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Original poster

DH deleting messages ever innocent?

32 replies

duckcar · 11/04/2019 22:18

Hi, name changed for this as I usually only post about the kids and don't want anyone to see this Blush

So DH's phone was on kitchen side while he was cooking, I glanced at it and saw a message from a work colleague come in. I'm going to be honest, this is a younger, pretty female colleague which I have felt a bit of envy towards in the past - however totally trust my hubby (I think) and never suspected of anything between them (apart from she is a bit flirty with lots of men at work - I know as I work in the same place) However DH is not flirty (just nice) and as I say, never suspected anything.

However, got to admit, I know its bad but I wanted to see what she had messaged him, so just as we came to bed and he was in the bathroom, I looked on his phone for the message. However, it's gone!

Please can someone reassure me he might have a perfectly reasonable explanation for deleting this?! He doesn't normally delete messages.. however I also don't feel I can ask him without making it obvious I've been looking at his phone!

Feeling confused :(

OP posts:
Runbikeswim · 11/04/2019 22:21

You could say you saw it come in and ask him what it said?

NameChangeNugget · 11/04/2019 22:23

I delete messages as soon as I’ve read them.

Justawaterformeplease · 11/04/2019 22:24

Has he deleted any other message?

cliquewhyohwhy · 11/04/2019 22:27

I also delete messages after I've read and replied.

Original poster
duckcar · 11/04/2019 22:28

I could ask him but I never ask him what his messages say and I feel it will come across as me being paranoid. Also he doesn't normally delete messages as i've said.
I don't know what else he's deleted, because he must have deleted their whole text stream. I don't usually look at his phone so not sure if she usually texts him, but there are no texts from her on there.

OP posts:
Isth · 11/04/2019 22:30

It doesn’t really matter if PPs delete messages that they’ve replied to as you have already said, OP, your husband doesn’t, and therein lies the basis for me saying this is suspicious. I’m sorry but I would be quite unhappy at this, as he is being secretive and is clearly hiding something.

Justawaterformeplease · 11/04/2019 22:33

Sorry, I mean are there other messages on his phone? Has he deleted messages from other people or just this woman?

LaughingCow99 · 11/04/2019 22:33

Can you look at his sent messages?

Aimily · 11/04/2019 22:34

Could it be that she sent him a one off message, the contents were whatever, he's deleted it because it didn't matter and not even acknowledged it.
I would just say "I saw so and so text you while coming dinner, everything OK at work?" innocent question, could be an innocent reason.

Aimily · 11/04/2019 22:34

Cooking not coming 🙄 sorry

Orange6904 · 11/04/2019 22:38

Seems odd if he doesn't delete other messages. Can you say what @Aimily posted maybe/

Original poster
duckcar · 11/04/2019 22:38

There are other messages on his phone, yes. All the other text conversations are there (As far as I'm aware - as I said I would only look at his phone infrequently normally if he was showing me something or I was looking for a message from a mutual friend with an address or something similar) but there are no messages from her, meaning he must have deleted it. I cant see sent messages as he has an iphone and the whole stream is gone.

I might have to ask him, but I feel like now that several hours have passed it would be weird to bring up. He'll know I'm suspicious...

OP posts:
SpeedyBojangles · 11/04/2019 22:41

Was it definitely a text? Could it have been on a different messaging platform like WhatsApp for FB Messenger?

Orange6904 · 11/04/2019 22:42

Maybe leave it and keep an eye out for a bit? If you say something and there is something going on he will just hide it more anyway.

SpeedyBojangles · 11/04/2019 22:43

*or

Susanna30 · 11/04/2019 22:43

Uh oh. Alarm bells.

Don't ask him anything for now (giving him a heads up you're on to him - potentially), but keep your eyes peeled.

Hopefully it's something innocent.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/04/2019 22:43

so he deleted 'only' her messages .... Hmm

yeah righto Confused

ittakes2 · 11/04/2019 22:45

It could be because he knows how you feel about her and wants an easy life?

NotFatTransslender · 11/04/2019 22:46

Hmm I wouldn’t like that. Definitely be alert to any more.

Only redeeming thing is that he isn’t being secretive with his phone and it’s not locked/password protected as you were able to get into it, so maybe he doesn’t think he’s crossed a line yet, but is deleting because he thinks you won’t like the fact that he’s chatting to her at all.

It’s still iffy but not necessarily full blown affair territory.

Original poster
duckcar · 11/04/2019 22:53

It was definitely a text, yes.
@notfattransslender good point. this does make me feel better. Also I am sure he isn't having an affair, I really feel I would know that. He also isn't secretive and doesn't go out to anywhere I don't know about - we have two young kids and he does a lot with them, so I'm 99% sure no affair. But I am a bit worried about this deleting!! Maybe it is as PP said he just wants an easy life as he knows I wouldn't like them texting... but I wish he wouldn't have deleted it!

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 11/04/2019 23:12

I’m sorry that you’re having this niggle.

I would not be comfortable with this. By deleting the thread, he is keeping her a secret.

Many office affairs are conducted during lunchtime, by leaving early, at work nights out, etc. Emotional affairs can be carried out right there at work.

Has anything been ‘off’ lately?

Try to get another look at his phone and be vigilant.

TildaTurnip · 11/04/2019 23:20

I wouldn’t be suspicious of this! I delete some messages and not others-if it is a one off message about work then I’d delete but if a conversation with someone that I know I’ll continue to text, I don’t tend to delete. So just deleting her message wouldn’t ring alarm bells.

Would you feel like this if she wasn’t ‘younger and prettier’? If it was another colleague?

Or, she could have been flirty (you mentioned she is generally) and your husband was uncomfortable with it so deleted and ignored.

RiversDisguise · 11/04/2019 23:33

I have a colleague who sometimes sends texts that verge on over friendly but he's like this with everyone. He's a natural oversharer.

I delete them so my husband doesn't see them and get the hump

I am definitely not having an affair

Schlerp · 11/04/2019 23:35

If he knows you’ve had jealousy issues with this person before perhaps he deleted to save the aggro of you seeing it knowing you’re Checking his phone when he’s away?

Itsyersel · 11/04/2019 23:37

Maybe he knows your paranoid about this hotter woman, and deleted it for some piece, you should not be creeping on his phone!

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