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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to tell if he is into me ?

32 replies

Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 08:44

Will try not to blab on but another dating post to add 😌 so been OLD a few months now , been on numerous dates but never felt the spark until I got chatting to what seemed to be like a genuine guy , we chatted on the phone a few times . Then stupidly I got a bit tipsy after some horrible news and he called me and said he was happy to keep me company 😵woops and yes it did happen , the funny thing was I said to him the next morning "hmm spose I won't hear from you again now" in a jokey way which he was surprised about . Any way he did keep in regular contact but I continued to date others , until one day he said he really wanted to see me so I spent the night there . Since then we have spent the last two.weekends together , he has met a couple of my mates and told them he really likes me and I'm a lovely person. He even told me also.
When he got home last night he txt to say thank.you for the lovely weekend he loves spending time with me. I'm not sure if it's just on his part or if he really does like me , any input would be greatly received 😌

OP posts:
Mainie · 09/04/2019 08:48

I would not be impressed with a man who comes over to a clearly drunk woman’s house — especially one he’s never actually met, and who has been drinking after getting bad news — and has sex with her. What decent human being does that?

ColdFrame · 09/04/2019 10:14

I think he sounds creepy. Who comes over to a drunk, upset woman's house and has sex with her as a 'first date'?

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 10:22

Tbh I totally get where u are coming from totally , but we had spoken on the phone nearly every night for a few weeks, we get on so well now , he even held my hand when we got a cab 😍 even my ex would never do that

OP posts:
LaughingCow99 · 09/04/2019 10:27

I don't think it's creepy. You could have said don't come over. Spending two weekends with you seems promising. All you can do is enjoy it for a while and see if you want to be exclusive

Don't overthink it. He could fall off the radar tomorrow or he could be in for something serious. Time will tell

ColdFrame · 09/04/2019 10:28

But you still hadn't met in person, had you? So you're pissed and upset from your bad news, he 'happens' to phone and suggests keeping you company, and wham you're having sex? Even leaving aside issues of consent, and assuming that you were of sound mind, I think that's very poor behaviour.

In his shoes, I would not want the first time I slept with a new person whom I liked to be when they were drunk and upset, and probably not thinking clearly.

MollysLips · 09/04/2019 10:34

he even held my hand when we got a cab

It's strange how, these days, holding hands is considered more intimate and committed than sex.

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 10:51

Ok yes I totally get where you are coming from and I know it sounds worse then it is , but although I was tipsy I was aware what I was doing, hence the comment saying I suppose I won't hear from u again , and he was like why on Earth would you say that !? But looking at it I've had dates where nothing happened and they filter out and u never hear again. I'm finding it all very confusing . I did also overhear him on the phone (he thought I was asleep) saying to a mate "I will ask her if she wants to come along , yea she is here now but asleep , she is lovely and really down to earth " 🤭

OP posts:
recall · 09/04/2019 10:53

I’d say he’s definitely into you . He sounds lovely ...just enjoy him

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 10:58

I'm trying to keep my cool , never chase him , I wait for him to txt. I also had an eating disorder which can come and go meaning I don't eat enough some days , he is really good and makes sure I've eaten something

OP posts:
ColdFrame · 09/04/2019 11:01

Stuck, you sound quite vulnerable. You are latching onto casual compliments and the fact that a man you've just started seeing held your hand in a cab. You refer to an ex who wouldn't have held your hand in a cab. Are you sure you're in the right place for a relationship?

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 11:13

I think so , I don't want anything really really heavy though , just see how it goes , sorry if I come accross like that , it's more because I've been on quite a few dates and all seemed to be after one thing , which I refused to give so they fizzled out , or some there was no chemistry , so this seems like something that may possibly work

OP posts:
ColdFrame · 09/04/2019 11:18

I've been on quite a few dates and all seemed to be after one thing , which I refused to give so they fizzled out

But you slept with this guy the first time you met him, and then didn't see him again until you went to his place and slept with him for the second time. That sounds fairly sex-focused too,...?

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 11:26

I Know It totally does and as an outsider must sound crazy 😣

OP posts:
LaughingCow99 · 09/04/2019 11:31

Did you rush into sex because you want a partner and thought this may be a way to keep him interested? Not judging, just trying to work out what may be going on.

baileys6904 · 09/04/2019 11:36

Well if you didn't feel shit before, you may well do now, after reading some of these responses...

Anyway.

Are u happy? Does he make you smile? Do you enjoy the time you have spent together? Were you a consenting adult?

If yes to the above, then I think you're doing ok. He does seem like he likes you and wants to spend more time with you. Will it last, who knows? Enjoy the time, as long as he is bringing happiness into your life, then who cares

MashedSpud · 09/04/2019 11:36

I wouldn’t see it as anything serious yet. Wait until you’ve had the exclusive chat, especially since any heart ache may trigger your ed.

Enjoy it and him.

ColdFrame · 09/04/2019 11:39

It doesn't sound 'crazy', as long as you're enjoying yourself and feel happy and in control of the situation, OP. You just sound vulnerable, you mentioned an ED, and you've come on the internet to ask a bunch of strangers whether the man you've just started dating likes you.

Just take care of yourself.

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 11:40

Yes it was consented , and no I actually didn't do it thinking he would stick around hence the comment I made saying I suppose I won't hear from u again , but I did , he txt me the next day , we do enjoy each other's company yes , but I don't want to rush into anything yet ....

OP posts:
morewashingtodooo · 09/04/2019 12:10

Do you feel that lucky that he did stay around? Is this how you dream of your next relationship?
If you ex did this to a women, wouldn't you think the women was desperate and him being a love bombing creep?
Of course it could all work out, but by the sounds of it, your rushing in to having regular sex with someone you don't know.
So you have fun together and he's nice and holds your hand, well it's been like a month, they don't act like dicks straight away until you look back in a couple of months time and realise there were red flags.

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 12:13

Oh of course , I'm just going to do as other posters have said and take it slowly

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 12:23

I've no idea , its hard sorting the genuine from the creeps

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 09/04/2019 13:06

1/ have sex whenever you feel.like it, with the right person it will have 0% baring on anything.
2/ he sounds like he cares about you, there is nothing negative to be taken from this (only in MN world)
3/ no expectations, see how it grows 😊

Azuresea · 09/04/2019 13:10

Has he taken you on dates?

Sunshineandflipflops · 09/04/2019 13:14

I slept with someone for the first time after drinking most of the afternoon/evening. I wasn't 'drunk' but I was tipsy and I don't feel I was taken advantage of. Mind you, we had been out together drinking so...!

Original poster
Stuckinmymind · 09/04/2019 13:22

We don't really go out out because we are both a bit tight on cash so normally chill and watch a film , grab a take away or we go for a drive etc

OP posts:
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