Friend Deleted Me on Facebook for Being Honest

[mooneus]

A couple of weeks ago I managed to get free tickets to a gig. I asked my friend to come along with me and she said she was up for it. I contacted her the day before to confirm plans and she started being a bit flaky, saying she may not be able to go because she has a deadline. The set alarms bells ringing in my head, as when you normally get a message like it means they won't be coming.

I tried last minute to find a replacement, but it was too short notice for anyone to come along. So I ended up not going. The worst thing is the friend who originally said she would come never contacted me to confirm she couldn't come. In theory I could have went to the venue and waited there for her and she wouldn't turn up.

That annoyed be a bit, so I decided I would stop making an active effort with this friend, but I would be polite if she contacted me. So a few weeks went by and she suddenly messages me 'Are you annoyed I didn't go to gig? I haven't heard from you in a while'.

So I was honest and replied with yes I was annoyed. She then replied with 'how can you be annoyed, you didn't pay for the ticket'. I was in work when she sent this message, so couldn't reply straight away. A few hours later I noticed she deleted me as a friend on Facebook. I thought there is no point in even trying to reply to her, she clearly doesn't see things from my side.

Just because the ticket was free, doesn't mean you can waste my time like that. I consider my time one of the most valuable things I can offer somebody, if they don't appreciate it then they can do one.

Has anyone else ever experienced a similar situation? I really would love to know why she thinks her response was ok. I can't make sense of it at all.

Having a go is a bit unnecessary, indeed, but it's actually quite nice going to stuff on your own.

I'd have pushed for an answer as soon as she started dithering.
Do work at going on your own though, you can always leave if you hate it, I'm going to my third gig of the year tonight, and all three on my own because no one wanted to come or I could only get one ticket.

I wouldn't have gone alone either, op. It wouldn't be enjoyable for me to go to a gig alone.

“At least I have basic manners!”

I could have went on my own, but I'm not very confident and would have felt very self-conscious on my own

There’s a lot to be gained from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and doing things that make you anxious, especially if it’s getting in the way of you doing things you’d otherwise enjoy.

Book a gig to go to soon, on your own, and you’ll open a world of possibilities. Being able to go do things you want to without needing someone there beside you. I suspect one of the things that smarts so much about what happened with this ‘friend’ is that her going meant you ruled yourself out of going too. She was a dick but wouldn’t it have been great to have known you could go anyway and not be beholden to someone else?

I go to gigs on my own all the time btw as I go to so many I just sort my own ticket out and then meet up with friends there if they are going too, usually I know people so I’m not alone but sometimes I am on my own if nobody else can make it, and it’s great. It’s so freeing, to go and know you are there for the music and to enjoy your own company and not have to worry about someone else and whether they’re into it or not. I usually end up chatting to people in the queue as you already have stuff in common but if I don’t fancy that I just take my headphones and enjoy music while waiting or inside the venue. Nobody looks askance cos loads of people go alone so it’s just normal.

Is it something you want to get past and be able to do?

When did MN become a magnet for crazy people?

It isn’t, it’s probably just not in good faith. If you hang round long enough you’ll notice there are plenty of people who seem to enjoy finding any way to make something the OP’s fault, I guess they must get some kind of pleasure out of it or something.

Ignore the ‘why didn’t you go on your own’ brigade. You clearly didn’t want to, hence why you invited a friend to go with you. Yes, her behaviour was shitty and not acceptable. It’s irrelevant the ticket was free.

I get a few tickets free through work and have had this happen to me so many times!
First was tickets for a huge gig and like your friend they begged to go and then didn't bother telling me they weren't coming.

One begged for extra ticket for a theatre show for her child too. I managed to sort it and was left in the lurch hours before.

Even my Mum has done it!

Yanbu OP whether they are free or not. She should have at least told you.

When I was 13 a friend did this to me with Take That tickets because they had had a style change and she didn't like it. Cost my Mum a fortune.
I would expect more from adults.

She’s rude and I wouldn’t have gone alone either. The rude part is backing out at the last minute and not even bothering to be decent enough to apologise. She doesn’t deserve a free ticket. I find this type of behaviour the height of horrid. These people make bad friends. Flakey, self interested and it stems from this type of “hey chill out, you are over reacting” type attitude. No it’s not an overreaction to expect a commitment to be honoured. It’s bad manners. It’s rude. It’s yukky and people like this don’t deserve friendship because they always put themselves and their needs 1st. I bet she’s never put herself out for anyone. Be grateful you are off her Facebook. Don’t let her re-add you. She’s now dumped like a cold stone. Put your energy into making decent, like minded friendships. Check out a website called Gig Buddies.

I wouldnt have went alone either would have been boring alone not very enjoyable.
As for your friend shame on her for just not saying she couldnt go just takes a text to say sorry i cant make it. You havent done anything wrong ,as for her deleting you on fb that is childish & a bit of mind game playing,your better off without her.

Yes she was rude and flakey and she over reacted to your distancing yourself from her. She should have pulled out definitively and apologised, even tried to find a replacement or alternative night out.

But I think the issue here is that you weren’t honest or straight with her when she let you down. By ghosting her you were blocking her anyway just not being honest or direct about why and then she challenged you.

To her your response might come across as though you didn’t believe she had unexpected work. Or if you did, it looks like you were huffing at being let down when she couldn’t help it. That’s how she will play it out to mutual friends so be fore warned and prepared.

It’s ok to not have gone on your own. For me it would be about the whole experience being tainted.

I haven't heard from you in a while'
Classic manipulation!
She didn't even have the decency or basic manners to let you know for definite either way, she didn't make contact with you........she knows she did wrong and you are - understandably - annoyed/pissed off at her.
So she's done what cowardly cunts do - twist it so that you are made to look the bad guy whilst they look like they shit roses.

I'd block her on FB so she gets that message loud and clear.
You could text her (before you block her on the phone too) and reply "YOU never got in touch to say whether you were coming to the gig or not - you completely ignored me...and the first time you get in touch since then is to blame it on me?! I suggest you deal with your bullshit issues instead of projecting them onto me!"
Then block her.