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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need to have some friends in my life....anyone???

35 replies

lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 10:16

I am made myself so lonely. Been in a relationship with my ex for 13 years, all her friends and family have now all disappeared as she has bad mouthed me to everyone.

Since my last post we have decided to keep the kids together but she is moving out. I will be working a few days a week through an agency but in the meantime I am so lonely.

When she takes the kids to school (i collect them), my heart breaks that I am all alone and have noone to talk to.

So if anyone wants to add me as a friend or message me I would be so grateful. Man or woman. If I sound desperate, its because I am. Sorry.

OP posts:
extremehydration · 05/04/2019 10:18

Sorry to hear this. Hang around this site and join in. You'll make friends, I'm sure. Is there anything in real life you could add to this, do you think? I am guessing you have likely lost some confidence in this relationship. You can get your life back on track - just have patience and keep plugging away.

Wishing you well.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 05/04/2019 10:24

You sound extremely lonely, I’m sure you’ve thought about all these options but maybe it’s time to try and address this:

  • reconnect with old friends from school, previous life etc unless you’ve really fallen out they shouldn’t mind a quick meet up.
  • reconnect with any family you have
  • join a social club or group, even if it’s via your children’s activities. You might be able to chat to other adult and make a connection
  • use social media and see if anyone is free one evening to go do something with you

Please don’t be discouraged if you don’t immediately get results, if your shy then just saying hello to people you come in contact will help build confidence.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 05/04/2019 10:29

You'll get plenty of online support here, I'm sure. However, to meet people in your local area, you really need to get out from behind your computer! Maybe join a Meetup group in your local area, or a sports club. If there isn't a suitable Meetup in your town, why not take a deep breath and start one yourself? Single parents in X town, pub quiz or whatever floats your boat. If you're into running or any team sport, they often have a social side. Join a club, society or hobby group on something you find interesting. There are so many opportunities out there to meet like minded people once you start looking. Good luck with it.

crappyday2018 · 05/04/2019 12:59

How old are you OP? Have you stayed in touch with anyone from school or are you older?

Chocolateisfab · 05/04/2019 13:01

Could you sign up to borrowmydog? Best people for a chat are fellow dog walkers ime!!

pushingdaisies · 05/04/2019 16:03

There's a website called Meetup which is really good - we even use it at work. You can go on group outings to the cinema/pub/book groups/meals all kinds of things. If you have anything you're particularly interested in I'm sure you'd find something near you on there. Think they have an app too.
Also see if there's anything that runs local to you that you'd like to go to.

Good luck OP x

Itstimetoquit · 05/04/2019 17:36

I'm in same position I need as many friends as I can get so feel free to add me

Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:13

extremehydration i have lost confidence but more than anything I seem to have less opportunities to make friends. Even if I was working it is a lonely industry being a truck driver. I should be working in the next week or so but its very difficult to connect with anyone as I work in different places.

My hobbies and interests for the last 13 years have been about family life. If my family was happy then I was happy. Its only now I realise I have neglected myself and made myself so totally reliant on my ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:21

MrsGrannyWeatherwax i am on facebook but after deleting all my ex and her family etc I am totally friendless. I want to be out and about as I am starting to hate these 4 walls.

I dont have no school pals - i have moved so many times. I have only one friend I have reached out to but not spoken to him for 5 years so its going to be strange reconnecting but its a start.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:23

DarklyDreamingDexter - a few good ideas for me to work on. thank you. Is the meetup group on facebook or is it a webpage?

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Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:24

crappyday2018 - i am 43 and have moved so many times i have lost contact with the very small amount of people i have ever had in my life.

OP posts:
AceOfSpades123 · 05/04/2019 18:25

Sign up to meetup. You can download the app. Type in your location and it brings up all the local groups. Join on to things like walking groups and book groups. Start putting yourself out there. How about doing a course at your local adult education? Learn Spanish or something like that. There are lots of ways to connect with new friends

Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:26

Chocolateisfab - never heard of it but will do some googling to see if there is something close to me. i am unable to have a dog as i live in a maisonette but i like walking and like most dogs. appreciate your idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:29

pushingdaisies - again never heard of it but it sounds interesting. Going to look out for that one. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:29

tstimetoquit - have messaged you privately.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 18:31

AceOfSpades123 - I am definately going to be doing this. thank you.

OP posts:
SherlockHolmes · 05/04/2019 19:30

Nothing more to add, but just that you sound very caring and also very polite Smile. I'm sure you'll have no trouble in meeting new people, and maintaining friendships.

I think you're right in that making friends is what you need right now, rather than jumping into a new relationship.

I moved to my current home and had no friends here, and still have very few because my life, like yours, revolves around my family.

I have recently decided to address this, and joined Meetup, and it's really good. Lots of interesting people who are all up for doing stuff, so you get to do things you may not have thought of before (board game evenings, theatre visits etc).

Good luck, and stay on Mumsnet, it's a great place to hang out.

Chocolateisfab · 05/04/2019 19:32

Would you be able to give a vague area op? I am 47 and totally friendless too!! And have dogs!!

Singlenotsingle · 05/04/2019 19:35

Don't men usually go to the pub and get chatting to other blokes over pool, or darts?

Decormad38 · 05/04/2019 19:40

My dh goes out with a few dads each month to the pub. They all met in the school yard whilst dropping their kids off. Is that one way you can try to meet people?

Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 19:49

SherlockHolmes - need to find ,myself again. going to download imeetup asap. will let you know how i get on.

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Original poster
lonelyguy · 05/04/2019 19:55

Chocolateisfab am in wales, about 20 miles from the city centre.

Singlenotsingle - i am not much of a drinker to be honest but would go to the pub if i already knew someone to meet there or going there with someone but feel totally out of place going on my own.

Decormad38 I go to the school yard every afternoon and not one person has approached me. i am fine when spoken to but most men are either on their phones or stood alone like me. I have had this conversation with my ex who has friends falling over her feet everytime she walks to the school gates. Men do not go up to other men and say "I like your hair", or "Those shoes are really nice, where did you get them?". Its so hard to stand there and watch all the mothers natter to one another but the men are all loners, lol.

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Chocolateisfab · 05/04/2019 21:27

Mm been to Wales a few times - rains more than Scotland!! Once had a fling with a dj from Wales!! Drove a Lotus!!
What about Googling Pintrest? Lots of ideas of things to do /invent /create!!

Chocolateisfab · 05/04/2019 21:27

*Pinterest!!

Singlenotsingle · 05/04/2019 23:10

OP, you don't need to be a drinker. You order a pint of shandy, and take a newspaper, chat to the barman, watch the footie... Once you've been two or three times, your face is familiar and the other blokes invite you to a game of darts, dominoes or whatever. That's how it's done. Easy for men Grin