Pregnant and husband says our marriage is over

[Furbabymamagoose]

NC for this. I'm writing this because I can't sleep after what's happened today and I need a hand hold.
I am 17 weeks pregnant with my first child. Been married 1.5 years, together 7 years.
He's told me today that he can't shake the feeling that he's not happy and there's something lacking and says he's felt like this for years. Says he loves me, but doesn't think it's in the same way I love him. Says everything we've done, buying a house, getting engaged, getting married, trying for a baby, was never really what he wanted to do and he only did those things to make me happy. Swears there is nobody else.
I am numb. He says he'll be there for me and the baby, but not as a husband anymore.
Just need some support. Everything I thought I knew about my life has just shattered into a thousand pieces.

Don’t abort at 17 weeks 😮. That’s a baby!

I think it would be helpful to @Furbabymamagoose to draw a line under the abortion debate, a bun fight on her thread is the last thing she needs.

I would go and talk to mil before your H puts his side.

There will be a lot of posts here saying that he has pregnancy related depression/anxiety and all kinds of other crap.

Anyone who can be that cruel to someone carrying their child...... isn't someone I'd want to be with.

Make him move out, and tell him to deal with his "issues" without involving you. And find a good solicitor - you're going to need one.

So sorry op. What a spineless wanker.

Nothing to add, but just wanted to say that you'll cope, and you are strong. Long term it may well be for the best, whatever you end up doing.

Good luck, and best wishes x

OP I really feel for you. This was me In January when 17 weeks with DC3, exactly the same line. I’m now 30 weeks and things are easier, I still can’t be around ex as I’m so bloody angry at him for putting me in this situation . It’s cliche but it’s a rollercoaster, surround yourself by supportive people, don’t leave your house and know that you will get through this .

Thank you everyone. Your advice has all been amazing. I've told him to pack a bag and go to his parents for a while.

Have been in touch with MIL and she is angry and says she's going to try and get it all out of him and probably will read him the riot act.

To put end to the abortion debate, I'm pro choice, but absolutely not. This is my baby and I will be finding a way to make this work, even though it isn't going to be the way I thought.

I'm not ruling out there is someone else. I know he wouldn't tell me if there was.

Tell his mum. Be devastated and release all those emotions but also tell her you are sad to be losing her too because you understand she will support her son. That way she will know how you feel before her son rewrites the narrative. She will be able to be practical support if not emotional support for you in the future

@Furbabymamagoose You sound like a strong woman, you probably don't feel like it at this moment but I think you are going to be absolutely fine in the long run. Lean on your friends, that's what they are there for.

Thanks for the update OP.

You are doing brilliantly. Stay put, gather your support. You will get through this.

Heartless prick.
I know it doesn’t feel it right now but I promise you that you will be ok.
My (soon to be ex) husband left me 9 months ago, I thought the world had fallen out my arse but I now see he wasn’t the man I thought he was.. we was together 11 years, married 1 and 3 weeks away from trying for a baby .. much like yours mine claimed to be unhappy for 6 months but apparently couldn’t bring himself to tell me .. they’re not men, they’re emotionally unavailable rats.

Focus on you and your baby and spend time with your friends and family. I remember longing for him to just change his mind but now god I am so glad he didn’t.

I promise that you will be ok, keep posting and we will all be here

Hopefully his mum and family will be there to support you will the baby, but do remember that he is their son/brother and ultimately their aligence will be for their own son.
In time if there turns out to be another women ( there usually is) then they will be welcoming her into their family.At the moment they will be in shock at the situation and worried about still being involved with their new grandchild but don't bank on their ongoing help and support forever.
Sorry this is happening to you OP.

I am sorry that you are going through this pain.

He has been very busy rewriting history to justify his betrayal and abandonment. You are in such a vulnerable state, yet he has chosen to stick the knife in and twist it. Despicable. There is likely someone else.

If my husband announced that it all had been a lie on his part, I would make him leave for good. The last thing you need is for him to be living in your home. His presence would only bring torment and destabilize you even more.

You will grieve on your way to healing, but you will gain strength and determination. Focus on your baby and your health. Lean on family and friends. You would also benefit from the support of individual counseling to help with the healing process.

Sorry OP cross posted earlier. Glad you’ve been in touch with his mum

Even though you are devastated OP.
There is a big chance that there is someone else.

You will be a lot stronger though in the long run.
Yes it's hard bringing up children on your own but you can do it.
And in a few years you will think that you had a very lucky escape from the selfish git!

How stressful and awful for you especially whilst pregnant. So many stories out there of men who do similar. I always feel there's some element of a Madonna-Whore thing going on in these men. Especially if they change a bit just after marriage too (then more with pregnancy, and even more when the child's born). It's a sign of massive immaturity, and potentially well hidden mysogyny to me, that they can't love/feel sexually attracted to a woman as she moves into these new roles. Rewriting history is a classic deflection. And affairs can also be a symptom.

Stay strong, this “man” would be a cunt but he lacks the depth and warmth

It does have other woman written all over it, OP.

Stay strong

Dear Op. Get him out of the house, redecorate and relax, take this time to do things you like and take care of yourself. You are going to have a gorgeous mini you so soon that all these hard days won't matter. Focus in the positives. You are an awesome woman and you are growing a baby inside you. Don't allow bad energy to destroy this moment. Is so precious and so short. Good thing is that you have his family to support you. Use their help, get your friends on it too, make new friends with kids. Be happy own this moment. By the sound of it you are better off him xxxxxxxz YOU CAN DO IT!!!