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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Slept with someone during break up

29 replies

Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 01:08

A year ago I sleep with someone when my partner and I broke up, we broke up due to finding texts from another women which were hidden and broke up for a month. Fast fwd a year later we are together and so happy. Problem is I never told him what happened when we broke up, he never asked so I didn't tell but I am starting to feel incredibly guilty and I don't know how to deal with it. Its been well over a year now since this happened but I cant help but constantly cant stop thinking about it. Any advice would be great? I don't know if I'm overthinking it all. Please no negative.

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 09/04/2019 01:10

If he knows nothing say nothing. It will do nothing to help your relationship. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you were not together.

To say something now will only break up your relationship.

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 01:17

I guess I worry one day of he finds out, or someone tells him. It eats me up inside and I feel like a terrible person.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 09/04/2019 01:28

You weren't together at the time. Leave it be.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2019 02:51

Telling him would be a massive mistake and completely pointless. You were single. You have nothing to feel guilty about. And BTW, he was the one actually cheating on YOU. That's why you broke up.

Alicewond · 09/04/2019 02:54

It’s likely he was with other people during your break too. You were both single. You can move on or look back now

Sadiesnakes · 09/04/2019 03:32

Why are you feeling guilty when he was the one cheating?

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 03:39

I guess because I never told him, feel like I started the relationship back on a lie.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 09/04/2019 03:42

Do you want to hear he slept with other people too? Sometimes not telling the truth but starting afresh is better? If this doesn’t work for you then have a heart to heart

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2019 03:43

You haven't lied about a damn thing. What you did when you were single is none of his business. Honestly, you are making a problem for yourself when there isn't one.

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 03:43

and in that month, we never spoke once. I ended up after finding messages and I thought it was over. I was a mess and wish I didn't do what I did. I was not myself and made a mistake by sleeping with that other person.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2019 03:44

Let. It. Go.

Alicewond · 09/04/2019 03:46

Shake it out now and stop sounding pathetic! You are better than this

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 03:47

I dont care what he did when we broke up and tbh I dont want to know. I know I am making a problem in my head, I just had no one to talk to about it and thought be nice to hear others opinions

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 03:48

Not at all trying to be pathetic, just felt general guilt and fear if it came to the surface one day.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 09/04/2019 03:51

You’ve heard, you don’t care if he cheated, so accept and move on (and please get some kind of self help therapy)

Singlenotsingle · 09/04/2019 03:55

Forget it. Just forget it. There's no point creating trouble for yourself where none exists.

StarlightLady · 09/04/2019 04:17

So you had broken up, therefore single and you had sex with (why do people say slept with?) someone? No big deal and nothing to do with anyone else.

It’s time to move on from any needless guilt.

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 04:25

Its not what I did when single, its that I didnt relay that info when i got back with my ex.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 09/04/2019 04:30

Then wake him up and tell him!

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 04:43

Thanks Alicewond for the positive advice. If I tell him now he will leave me and that not what I want. I was trying to relieve some of the guilt buy talking to others. And for the mental help, I do see someone thank you for your care and consideration.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 09/04/2019 04:49

If you want honesty and a proper relationship it’s the only way to go, it will come out eventually. You didn’t cheat, you slept with someone whilst broken up. But without honestly you’ll never move on

Bemusedagain · 09/04/2019 05:12

Who did you sleep with? Is it anyone that either of you know or a random stranger? If it’s a random then just leave it. You were broken up due to his messaging other women so it’s tit for tat, eye for an eye, all debts paid. Done. End of. You are self sabotaging. You don’t owe him a blow by blow when you weren’t together. You are over investing and over thinking. Leave it. If it’s a mutual friend then that’s different.

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 05:14

Bemusedagain thank you, thank you, thank you. It was someone he doesn't know. A stranger.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/04/2019 05:18

He'd leave you over the fact you had sex with someone else while you weren't together?!

Op, your relationship is really out of balance. He's the one who cheated but you're the one terrified of being broken up with. Your self esteem has taken a battering. You might find you'd feel better about yourself if you did end the relationship. I hope you're working on your self esteem with your counsellor/therapist.

Original poster
Jasmine24 · 09/04/2019 05:19

Category12 I have been, thank you. Your words were very kind x

OP posts: