Great first date, but is this a reason for no second date

[mumhasanicebum]

I've been talking to someone a few days who I met online dating, we spoke on the phone and really got along well and decided to book a date in. We went for lunch and drinks at a lovely country pub he picked, which was between both of our locations. Conversation flowed easily, we laughed and felt very comfortable in each other companies by the time lunch finished. We decided to sit outside by the canal and chat with a bit more privacy. I felt relaxed enough to tell him about my difficult breakup with my ex and he said as I shared that with him that he wanted to share something with me. He told me that he had a restraining order on him from his ex girlfriend. He said that they had rented a house together and things went bad very quickly, she left and he had to sort out all the money. He admitted he contacted her repeatedly about money owed on the property and ignored a warning from the police as he was massively out of pocket. He said he did a program through the courts which has helped him see he was in the wrong and shouldn't of harassed her for the money. He was happy to admit he was wrong and it's taught him a lot and something he was ashamed of. He wanted to be honest and understood why I might not see him again. I couldn't see any other red flags and he does seem like a gentleman. I don't know what to do now.

Repeated contact about a debt could easily be classified as harassment.

Op said the guy said he had to go through a programme that was ordered by the court. If it was just phone calls then what programme would he have been ordered to do?

The type of bloke who wouldn’t shit themselves at getting a warning off the police are not the type of bloke you would want a relationship with.

@headinhands the RO is a standalone order and would not have any courses attached to it. If he's been ordered to do a course, that indicates a conviction as he will most likely have been ordered to do a course as part of a community order sentence . The exaxt course will be down to the Probation Service but is likely to be something like Building Better Relationships. The point though is that a conviction could still be based purely on phone calls about debt if they are considered to meet the legal definition of harassment. There doesnt have to be more to it like others seem to think.

It was a BBR course and he had to do community service. He was upfront about it, but given my previous partner being an abusive twat I just can't ignore my gut. It's really interesting to see everyone's response though and helped me out just conforming my worries .

Run a mile!!

Your reaction was appropriate and you were not overreacting.

Yes, perhaps there's a small chance that it wasn't that bad because restraining orders are surprisingly common, or that his ex really was all sorts of wrong and left him with a huge unjust debt... but you'd never know that the story went as he told it. It would forever play on your mind, wondering if the abuse was lurking just around the corner. There are plenty of men without restraining orders out there so why take a dangerous risk with one that does, especially as someone who has found yourself in an abusive relationship before - you need peace of mind.

Good call OP.