Blowing me off or playing hard to get?

[Alexander1993]

Long story short: I go to the same health club as this girl I’ve been dating. I went up to her, introduced myself and we talked for 45 minutes. Ever since then we have been talking daily (one text a day on average) and been on two great dates. The first was a four hour lunch date and the second a dinner date after a talk we both went to and we were the last to leave the restaurant.

She told me, after the last date, that it was “such a great evening”. I had every reason to think it was going very well and hoped it would become something.

It’s now Saturday at 2:30pm. I last sent her a text at 10:30pm on Thursday which she read inbox friday at about 10pm. I’ve seen her since at our health club and she didn’t talk to me. She may have been busy but why not reply to the text or even acknowledge me?

What is going on? Everything up to this point has been great.

OK. Just ponder this. You own your happiness. Nobody else. Whatever happens with this girl, or another don't ever let them make You feel like crap because of their actions, whatever their intent.

If someone messes you around, don't let it upset you. Treat them with the indifference it deserves. Keep your standards high and expect yo be treated how you would treat someone. Take it from someone who's been there, got the t shirt :)

I thought it was American because it's .com not .co.uk

I wouldn't say she's a cow. She could have texted me but maybe she just didn't want to appear too keen. Don't know. But yes what treacletoots said is true.

I can't let myself get cut up about stuff like this. I fall too easily for girls when they're my type. Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post!

Life's too short for games. If she's into you, she'll let you know in her own way.

Exactly and that's what I am thinking she has been doing. I think she maybe went through some trauma beforehand (based on the type of stuff she posts on her social media.. quotes etc) which could have been a prior relationship.

She may be someone who finds people attractive only after getting to know them. I tend to be like that now with some exceptions (she being one but looks to me are increasingly secondary as I care far more about the person now).

Time will tell. As said, I will keep you all updated since you very all kindly have put the effort in to respond to me!

To put it kindly you are overthinking everything here and certainly over
invested after a couple of dates. Do not put all your eggs in one basket, dating is supposed to be fun.

What I mean is that we were brought up in the same way and with the same social etiquette and standards which, obviously, not everyone upholds.

I'm sorry, what? Who was you raised by? Jane Austin in the 1800's? And to say she wouldn't kiss you after two dates as she respects herself, and being British, what? Are you being serious?

Women who respect themselves can kiss on the first date, women who respect themselves can sleep with a man on the first date. You seem to have strange hang ups there with what you believe a woman should be.

You also seem weirdly invested here. Like too much. You barely know this woman and you couldn't sleep as she hadn't replied.

Even on here you are coming over too heavy, perhaps she picked up on that and that's why she's cooled off?
A lot of women I know do similar and it's not mind games, they have had men turn aggressive or overbearing towards them when they've told the men no. Sometimes going silent is just easier for them with certain men.

"She could have texted me but maybe she just didn't want to appear too keen. Don't know"

Hold your horses a second, who the hell are you to make assumptions on why she didn't text you?

How old are you again?

If I was her I'd be running as fast as I can in the opposite direction from you, you have made a hell of a lot of assumptions on this lady

Back the fuck off

I think you're a bit too obsessed with her. You seem to know her schedule pretty well and way too much from her social media.

Did you go to the talk because she was going?

I am thinking that she thinks of you as a friend more so than a romantic partner.

It’s not playing hard to get, it’s avoiding a weird stalker, it’s self preservation

OP what people say & do is wildly different. I've had men say that they didn't want to sleep with me as we were getting into bed! My ex said he wanted to 'play the field' for the first time & seconds later he had a New serious girlfriend!

Judge people by their actions and in this case - she doesn't sound keen. You can ask her for a drink but prepare yourself if she knocks you back

Often the people who sound the most mature and well developed are the ones still stuck in their old patterns. Real change to get what you want is hard & has to be committed to. Sounds like she has the lines but it's just lip service - she doesn't want what you want

I’ve seen her since at our health club and she didn’t talk to me

Because shes not interested, your showing yourself up OP.

We're going out on a third date. She suggested dinner. Misjudged before.

Thanks to those of you with constructive comments. To the few others...

Case over.

Aww man I just peeled my way though three pages when I could have just looked at the last post! 😁

Glad you're going on another date. In future my advice is don't overthink, and if you want to see somebody again, just ask them out again. If you miss somebody who hasn't been in touch, just reach out. Not to a point that you're a stalker, but from one not replied to message its fine to send another.

Don't sweat it.

Christ God help her. Don't jump to conclusions, don't think you can read her mind, the list goes on

Totally agree about overthinking.

I think a lot of it came from my last relationship which was really emotionally abusive so I guess I have 'baggage' but I am glad I have dealt with it now without her knowing. I am far more chilled now!

Thank you again :)

I think you have other baggage too, about how you believe women should be acting.

Having respect for yourself is nothing to do with kissing a man on the first or second date and if you believe it is, you have more baggage with your attitudes towards women.

Something tells me you'll be posting that she's ghosted you again in a week.

From reading your posts full of angst it is clear you still have many issues and your head is in no place to start a new relationship. Be on your own for a set period of time, forget about dating and just enjoy you.

I would be cautious...

I don’t think you misjudged it at all. I don’t think she’s that into you.

Okay so you’re going on another date, cool. For the love of god please don’t ask her what she wants from this on a third date like you suggested you might do earlier. You’re really weirdly overinvested in this woman for two dates in. Just go with the flow for a bit. You’re hanging onto every little sign trying to interpret it and worrying about it and it’s frankly a bit creepy, tbh.

I really have to say though OP:

Maybe next date we will kiss. It’ll have more meaning that way. I’m romantic. And I think she respects herself which is great.

What the fuck? What does this mean? How does whether she kisses you or not have any relation to her self respect? It’s such a non sequitur but you said it for a reason... what do you mean?

Do you have some kind of weird ideas about how women who fuck on a first date don’t respect themselves? Why?

It reeks of slut shaming and like you think whether a woman respects herself or not is proportional to when she decides to engage in sexual intimacy. I’m hoping I’ve misinterpreted the sentence I quoted because if I’m not wrong and you’re honestly suggesting that kissing or shagging before an arbitrary timeframe means a lack of self respect then you have some real issues with women to work through and shouldn’t be dating at all until you have.