Where to start?
I was with my now ex partner for nearly two years, from very early on in the relationship I was accused of talking to, sleeping with, meeting up with other girls. I became pregnsnt very early on which ended in a missed miscarriage (I do believe he drugged me and caused this but I cannot prove that now). During my miscarriage he was absent, I remember right before I miscarried I had a scan and he called me and asked how it went although he didn’t come with me. As soon as I said it went fine he hung up, we’d argued quite a bit around that time. The next time I spoke to him he asked to come round and see me. Everything went fine. I remember drinking my juice the next day and it tasting weird and losing my pregnancy symptoms. My housemate who had also had some of the juice came back home after work that day with stomach pains. A couple of days later I lost all pregnancy symptoms went for a scan and baby had no heartbeat after me seeing a heartbeat just a week before. I went through the miscarriage by myself he was nowhere to be seen but would call me once a day asking how I am and what was going on.
After that we went on holiday (his suggestion to apparently make up for the miscarriage) 3 days into the 4 day holiday he woke up and it just seemed like he wanted to argue, everything I did he made a negative comment about to the point where I wanted to just get out. So I picked up a cigarette and went to leave. He stood in front of the door not letting me go so yes I pushed him to the side after asking him to move. At which point he picks me up and chokes me on the bed. He said he doesn’t want to see himself like that so I forgave him. We moved out together (flat in my name because he apparently had bad credit) he cheated on me within two months and let the girl be calling my phone. I left, he tells me he’s sorry he wants to spend the rest of his life with me etc. We get back together, once again the accusations start, the put downs.
He even blew up on me at work for speaking to one of his colleagues despite me pleading with him to take a look at himself and see how he is embarrassing not only himself but also me. He was that angry he didn’t even realise his manager was there and had seen everything. I left his workplace and went home this same night he comes to my house and climbs over the neighbours fence because I wouldn’t open my front door (scared, upset and knowing trying to talk to him so soon Wouldn’t be a good thing). The neighbours had cctv and caught him and complained to my landlord which eventually led to my land lord asking me to leave. Things were fine for a little while he takes us away for New Years Eve.
He suggests that I live with his mom so I leave the landlords this literally lasts two days, during the time I am living at his moms house he constantly accuse someone me of sleeping with his brother (who doesn’t even live at his moms house). I go out with him, in the car he asks to go through my phone. My friend Manny (a male rings) he blows up telling me I’m a -insert any derogatory term you can- despite me calling manny back infront of him as he demanded I do. He actually had nothing to say to him just screamed on the phone I was supposed to be his woman and I’m talking to other guys. This same day I had found out I was pregnant and told him mid argument. He screams he doesn’t care who’s child is it etc?
I leave his moms that day and go to live with my aunty. Once again everything becomes fine between us. He once again suggests moving out telling me he wants to be a family. We get a flat (yet again in my name) I notice after being here a couple of weeks he’s barely moved anything in but bought a TV and £300 gaming chair.
We go for my 12 week scan he’s fine throughout it, I go back to work and miss his first call in my lunch break because I was eating but manage to pick up his second call he starts the accusing again. This time my colleague can hear I’m seriously cringing inside, she was shocked that my partner was speaking to me like that.
I get home and he asks me to search a new steering wheel as the one he has for his game doesn’t vibrate. I do so and we go to get food. Not the way I asked him for the £20 he said he’d put towards the WiFi he said he didn’t tell me he’d give it to me. He makes me go to the chip shop then calls me to scream that it’s taking too long and he’s missed 20 minutes of the match. When we get home the match doesn’t work on the website he uses so I put the tv on rich kids go skint the woman on there has a baby. He says he doesn’t want to watch it, screams I'm annoying and he doesn’t want to be with me. We then spend the majority of the night arguing at which point completely drained of energy I ask him to leave multiple times. I pack his stuff and put it by the door. He takes some of the stuff and does leave after me threatening to call the police.
The next day I receive a call from an unknown number after blocking him on everything which I don’t pick up. 20 minutes later my door bell rings. I leave it about half an hour call him and tell him not to ring my doorbell and to leave me alone. I call my sister and ask if I can come to hers. My Uber is two minutes away so I go to wait outside. He comes from around a corner grabs me and throws to the floor trying to get my key he sits on my back and tells me he is going to break my arm, he hopes I lose my baby etc all in the presence of the locksmith he has called to change my locks.
In the end the police were called this isn’t the first time he has changed my locks he did this at the last flat. The police have suggested a non molestation order. I am heartbroken, not only for me but also for my child and now I am sitting here questioning how I could love someone who wouldn’t put never through so much. He handled me violently because he wanted to, he could have said he would come back later but no furthermore the locksmith was already there he could have let me walk away.
The fact my child could grow up without a father makes me so so sad.