he would get angry at her at night. He was off with me and acting strange.
He went to training in Birmingham and when he came back was odd. He went to a late night dentist .. which I didn’t think much of as he had a bad tooth but the next day he simply got up and left saying he might want a divorce ..
errrmm?! What?
So for about three weeks he would come home and go between loving me and wanting to sort himself out and saying he didn’t want to be with me. He slept with me during this time also. He was like a different person. In that time he stayed at a hotel once.
At the end of March it came out he met some silly little girl at training and nothing had happened but they carried on talking and slept together (he told me one night before he went out). I called her and in true silly kid fashion she said she knew it was wrong but she was telling him to sort it out with his family. Yeah right love. She also said they’d stopped talking.
So I confronted him and he’d gone out the night before got hammered so I stormed over to his mothers house and showed him her photo to which he admitted it etc etc ... his family were devastated as EVERYONE said after what he had been through he would NEVER cheat which he always promised. So imagine the shock and sadness from everyone.
Later that day he admitted he had still been speaking to her because she was the only one who knew what he’d done and had no one else to speak to to which I lost my temper etc etc.
Either way he text her and said I want nothing to do with u.. equally his family said if u speak to her you can get lost.
He told me and everyone he felt I no longer loved him ( we hadn’t had sex really since I’d be pregnant 😐I know) he felt I was only with him for the baby but didn’t want him.. foolishly I always gave him so much attention before the baby..
He went on to say he’d do anything to get us back. It was a huge mistake, he was remorseful and ashamed.
Soon after that he seemed to change again and just nose dived, said he was so ashamed and guilty and felt awful and couldn’t believe he was capable of doing that to me of all people. He started saying he was worried he’d do it again and he’d hurt me again and he couldn’t be sure he was a good person any more (he has anxiety and ice btw) hence the overthinking. And said maybe it wasn’t what he wanted as he didn’t know himself anymore ..
Anyway, I took his daughter to him on mother’s day and when I left I kissed my step daughter goodbye and sobbed as I walked away. I received a text saying he didn’t know what to do.. we didn’t talk until I saw him Friday when we were alone to drop off baby he wanted to hug me and said I do love you.. he’d told me the week before he was depressed and stated taking medication for it. So I asked about that and he kept trying to hug me. I left and the next day he saw his daughter again but he seemed low and stressed (he works a lot and so on) but he said I love you quite sadly when we left.
Anyway ... I don’t know what to say.. my whole life’s turned upside down. Me and his baby were all he ever wanted and suddenly he just changed (the week before his training). His whole demeanour, he was tutting at the baby crying and saying he couldn’t cope with her .. not like the man I knew..
And now I don’t know what to do.
He says about he wants to take baby steps towards maybe working us out but .. I don’t know how to feel. Has anyone else been through anything lke this?!
I just need help. I don’t know what happened to my husband .