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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I stay or should I go?

44 replies

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 06/04/2019 23:25

I am so conflicted. My H just came home and shouted at me that the place was a mess (I left all the dishes I washed draining on the draining board & I left clothes during on the radiator for speed because the heat was on. He has repeatedly asked me not to put clothes on radiators but I just find it handy). Anyhow, he was very aggressive and I can't stand the way he expresses himself.

Pros= security. I care deeply about him. He'd never cheat. He works. He's a decent guy.
Cons= we haven't had sex in months. When he's annoyed, he has no handle on his emotions. I have nowhere to live. We are only married a year.

I know. A mess, right?

Any thoughts or advice? Kind words only please Confused xxx

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 06/04/2019 23:28

Go! He sounds awful.

Sohardtochooseausername · 06/04/2019 23:30

Go

Sohardtochooseausername · 06/04/2019 23:32

Kind words - because I understand how you need kind words. There must be somewhere you can go. If you don’t have children there must be somewhere you can go. A friend, a relative, a rented room... life is too short to spend it with people who are not nice.

Potatonose · 06/04/2019 23:33

Is he usually like this?

Singlenotsingle · 06/04/2019 23:35

Why not put clothes on radiators? I do it all the time! Anyway how much does he pay you to be a housekeeper, subject to his instructions? Controlling git! It looks like you might have made a mistake marrying this one OP.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 06/04/2019 23:40

He finds it embarrassing but the thing is I always make sure there aren't clothes on radiators if we have people over. I personally think it makes sense but he doesn't.

As for 'is he always like this?', he can react quite strongly.

I've no family nearby to move in with ... I'm in my late 30s. A rented room doesn't seem ideal but might be my best bet?!

I'm so embarrassed.

OP posts:
keepingspiritsup · 06/04/2019 23:58

If he's asked you not to do it repeatedly I can understand why he's annoyed you keep doing it?? obviously that's why he's lost his temper? Might sound trivial but it's the little things that can sometimes tip you over the edge (and I hate it when DH dries on radiators in the house when we have a washing line outside) x

Sohardtochooseausername · 07/04/2019 00:00

Don’t be embarrassed. Everyone makes mistakes. I was with a cheating emotional abuser who I didn’t admit was making my life a misery for a long time. I felt stupid for being duped by him for so long. But people here and in real life helped me to see that it was him and not me who was in the wrong.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 07/04/2019 00:16

Thanks for your messages.

I know it annoys him so I suppose I shouldn't do it but I think it might be a symptom of more. He doesn't listen to me about the big things & I have to spell everything out to him. I actually said this morning, 'if this doesn't improve, I will leave' but I don't have the luxury of losing my temper every time he does something that bothers me!

OP posts:
BlueSaphire · 07/04/2019 00:19

You say he is a decent guy....he sounds like a bully to me.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 07/04/2019 00:23

@BlueSaphire

I think he can be a bully & quite childish but he's also just really bad with emotion & he doesn't know how to stay calm. I actually feel sorry for him. It's a mess. I actually know I shouldn't have married him & I kind of regret it. Confused

OP posts:
BlueSaphire · 07/04/2019 00:38

Would he go to anger management classes or something similar?
Marriages do have to be worked at if you both think there is something there that's worth sticking with.
But no one should feel bullied in a relationship.

Good luck.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 07/04/2019 08:14

I've asked him countless times to go to anger management or counselling ...

I know. I probably need to work at it a bit more.

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 07/04/2019 09:08

Which one of you doesn't want sex? Him, you, or both?

My EXH didn't want sex and it turned me into a nasty bitch, but only to him.

lifebegins50 · 07/04/2019 09:18

but he's also just really bad with emotion & he doesn't know how to stay calm

If he is 30s then he is unlikely to change and unless you are a counsellor I doubt you have the skills to fix him.
This isn't about the clothes on radiator (as it was also dishes on the drainer) as most rational people would not react like that. He wants to dominate. He can express his view but who made him the judge on what is acceptable, many people dry clothes on radiators.
Start a journal of incidents and it will help you understand how often this happens.
Usually there is a cycle, anger, sulking, silent treatment followed by nicer treatment. The cycle lasted a week with Ex but that felt like a lifetime so I walked on eggshells.

TheStoic · 07/04/2019 09:20

But he's also just really bad with emotion & he doesn't know how to stay calm

So he also has tantrums at work, with friends, with family, in public?

TheStuffedPenguin · 07/04/2019 09:21

If he's asked you not to do it repeatedly I can understand why he's annoyed you keep doing it?? obviously that's why he's lost his temper? Might sound trivial but it's the little things that can sometimes tip you over the edge (and I hate it when DH dries on radiators in the house when we have a washing line outside)

You must be fucking joking !

Singlenotsingle · 07/04/2019 09:48

If he's asked you not to do it repeatedly wtf! What is he, her parent? Biscuit

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2019 09:59

"I've asked him countless times to go to anger management or counselling ... I know. I probably need to work at it a bit more".

This was never about leaving clothes on a radiator. This is really about him being abusive. Such men do not readily attend counselling sessions and joint counselling with him is a complete non starter. Counselling for you alone would be more beneficial because you need to talk freely in a calm and safe environment.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, how is it that you are here with this man now?. Your relationship bar is set so very low here and what you write re pros is the barest of bare minimums.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. Something is keeping you still with this person, what is it?. And he has not left because he likes having you around to rule over you.

The fact that you've already asked him more than once to go to AM is really concerning too. He in all likelihood does not have an anger management problem at all. He has a problem with anger, your anger, when you call him out on his unreasonable behaviours.

What is there really to work at?. There is nothing to work at here, this is who he is. You are not his therapist and besides which he cannot be fixed. You've already stated that you "actually know I shouldn't have married him & I kind of regret it". Why did you two marry at all?. You should not have married him and now you will ultimately need to divorce him.

PicsInRed · 07/04/2019 10:11

Pros= security.

Where is the security of you lock yourself inside the house at night with an angry shouting man?

I care deeply about him.

That doesn't seem to be reciprocated.

He'd never cheat.

You can't know that, and the fact that he is so aggressive and disrespectful towards you makes it less likely he is faithful - fidelity is a marker of respect and lived care for someone and this guy doesn't respect or care for you.

He works.

So he should.

He's a decent guy.

No, he's a disrespectful bully.

Cons= we haven't had sex in months. When he's annoyed, he has no handle on his emotions. We are only married a year.

No sex and only married a year. Have seen this before on mumsnet and IRL. Is he avoiding (making excuses, including blaming your "behaviour") sex?

I have nowhere to live.

Do you have family you could go to? I wonder if he chose you due to your vulnerability and inability to escape once he showed you his true self.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 07/04/2019 11:55

Thanks for all of the messages. I'm not sure why I find it so hard to swallow that he's 'abusive.' Maybe it's because none of my friends or family would in a million years believe the reality of our lives. In fact, I think I'm probably the one who comes across more dominant when we're in company but it's a completely different dynamic in our private life.

My H is a lovely guy sometimes but he said last night he finds me impossible to live with and he said maybe I don't care about the house because of my upbringing. He wants things his way in the house. I've told him countless times that I'm open to adult discussion about it but what happens is he shouts and then often leaves the room. He tidies and cleans the kitchen on his days off and expects to come home to the same standard. But the thing is I do a lot of other things (shopping, baking, cooking) that he doesn't.

To answer why I married him, we have a long history and as a result are quite attached to one another. I love and care about him. Also, I really thought we had turned a corner at the time we got engaged and that we'd have a baby.

I'm mostly the reason we don't have sex because I don't want to get pregnant and cannot go on oral contraceptives. I also just don't feel like being physically intimate with him beyond cuddles and caresses. We rarely kiss passionately. It's hard to know if we're at the point of no return or if we should work at it. We can get on quite well at times.

He has lost his temper with others in the past but much less frequently -- it happened in work, on nights out etc. but in the past few years, I seem to be the only one who angers him to that extent and he seems in control elsewhere.

I cannot believe what a mess I'm in. How on earth am I going to get myself out of this?

My family live too far away to move in with.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2019 12:15

Re your comments in quote marks,

"Thanks for all of the messages. I'm not sure why I find it so hard to swallow that he's 'abusive.' Maybe it's because none of my friends or family would in a million years believe the reality of our lives. In fact, I think I'm probably the one who comes across more dominant when we're in company but it's a completely different dynamic in our private life".

Perhaps you think that abuse is just physical or that is what you've been led to believe. However, as you as seeing abuse is not just physical in nature. He does not have to hit you (yet) to hurt you but when he thinks that what he is doing now does not work, then he may change tactics again. He is doing this really because he can. You are still there. Some abusive men like outwardly strong women but inwardly with a shaky sense of boundaries in relationships and low self esteem/poor self worth because they see them as a challenge to bring down.

Abuse and it is this thrives on secrecy. I would try to start opening up to more people about what he is like at home.

"My H is a lovely guy sometimes but he said last night he finds me impossible to live with and he said maybe I don't care about the house because of my upbringing. He wants things his way in the house. I've told him countless times that I'm open to adult discussion about it but what happens is he shouts and then often leaves the room. He tidies and cleans the kitchen on his days off and expects to come home to the same standard. But the thing is I do a lot of other things (shopping, baking, cooking) that he doesn't."

What was your upbringing like, was it stable or chaotic?. What sort of an example did your parents show you?. He is basically projecting his own self hate onto you; HE is the one who is impossible to live with and he cannot at all do adulting in any form. Trying to have a conversation with him about this will continue to be impossible. Such men hate women too, all of them.

"To answer why I married him, we have a long history and as a result are quite attached to one another. I love and care about him. Also, I really thought we had turned a corner at the time we got engaged and that we'd have a baby".

It seems too that you are stuck on the sunken costs fallacy (re your reference to long history). What you forget here is that the damage has already been done.

Are you really confusing love with codependency here?. His words and actions towards you are neither loving or caring. What you do not want to do is spend the next 3-5 years unsuccessfully trying to figure him out because you won't. This is who he is - an abuser of you. From your last sentence too, the writing was on the wall at that time but you minimised this. Why did you do that?. Would you really want a child by him now, no. Please do not bring a child into your relationship.

"I'm mostly the reason we don't have sex because I don't want to get pregnant and cannot go on oral contraceptives. I also just don't feel like being physically intimate with him beyond cuddles and caresses. We rarely kiss passionately. It's hard to know if we're at the point of no return or if we should work at it. We can get on quite well at times".

Your relationship bar is soo very low here that it is practically non existent. Why have you settled really here for this little, is this because you believe you do not deserve any better treatment?.

""He has lost his temper with others in the past but much less frequently -- it happened in work, on nights out etc. but in the past few years, I seem to be the only one who angers him to that extent and he seems in control elsewhere".

This is the nature of an abusive man and he is using you to blame for all his inherent ills. There are red flags a plenty re him anyway. What are his parents like OP, have a close look at their relationship.

"I cannot believe what a mess I'm in. How on earth am I going to get myself out of this?"

By divorcing him and working on your own self going forward so that you never fall for, let alone go onto marry, such an abusive manchild again. The Freedom Programme by Womens Aid is definitely something you should also consider doing.

My family live too far away to move in with.

Nevertoolatetochangeyourmind · 07/04/2019 12:49

Thanks, Attila. There's a lot to digest there. I'm not sure people would believe me or even think H is capable of abuse. He does seem to have a great deal of anger inside. When I brought this up with him before, he said I drive him to temper and that I'd drive any man to temper... He does apologise afterwards but I'm beginning to wonder if the apologies matter at all anymore.

I'm just so scared at the thoughts of moving in to a bloody house-share at my age and everyone knowing my marriage broke down after one measly year!

As for self-esteem, unfortunately it's diabolically low. I've been seeing a therapist about this and I really want to address this.

Right now, I can't imagine ever being with another if H and I break up.

OP posts:
user1479305498 · 07/04/2019 13:25

You don’t want sex because a fair amount of the time he is a bit of an arse!! Some women easily separate the top but a fair old few women can’t separate (me for 1) don’t blame yourself for that

keepingspiritsup · 07/04/2019 13:48

To answer a couple of posters - nope not joking with my reply and no he isn't her parent HOWVER there are an infinite number of posts on MN from women who are angered by the littlest thing their DH does/doesn't do but that's ok apparently

I get pissed off and angry with my DH when he doesn't do/does something I constantly ask him not to do - doesn't matter how trivial - but apparently that's ok because I'm a woman - doesn't make me or OPs DH an abuser (in this instance)