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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Blowing me off or playing hard to get?

70 replies

Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 14:32

Long story short: I go to the same health club as this girl I’ve been dating. I went up to her, introduced myself and we talked for 45 minutes. Ever since then we have been talking daily (one text a day on average) and been on two great dates. The first was a four hour lunch date and the second a dinner date after a talk we both went to and we were the last to leave the restaurant.

She told me, after the last date, that it was “such a great evening”. I had every reason to think it was going very well and hoped it would become something.

It’s now Saturday at 2:30pm. I last sent her a text at 10:30pm on Thursday which she read inbox friday at about 10pm. I’ve seen her since at our health club and she didn’t talk to me. She may have been busy but why not reply to the text or even acknowledge me?

What is going on? Everything up to this point has been great.

OP posts:
concernedfellowmum · 06/04/2019 16:49

She was but maybe she's not now? If you e messaged her, she's ignored and she's made no attempt to talk to you, then leave her be.

TheVanguardSix · 06/04/2019 16:53

She’s already on a relationship, is my guess.

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 16:55

She isn’t. I know enough about her to guarantee she’s single. I think I may have misjudged it and she may just be waiting for me to ask her out again and maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me unless she thinks I’m going to ask her out again. That and / or she wants to slow it down. Not sure.

OP posts:
concernedfellowmum · 06/04/2019 16:57

You sound like you won't accept if she isn't into you anyway.

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 17:03

That’s not true. I will once I know for sure. I have reasons to doubt my earlier post. But time shall tell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 17:17

She just replied saying sorry for not replying and explaining that she has been super busy and that she saw me when she was running but I had left by the time she was looking for me. Wow... misjudged that indeed.

OP posts:
whiteteeth04 · 06/04/2019 17:23

She replied coincidentally after starting this thread? Or did you text her again?

It sounds to me like she likes you but doesn't fancy you. Maybe she's just keeping you dangling but isn't really interested in pursuing anything romantic. Why haven't you kissed yet?

I'm a bit older than you and can honestly say from experience that if someone likes you and is interested in pursuing a relationship with you, they make it very clear and they don't take days to message back.

LuckyLou7 · 06/04/2019 17:24

So it's all back on then? That's good. It's horrible when you think things have been going well and then you are given no explanation for why it's suddenly stopped. It was obviously a misunderstanding all along. Good luck!

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 17:46

We haven’t kissed because we are getting to know each other. We are, it seems, both quite proper like that. I know previously I’ve been too physical with girls too soon and I want to get to know her a bit first. Maybe next date we will kiss. It’ll have more meaning that way. I’m romantic. And I think she respects herself which is great.

I think she does fancy me. The way she looks at me etc suggests so. That’s why I was so taken aback when she was silent and She didn’t say anything to me. I guess she didn’t see me when I saw her before she was running.

As she has texted back, I’ll wait until our next date which will probably happen now and I’ll then kiss her. But honestly it has to be right. Also we are both British so we have, perhaps, different standards than other people for these things.

We also are part of the same social club so getting to know each other before doing anything physical is probably well advised.

OP posts:
trebless · 06/04/2019 17:46

If she really has just messaged you then that's great. But please just chill out. You do sound way too invested in this already. Just let it take its course and take it slowly. Good luck

SparklyMagpie · 06/04/2019 18:01

This is too weird and you need to chill the fuck out

stofi · 06/04/2019 18:07

You are both British? I'd hazard a guess that most posters on here are too.

What are these standards we are all supposed to possess? How intriguing.

whiteteeth04 · 06/04/2019 18:07

Also we are both British so we have, perhaps, different standards than other people for these things.

Eh? I'm British and also 'respect myself' and if I fancy a guy on a date, I'll kiss him. I hope
I'm wrong and you get together. But try to relax a bit. Being intense won't make her like you but it might scare her away.

LuckyLou7 · 06/04/2019 18:09

What does being British have anything to do with it? British people have different standards for these things? WTF? Confused

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 18:15

Fair enough with comments. Thought most people here were American. What I mean is that we were brought up in the same way and with the same social etiquette and standards which, obviously, not everyone upholds.

Thank you again for the advice

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 06/04/2019 19:58

Please please pick up your confidence and self respect from the floor and listen.

When someone shows you who they are. LISTEN. she's shown you very early on that you are NOT a priority. You never will be. When you're just starting dating you should only see the very best version of someone and this has a big red flag stuck on the middle.

You sound lovely BTW. Please find someone lovely too.

concernedfellowmum · 06/04/2019 20:14

Agree with treacletoots.

Boysey45 · 06/04/2019 20:22

Shes not interested, don't be overthinking it or sending her anymore messages. Shes telling you loud and clear all you need to know.

CitrusDreams · 06/04/2019 20:54

Be careful OP as girls who play a bit hot and cold sometimes just like the attention/ego stroke of a guy liking them but don't always have strong feelings for them.

I could be wrong though so no harm in trying :)

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 20:55

I’ve asked her out again. So if she says yes when we do meet up I’m going to ask her some questions but nothing too much and I’ll make a move on her too. So we shall see but I feel a lot better than I did earlier.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 06/04/2019 21:20

I'm glad she replied but I do think you need to chill a bit. Who is too busy to send a 30 sec text if they're keen? She may just be at the slightly interested but testing the waters point.

Treacletoots · 06/04/2019 21:35

Facepalm

Original poster
Alexander1993 · 06/04/2019 21:36

Yeah I know she could easily text to say she’s too busy but honestly sometimes people are just different. I’m not giving it any more thought. It is what it is. I’m just glad I don’t feel as awful as I did earlier.

OP posts:
Dieu · 06/04/2019 21:54

She's a cow. You're better off without her. There is no excuse for reprehensible behaviour such as this. A simple, polite 'thanks but no thanks' text would take minimal effort. No more than it must take to ignore you anyway!

shatteredandstressed · 06/04/2019 22:02

I am interested to know why you would you think most people are American when this is a British site?