Anyway to hide address from abusive parent I’m NC with?

[Hithere12]

So I am NC with my Dad. He is a violent abusive person and I don’t want him in my life. I am a 25 year old woman staying with my boyfriend, but I’m registered at my mums address.

He won’t just leave me alone though. He doesn’t have my private details and has been ringing my mum (his ex wife) screaming at her for my partners address, she wouldn’t give it to him so was trying to get my boyfriends sur name so his equally abusive new girlfriend who’s own kids are NC, I’ve met once can find my address using his surname as she works for NHS. I’m staying with my partner right now and I’m not officially rejistered here so it’s not on my records, and they don’t have his surname.

I feel like I can’t even be safe in my own home anymore and I just want to know there are ways I can hide my address even from someone who works from NHS. I just don’t feel safe anymore. I can’t really go to the police as trying to get someone’s address isn’t a crime. He is off the open register but is there anything else I can do?

Re NHS, I am sure there is a way to red flag your file regarding someone “illegal” looking at your file and marking it private or safeguarding your address. I am sure this is not the first time this has happened. The police should also be able to help with this.

Your Mum was wrong and she knows it because she would have received training on privacy and if she was caught, it would have been a disciplinary offence.

Your Mum needs to contact the Police regarding the harassment of her. There needs to be a paper trail because it isn’t an isolated incident, it’s a consistent and persistent pattern of harassment.

The main problem is not just your name. Your NHS number remains the same no matter how you change your name (marriage, deed poll). Once the person/NHS employee has accessed the information you are no longer at a secret or unknown address

It’s the OP here I’ve been locked out my account for some reason.

This is literally terrifying :( I am still registered at my mums address not my boyfriends so he hasn’t been able to find it yet but I know I’ll have to change my address eventually.

Thank you everyone for all your advice btw it’s been so helpful I wish I’d come on here two months ago to ask for advice.

I would also contact HR dept for the trust his DP works at & tell her of your stituation. They may be able to put some kind of flag on your notes & if accessed by her disciplinary action could be taken

She works in Liverpool and I live in Cheltenham so would she even be able to access my records? & yes I will def do all this. This all happened over two months ago I prob should have done it at the time.

Also I’m not sure if this is an issue with reporting to Police but I’m registered as living in Cheltenham, I’m currently staying in Birmingham and he lives in Manchester so I’m not sure if the Police in Birmingham would want to deal with a case of someone living in Manchester.

Doesn't matter where in England any of this happens, the law is across the country. As others have said, that means any personal data breach, even just accessing your records without a valid professional reason, is gross misconduct. As an example, a policewoman was sacked and probably lost her pension due to accessing information on their national database for the purpose of passing on to her boyfriend, even her accessing the info without good reason for her work was enough to get her sacked. This includes your NHS number (I found that comment quite alarmist) it's your "personal data" (important phrase), you have a legally protected right to privacy and to only have it used in line with GDPR (new version of Data Protection Act and much tougher) and the NHS's own rules. Do contact the trust she works for and the police again. You might also want to read up on advice from the Information Commissioner's Office and contact them if you have questions. ICO has the power to issue huge fines to any organisation that commits a data breach, so the NHS trust would be very concerned about this, I reckon. You have the absolute and legally enforceable right to not live with this any of this threat, I wish you all the best.

This all sounds really scary OP. Here are the details of a helpline local to you, try giving them a call, as they would hopefully have the ability to support you with any action you need to take, or give you the information about other support you could access. Good luck with it all, you have the right to feel safe. x Birmingham and Solihull Women’s Aid Domestic Abuse Helpline
0808 800 0028
www.bswaid.org

NHS personnel are not allowed to look up your personal details and give them to anyone. They have access because of their job and to do that job. Yes they would be dismissed if they gave those details to anyone else.

You sound very worried. Go to your GP and report your concerns. Get them on your record.

Then get a non molestation order. People like your father do not stop, they just pressurise and terrify others to do their bidding. It isolates you from your support and attacks your mental health. Getting a non molestation order will protect you and your friends and family.

Nobody in social services will pay any attention to him if it is on record that he is a mad, harassing arsehole. If your mental health suffers and this is on record, they are much more likely to care if your children are affected.

Wise up - this man has already told you what he will do. Think bigger and cut off those sources of supply he has and make sure than when he does get officials involved that he looks like the horrible loon he is.

Best of luck.

She absolutely cannot reveal any of your personal details to a third party. The GDPR regulations that came in last year mean that no identifying data can be shared, that's name, address, email, phone number and a whole host of other data without your consent. For the worst breaches, organisations can be fined up to a maximum of 4% of the global annual turnover!

Do you live far from your mum? If not, is it absolutely necessary to change your address on your medical records and just keep them as your mums/old home address?

She absolutely cannot reveal any of your personal details to a third party

Ok that’s good to know. The thing is the way they tried to get around this was by pretending I’m crazy and they were contacting social services. The whole thing is absolute sick. No I don’t have children for anyone asking, he had assaulted me and I had markings etc and told him i was reporting him to the Police and this was his way of getting “revenge”.

The only reason they couldn’t do this is because I don’t have where I am staying registered as my official adddress but I know I’ll have to change it one day :(

I’m so glad I made this thread it’s really hit home how abnormal and abusive this behaviour is. He literally thinks there’s nothing wrong with him.

My issue with going to the Police is I wouldn’t want him knowing about it as I don’t want to aggravate him. He’s a very vengeful person. For now I’m on his good side (ish) and we aren’t texting each other, when I was on his bad side that’s when he was going mental trying to find his address.

I wish we lived in a world where we could go to the Police and be safe but our system is a bit of a joke especially to stalking victims even in serious incidents. Would I be able to report him doing all these things to me but him not be notified? I just don’t want to start anything but I do want this on record if that makes sense

Also I’m worried I could be in trouble for lying about my address which technically I am but there’s no way on gods green earth I am registering this address if there’s a chance he’d find it

Unless it's for the purposes of fraud, such as avoiding council tax, claiming of benefits, etc, you won't be in trouble at all. And you can absolutely get a non molestation order, as then, if by some miracle or criminal act, they managed to find out your address or kicked off at your mother's, one call to the police and he's kicking the bars of a cell.

Have you considered using a different surname? That might make you feel safer, too.

OP have you got your post redirected from your mother's to your current address? If so you may wish to set up a redirection service. https://www.royalmail.com/personal/receiving-mail/redirectionn_

You can set up a redirect for 3, 6 or 12 months.

I’m just in such a dark place. Before all this happened and I was NC I had a happy life and I regret so much being guilted into seeing him. Just a reminder if you are NC don’t be guilted into seeing someone you probably have a very good reason to be NC from.
He attached my sister a few years ago and cracked her ribs and did the same thing, said she was crazy and wanted to get her sectioned. I’m just so unhappy and I don’t want to make him more malicious towards me if I report him.

Do you really think that the threat of having you sectioned is real? (Genuine question)

You are an adult, holding down a job and a relationship, contributing to society and as far as I know without a record.

Do you really think that someone could just go and say ‘she is mental and needs locking up’ that the authorities will go ‘oh yes, this person must be right, quick, lock them up’

Basically you are giving this threat way way way too much power over you life. It’s an empty threat which is working.

It’s has no weight and you shouldn’t give it power over you.