Anyway to hide address from abusive parent I’m NC with?

[Hithere12]

So I am NC with my Dad. He is a violent abusive person and I don’t want him in my life. I am a 25 year old woman staying with my boyfriend, but I’m registered at my mums address.

He won’t just leave me alone though. He doesn’t have my private details and has been ringing my mum (his ex wife) screaming at her for my partners address, she wouldn’t give it to him so was trying to get my boyfriends sur name so his equally abusive new girlfriend who’s own kids are NC, I’ve met once can find my address using his surname as she works for NHS. I’m staying with my partner right now and I’m not officially rejistered here so it’s not on my records, and they don’t have his surname.

I feel like I can’t even be safe in my own home anymore and I just want to know there are ways I can hide my address even from someone who works from NHS. I just don’t feel safe anymore. I can’t really go to the police as trying to get someone’s address isn’t a crime. He is off the open register but is there anything else I can do?

Sorry my post is barely readable I typed it really quickly on my phone.

If someone working for the NHS passes on any personal details to a 3rd party, this is an instant dismissal offence - do you know where she works?

And as you don't feel safe then I really would contact the police for advice

Is it not a form of stalking, and therefore an offence? I think a chat with the police is the way forward.

If someone working for the NHS passes on any personal details to a 3rd party, this is an instant dismissal offence

Wow I wish I’d known this at the time. (The happened over two months ago), my Mum was a receptionists at NHS and seems to think it’s allowed because she wasn’t looking up his personal medical details but the electoral register?

Two months ago I agreed to see my Dad (I hadn’t seen him in nearly a year) because I was guilted into it “he’s faaaamily” etc. Anyway within a few days he’s screaming abuse at me, I try to leave and he physically restrains me to the point I have bruising etc. I get away and find out he’s been screaming at my Mum for my address. I text him telling him to leave me alone and get this pathetic gasslighting text about how they are getting social services involved because I am a danger to myself. I’m not even joking.

He’s been violent to my mum, my sister, probably his ex. I have a normal quiet life with my boyfriend and he wanted to pretend I’m insane to social services. So they would have got around that rule by pretending I’m insane. I’m not even joking.

Is it not a form of stalking, and therefore an offence? I think a chat with the police is the way forward

The thing is he hasn’t contacted me in over two months, so it’s not like he’s stalking me per day. It’s more that I still can’t relax in my own home because he’s tried this once already.

Darling, how about a non molestation order? Free of charge, prepared by your good self via a DV advisor???

If he physically restrained you to the point that you were bruised, then that is assault.

Did you report the assault to the police? If not, you need to do so right now. You need to tell them everything, the threats, the violence towards other family members, the lot.

I would hpnestly contact the local police and ask for someone from the DV unit to come and talk me through my options and potential senarios. Forwarned is for forarmed.

You need to go to the police op, this is serious and you need to protect yourself.

Did you report the assault to the police? If not, you need to do so right now. You need to tell them everything, the threats, the violence towards other family members

I did, I told them all of this and they have a record of it. They gave me a crime number etc. I said I didn’t want to press charges because he is extremely vindictive (trying to get my address, trying to get my boyfriends surname, pretending I’m crazy) and it’s not like they’d lock him so I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. I just wanted him to leave me alone which he has now. It’s more for my own piece of mind that I want my address hidden.
Yes two of the violent incidents against other people in my family are on police records.

The incidents re my family were a very long time ago this isn’t a regular thing, they were isolatef incidents. I’m not excusing him at all I just want to paint an accurate picture. It’s more that he’s so toxic he thinks he has a right to be in my life because he’s faamily no matter how abusive he is (verbal/screaming). He’s gaslit me so much I’ve actually been feeling guilty for going no contact with him because I know it has upset him a lot. But I don’t feel safe around him (as in mentally). He screams abuse when he’s angry and thinks it’s normal and I can’t stand being around him I’m on eggshells.

It hasn't upset him. It has made him angry because you are defying him, and won't do as you are told. You don't have to feel guilty about trying to protect yourself from abuse.

He screams abuse when he's angry and thinks it's normal No it isn't normal and you are an adult. You do not have to put up with it just because he is your dad.

Look up FOG - and maybe pay a visit to the Stately Homes thread on here about toxic parents.

OP just to let you know, you and your boyfriend can go on the electoral roll as anonymous electors. Why should you lose your vote because of your awful dad?! See the entry for the UK here:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anonymous_elector

His partner isn't even allowed to search for people. All computer access is recorded against the user, so if they do find out, you complain to the Trust and she gets fired. (and it's good evidence for court). Things have changed an awful lot since the 1990s and 2000s.

@itsinchicago yes I will do. I just googled FOG and can relate to a lot of it.

Has your mother gone to the police?

Has she blocked his number or changed her number?

When your ready you can get the police to help and so can your mother.

His partner isn't even allowed to search for people. All computer access is recorded against the user

My Mum worked for NHS (this was over 6 years ago though) and thinks they are allowed to search for people on electoral register? I’m sure they aren’t allowed to give out private detaild but my Dad wanted to get “social services” involved because I am NC and he wanted to pretend I am mentally unstable as some kind of revenge. So if he manipulated them into believing a genuinely am crazy and needed help would it still not be allowed?

Do the anonymous thing for the electorate register and report firm to the police.

Other than this, you can easily change your name. Either to DP’s name or something completely different.

Try speaking to Women’s Aid, they do a Freedom programme which helps abuse victims to see what has been happening to them, as in the guilty feelings etc, and how to deal with it.

Does your DP know what he is like? It’s very common for abusers to be utterly charming in public.

Re him getting social services involved, do you have DC?

Your mum, as an bus worker, could check the electoral register to ensure a person lived in the area they were trying to get care in. But to use that information for anything else or pass it on would have been breaking the law.

As you are, I presume, not registered as a vulnerable adult, SS would have no interest in any crap your father might say. As an adult, you are entitled to go NC with anyone you want. He is not entitled to a relationship with you, or your contact details.

You can make you electoral roll details private. And you have police evidence to back up your need for this.

Your father is harassing your mother and I suggest she contacts the police and asked for advice.

This may sound awfully drastic but to save yourself years of this time of worry how about changing your name by deed poll?
I have worked in DV/safeguarding & if I were you I would.

If he did manage to manipulate SS, they cannot pass your details to him! They would speak to you and only you to check you were ok. After that they'd flag him as being malicious and ignore any future bollox he comes out with.

I would also contact HR dept for the trust his DP works at & tell her of your stituation. They may be able to put some kind of flag on your notes & if accessed by her disciplinary action could be taken.
I also used to have access to NHS records system & the form I signed couldn't be clearer that it is a disciplinary offence to search people's records you do not need access to

The main problem is not just your name. Your NHS number remains the same no matter how you change your name (marriage, deed poll). Once the person/NHS employee has accessed the information you are no longer at a secret or unknown address. Depending on the age of the NHS employee being sacked may not affect them much unless their pension was stopped for gross misconduct.

I would report back to police that he is doing anything he can to get your address. That he plans on maliciously reporting you to SS. These are some of the ways he is trying to get your address and detail as follows. What do they suggest you do.

You should not be living in fear of this man. This is what he wants!

Do you have children? What reason would he call SS? If you get on top of this with the police they would notify SS that if this man contacts them it is a false report.