DH deleting messages ever innocent?

[duckcar]

Hi, name changed for this as I usually only post about the kids and don't want anyone to see this

So DH's phone was on kitchen side while he was cooking, I glanced at it and saw a message from a work colleague come in. I'm going to be honest, this is a younger, pretty female colleague which I have felt a bit of envy towards in the past - however totally trust my hubby (I think) and never suspected of anything between them (apart from she is a bit flirty with lots of men at work - I know as I work in the same place) However DH is not flirty (just nice) and as I say, never suspected anything.

However, got to admit, I know its bad but I wanted to see what she had messaged him, so just as we came to bed and he was in the bathroom, I looked on his phone for the message. However, it's gone!

Please can someone reassure me he might have a perfectly reasonable explanation for deleting this?! He doesn't normally delete messages.. however I also don't feel I can ask him without making it obvious I've been looking at his phone!

Feeling confused :(

duck, was this an evening text?

It may be she's a little flirty with him and he delete her messages so as not to upset you or cause any unnecessary concerns, wothout participating in ANYTHING untoward himself.

I would be quite unhappy at this, as he is being secretive and is clearly hiding something.

This.

I'd keep checking the phone.

It's how things started with my ex and the OW. I'd never noticed anything previously, but he'd started being a bit more attached to his phone. One night, not 5 mins after he'd walked into the house this younger female colleague had messaged him. There were other red flags prior to this involving her and he was hunched over his phone whilst I came in to tell him dinner was ready. I asked why she was messaging (I could see her name on the screen as he still had it open) and he said she had just messaged him to say she was hiding from someone in her local shop that she'd met on Tinder. So the sharing of dating disasters and 'I'll never find anyone', basically hawking for compliments had started - this is all stuff I'd realised in hindsight.

ANY messaging which is kept secret or deleted is basically the tip of something else, believe me. It can be two things; 1) He's either onto what her game is (flirting etc) and doesn't want you to be upset or 2) they are having an overly familiar friendship/bordering on emotional affair.

MsDogLady is bang on - my ex didn't seem to have any time to conduct an affair but, it was mainly played out within work time.

I'd never had any cause to mistrust him previously on that side of things for 8 years prior, but little red flags had started to pop up involving this particular colleague and my spidey senses were correct.

It could be nothing or something, but these things do come like a bolt from the blue and get you unawares. I started checking my ex's phone and sure enough he would delete all messages from her whilst other streams of messages to fellow colleagues (some also female) were not deleted.

I hope for your sake it is nothing to be concerned about, but do check again when you can.

Keep your powder dry, casually keep looking. Notice if he always has his phone face down. Ignore anyone who says don’t look, if you have good reason to be suspicious such as streams of deleted messages when he normally doesn’t delete, then in my honest opinion, all bets are off , it may be innocent enough in which case it’s no big deal and will put your mind at rest

Are you positive that he doesn't always delete messages from other people?

You could try talking to him honestly? Sometimes I delete messages though usually I don’t - it’s aometh I quite often do whilst cooking actually, tidy up my phone. I’d want my husband to talk to me if he was feeling insecure so that I could reassure him. The deletion MAY be a concern but so too is you feeling you can’t just ask.