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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend Deleted Me on Facebook for Being Honest

37 replies

mooneus · 05/04/2019 11:39

A couple of weeks ago I managed to get free tickets to a gig. I asked my friend to come along with me and she said she was up for it. I contacted her the day before to confirm plans and she started being a bit flaky, saying she may not be able to go because she has a deadline. The set alarms bells ringing in my head, as when you normally get a message like it means they won't be coming.

I tried last minute to find a replacement, but it was too short notice for anyone to come along. So I ended up not going. The worst thing is the friend who originally said she would come never contacted me to confirm she couldn't come. In theory I could have went to the venue and waited there for her and she wouldn't turn up.

That annoyed be a bit, so I decided I would stop making an active effort with this friend, but I would be polite if she contacted me. So a few weeks went by and she suddenly messages me 'Are you annoyed I didn't go to gig? I haven't heard from you in a while'.

So I was honest and replied with yes I was annoyed. She then replied with 'how can you be annoyed, you didn't pay for the ticket'. I was in work when she sent this message, so couldn't reply straight away. A few hours later I noticed she deleted me as a friend on Facebook. I thought there is no point in even trying to reply to her, she clearly doesn't see things from my side.

Just because the ticket was free, doesn't mean you can waste my time like that. I consider my time one of the most valuable things I can offer somebody, if they don't appreciate it then they can do one.

Has anyone else ever experienced a similar situation? I really would love to know why she thinks her response was ok. I can't make sense of it at all.

OP posts:
JimJamTimTam · 05/04/2019 12:09

I think being ashamed of your own behaviour can often lead to an overreaction. Possibly that’s what she’s done here. I’d leave it although suspect she’ll be in touch at some point again.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 05/04/2019 12:13

She was defensive from the off, and then deleted you before you had the chance to reply. She's actually done you a favour there because there are no subsequent words of yours that she can twist to make you look like the bad guy.....

As to why she acted like that: no idea. Basic rudeness?

category12 · 05/04/2019 12:38

You should have gone on your own.

But apart from that, she wasn't very nice and evidently not a real friend.

Thatnovembernight · 05/04/2019 12:57

Just because the ticket was free doesn’t mean you didn’t lose out. Some people might be fine with going to an event on their own but I wouldn’t like it. She didn’t give you enough time to find someone else to go so you missed out on something you wanted to do and we’re kind enough to share. I’d have been annoyed too.

crappyday2018 · 05/04/2019 13:05

Rude. Plain and simple. To not tell you in enough time to get someone else.
Its funny how some people are clearly in the wrong but just don't see it that way at all.

Ohyesiam · 05/04/2019 13:09

She’s either ashamed of herself or thinks that money is the only thing of value. I imagine it’s the first. Some people just can’t say sorry.

dontgobaconmyheart · 05/04/2019 13:45

Probably not the advice you want OP but any adult who flounces off and deletes someone on FB over this rather than having a conversation like a proper person, is not someone I would want to be friends with anyway. Its just embarrassing. I wouldn't think on it any further. The clues as to why she thinks it's ok and why she was rude and let you down are right in front of you- she's inconsiderate, immature and petty. She's happy to let you down, then happy to make a statement and upset you by deleting you because she thinks you made her look bad and can't accept it's her that's the problem- Life's too short, spend time with fully functioning adults instead.

itsinchicago · 05/04/2019 14:03

Why didn't you go on your own?

bagpiss · 05/04/2019 14:42

Sounds like she's done you a favour, I'd block her now out of sheer pettiness so she can't message you again 😁

user1479305498 · 05/04/2019 15:29

That’s extremely petty, although I did delete someone I hadn’t seen for a long time for sharing quite nasty Brexit related stuff , decided I could do without old friends like that . To be honest anyone can suddenly find they can’t make a date but the way she went about it was poor form

Fedupofthisrubbish · 05/04/2019 15:51

God she sounds awful on multiple levels.

Guavaf1sh · 05/04/2019 16:08

I agree that an overreaction is usually a sign of shame or guilt

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/04/2019 16:15

She then replied with 'how can you be annoyed, you didn't pay for the ticket'.

This was her minimising her behaviour. She’s looking for ways to make her behaviour not as bad. She’s wrong. She was a shitty friend and if she didn’t want to hear that she shouldn’t have asked the question.

JenniferJareau · 05/04/2019 16:18

Tbh I'd have been annoyed at you as well, not enough to delete fb though.

You could have easily gone on your own to the concert and things do arise at work last minute. For you then to do the passive aggressive 'non communication' would piss me off.

DelphicOracle · 05/04/2019 17:53

Nope, dont agree with PP saying you were in the wrong. Jennifer - the point is - she didnt even confirm she couldnt go, so would have maybe left the OP standing outside not knowing where she was. No two ways about it - thats shit.

If you have to duck out (you shouldn't) but if you do, you then also have to accept the consequences of your behaviour's - ie people might think you've behaved like a dick and be pissed off.

People are allowed to be feel let down.

OP YANBU - she is petty to unfriend you ... but then I would most likely be petty back, and block her. So that when she comes out of her flounce and tries to refriend you, she cant find you.... but thats because Im a "one strike and you're out" kind of person.

Doesnt matter tix were free, she let you down, didnt have the courtesy to tell you, and then tried to blame you = shit friend

Eslteacher06 · 05/04/2019 18:03

Don't feel bad for her shitty behaviour. She asked you a question and you gave an honest answer. What more does she want?

Someone upset me greatly, and then they wondered why I backed off...they eventually asked me if I was upset and I said yes....all of a sudden I was the dick?! Don't have time for that kind of rubbish!

CampfiresAndBeer · 05/04/2019 19:18

Why didn't you go on your own?

gamerchick · 05/04/2019 19:24

Tbh I'd have been annoyed at you as well, not enough to delete fb though.

You're a flaky friend who doesn't even bother to cancel? Hmm

stacktherocks · 05/04/2019 20:14

She’s not a friend. A friend would apologise. A friend would, if they genuinely didn’t think they’d done anything wrong, speak to you more to talk it through and reach a conclusion. Because your feelings would be important to her.

You’ve not lost a front OP cos she was never a friend. She’s conveniently removed herself from your Facebook so you can just move on!

I tried others though, why didn’t you go to the gig anyway?

Latto · 05/04/2019 21:14

She sounds awful. Do yourself a favour and get rid of faceache.
It's total sh1te

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 05/04/2019 22:19

Go on your own

Original poster
mooneus · 05/04/2019 23:32

I could have went on my own, but I'm not very confident and would have felt very self-conscious on my own

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 06/04/2019 06:47

You're a flaky friend who doesn't even bother to cancel? hmm

No I am not Hmm. I would have gone and dealt with the deadline or cancelled as soon as I knew so OP could find someone else. However not everyone is like me and it sounds like op's friend can't cancel like a normal person by saying outright and just did the flaky thing and hoped she got the message. Op knows her friend so should know if she has form for this, if she did not, then 'alarm bell's would not have rung I suspect.

As soon as I heard the 'I might not make it' I would have pushed for an answer and if none came invited someone else.

Try and work on your self confidence op, life is too short to miss out on things you love just because no one will go with you.

TheVanguardSix · 06/04/2019 06:54

She should have told you in advance she wasn’t going.

You’re not in the wrong in the least.

And to be honest, I’d just leave it. It’s a friendship that probably needed to end.

DonaldTwain · 06/04/2019 07:10

I actually cannot believe there are people here having a go at the op for not going on her own.
When did MN become a magnet for crazy people?